Twitter Strategy Statement Generator


#1

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2014/11/13/twitter-mission-statement-gene.html

Rob Beschizza found them all.


#2


#3

What in the name of all that’s environmentally sound is “platishing”?

Also, I can introduce the finest X in the world by introducing everyone to the world with Y and be the Z-est company in said world.

I smell inelegance.


#4

I got Taxonomy/Blood/Memories, which immediately makes me think of Welcome to Night Vale.


#5

Today: Platishers, beware: Say Media gives up on publishing


#6

Wow, that’s up-to-the-minute. I assume it’s a hybrid of platform/publishing, where you provide both the engine and the content?


#7

What should we call a publisher — like Gawker — that provides a tech platform on which anybody, not just its staff, can create content? What should we call a tech platform — like Medium — that has a team of editors and pays some contributors to create content?

It’s something in between a publisher and a platform — something that weaves together the strengths of both.

A platisher.

Personally, I won’t speak the word, even in impolite company.


#8

I Googled just the root word (platish, with no suffix) and got no useful results relevant to this usage, so I suppose it hasn’t really taken off yet. Then again, adding the -ing would have clued me in. Still, I don’t think Glick’s neologism will be the next “synergy.” But yeah, I kinda hate to dignify it by even mentioning it.


#9

d=20000 crashed my browser, obviously I’m not ready for that mission…


#10

Uncanny how it knows so much.


#11

You haven’t clicked ‘Next Mission’ nearly enough. It only gets better. And better. And better. And better. And blood. So much blood. Blood.


#12

d=14400 just rendered in my browser. I’m pretty sure the Deep Ones are going to be here to drag me away any minute now. So I can help them align the virality of the eschaton.

Or possibly discuss ethics in game journalism.


#13

I went through to about d=31337. Fortunately, my browser melted before my brane ded ohithurtsohnotheteethclawstheyrecomingthtoughthescreenhelphelphelphelphelphelphelphelphelphelphelp


#14

YOU ARE NOW READY TO JOIN ME AT MY WEB MARKETING START UP. JOIN US. OR DIE.


#15

I’m surprised @beschizza hasn’t had a visit from the Laundry Twitter’s PR department yet… I mean, surely exposing all that succulent meat and those tasty minds Twitter’s innovative business philosophy to the unwanted attention of the Great Old Ones the press at the expense of life on Earth as we know it the company’s innovative social networking platform is to court unending madness and horror an unbalanced view of the company’s accomplishments, and that can’t be in the best interests of Twitter users or anyone else on this plane of existence, for that matter.

Ah well, it’s late. I’d best be hieing myself off to sacrifice a virgin bed…


#16

I did, actually. They politely informed me that the original was a strategy statement, not a mission statement. I have updated the generator accordingly. Boing Boing regrets the error.


#17

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