Unicorn corkscrew, for your chasers

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2017/12/07/unicorn-corkscrew-for-your-ch.html


“I’m eager to see how it looks after a few years of red-wine residue accumulates around the base of the horn.”

Why, it will look like bloodstains from the unicorn goring somebody.

Zach Weinersmith / www.smbc-comics.com


“Someone has summoned a Unicorn to a field south of Stratford-upon-Avon causing David Ash’s day to go straight to hell. Now he has to confront shotgun corkscrew wielding drug dealers, murderous strangers and psychotic fairies and all to find out who stole one of Oberon’s personal pets. He better do it soon, or it will mean an all out conflict between The Fairy Court and The Hidden Academy. Worse, as back up all Ash can muster is a soap opera loving Welsh elf and an American Summoner Sommelier who doesn’t trust him one inch. This would be bad enough, but, as the mystery unravels, Ash forms a nagging suspicion that the heart of this problem lies in his own worst nightmare, the one he’s been trying drinking to forget for over a decade.” -The Unicorn Crisis by Jon Rosenberg (with drinking edits by me)



What on earth are you chasing with red wine?

“Corkscrew acts as unicorn horn”

I’m pretty sure the horn acts as a corkscrew and not the other way around. But hey, if it protects me from all diseases and poisons, I stand corrected. And it’s priced a tad low.


No, it’s a horse with a cork screw in its head.



OK, so where do I find a unicorn with a cork which needs removing?

If it has a cork in it there will be a reason, so don’t pull it out.


I don’t care what it sells for on Amazon. Whatever it is… WHATEVER… the mark-up must be astronomical.

for your chasers

So, that worked out, then, @beschizza? How sweet of you to buy them a gift!

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