i don’t know why my cell phone gets such crappy reception, i have a ton of bars.
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Not very, but the people who run prisons tend to be so short on empathy that they lack imagination (The two are intrinsically linked).
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Wouldn’t a phone that can be easily smuggled into a prison by definition be even easier to smuggle into the UK? I know those airport security checks are no picnic but I assume border crossings are still less invasive than the screenings people go through when they’re admitted into prison.
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Wait, he wants to ban these because they could be used to commit a crime? What else could be used to commit a crime? Any ideas? Let’s ban those too!
(In case you’re stumped, get a law dictionary and search for all nouns.)
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At last, a legitimate reason to send someone a Goatse. Somebody please forward one to Mr Lidington. I think he has seriously underestimated the size of the average arsehole. Now let me see if I can figure out how to attach an image to this post…
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Something something something small talk.
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The first thing that sprung to the UK legistlator’s mind: “Oh, that thing would perfectly fit into my ass.”
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I don’t think they make crisp bags that big.
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The prison, or the dead zone?
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Admitted to prison, perhaps, but I think the intention is for visitors to smuggle the phones in.
On one level, this isn’t a solution, but making it more difficult to obtain such a phone (not prevent, just make it more awkward) might reduce the problem.
It just seems sensible to prevent these things being sold openly, so blatently that their very name states their purpose: a BOSS is a ‘Body Orifice Security Scanner’. This is more than ‘could be used to commit a crime’ - they’re specifically for that purpose.
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Every independent phone shop in my city sells these (and every street with a strip of retail stores has one of those repair shops on it). If they were banned, their entire stock would be sold in the nearest shady pub to exactly the clientele who’d use em in the manner suggested. Yay for prohibiting things!
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The phone model mentioned is actually called “Beat the BOSS”, and not the lowercased variety “Beat the boss”.
BOSS in this case being an acronym for “Body Orifice Security Scanner”.
But yeah, I’m all for bringing back the old-fashioned orifice search using them gloves euansmith posted. 
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These fall into the same category of product as plastic handcuff keys, fiberglass knives and plastic firearms. There are legitimate uses for all of them. It’s crazy to ban an inanimate object just because it may be useful to criminals.
Anyway, they’re not pushing for a real legal ban. They’re simply asking retailers not to sell them.
[Orson Welles’ voice]
“But will it fit in my dickhole?”
We’ll have to disagree on that - I’d certainly support prison sentences for possession of those firearms.
Yes, it could be argued that legitimate uses for the keys and knives (not the guns) do exist, but that’s a bit of a stretch. The presumption should be that the legitimate uses are the unlikely ones; one should have to prove a good reason for possession of the knives.
But I’m European and neither a free-speech absolutist nor a supporter of private ownership of any firearms, so there are people I’m never going to agree with. 
I haven’t laughed so much in ages. He’s not the brightest tool in parliament, is he?
(But then again, playing to the Daily Heil constituency always helps a Tory career. Do nothing but talk about it in ways Paul Dacre will approve of is always the safest option.)
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