UK film censors forced to watch a 2-day long movie of paint drying

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A bit long perhaps but more interesting than the reading of the Register of Huntingdonshire Cabmen.

[edited to remove plot spoilers]


This Wondermark comic is the gift that keeps on giving.



Well played!

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Revenge is sweet…

I hope there is strong pornography at the 6 hour mark keep the censors honest.


What savagery! Being forced to watch such a sublime film at 2K? I’ll wager it’s mislabeled 720p with a badly lossy codec. All in the name of art. Is this 1998 fergawdsakes?! 4K or riot. No wonder the censors were (wait for it) incensed.

I can’t wait for the 4K director’s cut with commentary and celeb outtakes. Rumor has it Peter Jackson directed this under a pseudonym. Shut up and take my money already! (surely better than those three (3!) hobbit movies)


Since when is 600min 2 days? That’s 10 hours.

Actually, is there anything that’s says it has to be the same people all the way through? Presumably they could cut it into 10 1h chunks and give it to ten teams…


Is there a rule that they can’t just fast forward through it and run an audio analysis to see if there is any actual sound above x decibels on the audio track?

Free speech maximalists might call this ‘censorship’, but I don’t. As the organisation’s name says, it’s classification: not so much “you can’t show that!” as “you can’t show that without (pedantically) clear warnings about the content, from an independent third party”.

I agree with the point about this being an expensive stumbling block for indie productions, but not with the suggestion that classification is inherently A Bad Thing.


Two working days. Plus all the paperwork to fill out.

/and the drinking. Lots of drinking.

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Can’t wait for the sequel, “Watching Grass Grow”.


The AMA says it’s watched by two people, and they work a nine-hour day. I suppose they could watch half each, concurrently, but presumably not, if they’re saying it’ll take two working days.

Actually, the standard protocol is to watch in slow motion to be sure of catching any subliminal flashes of porn.


£5963 ($8500 US)? Must be the artsiest, most high-minded film of paint drying ever. I have some leftover paint around and an iPhone. What else do you need?

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You have to pay per minute when you submit your film for review.


I’ve long wanted to make a movie of paint drying, but in slow motion; shot at 3,000 frames per second…

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This article doesn’t make it as clear as the previous one did. £5963 is the cost to have the movie classified by the British board of film certification. £7.09 a minute. All of the other costs of making the movie (which he had already filmed) were borne by the filmmaker. He actually had 14 hours of footage, but cut it down to the size to match the amount raised.


Except: isn’t the classification mandatory? And some classifications can result in a movie being banned? And they’ll suggest specific edits to content, and if the filmmakers don’t go along with it, it’s refused classification (i.e. cannot be legally released), something they also used to do with scripts? That sounds like censorship to me.