University in the USA? Some off-putting stuff

I’ve got two kids, sometime they might get higher education.

I’ve always thought (cerebrally, not financially …) that the US would provide a good option.

But stories like this are severely putting me off:


If your kids are male, you have little to fear. If your kids are female, they face this kind of violence no matter where they attend university. Some places are certainly worse than the US. The issues with proper reporting and prosecution of sexual violence at US universities are not new, they’re just finally getting wider press. It’s taken 20 years to gain understanding and acceptance of the notion that date rape is rape.

Progress is slow because women are the target. We’re not full human, you know. /s

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Yeah, female kids.

The breach of any normal standard of judicial process is appallingly sad. What price prestige?

There is always women’s colleges, I guess. But, they shouldn’t have to make those sorts of choices in order to feel safe, should they. It’s really depressing that young women have to deal with this sort of campus culture. I wish it were more unacceptable, but there is still a real sense from some that it’s “their fault”. It’s BS…


Even the fact that it’s a culture at all is an egregious endightment of the colleges. It’s barbaric.


As a former young woman and an instructor of young women at a university, you don’t have to tell me! You’re preaching to the choir here.

I’d suggest look into how schools handle cases of rape, they don’t all handle them the same way.

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It’s very queer, that people including parents accept this status quo, especially in a constitutionally under-pinned democracy. How can they not take collective action against the state, for instance, for failing to ensure the application of due course in any sphere of activity in their nation?

I get that you’re putting educations etc at risk.

As for where this happens - the US seems to have this special status for sports stars, who are admittedly put on plinths. In the UK I’ve never heard of any kind of equivalent - and I attended university for as long as I could.

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Keep your chin up, there’s still a 75-80% chance that your daughters won’t face this kind of violence at uni. And again, even if they stay in the UK, there’s still a chance they’ll be victimized.

I managed to avoid being victimized, it certainly can be done. Though, I do have Resting Bitch Face (which really helps when walking about to avoid random violence for some reason), something of a hair-trigger temper, and I don’t know how to fight fair. Those may have been (and still are) factors. Oh, and in partial reply to you at #8, I did not idolize jocks and did not associate with them at uni.


Make that 99.9999% and we can start talkin’

I must practice “Resting Bitch Face” just to see how it feels!


Not everyone does accept it. There are plenty of groups who have tried to change the status quo over the years. But many Americans, even those who see this as a major problem, do not see collective action that depends on the state as the solution. They see the state as part of the problem. At this point almost any legislation connected to women’s rights are going to get blocked by the right wing, tea party faction in congress, and most (male, because they still dominate congress) congress critters on the federal level aren’t willing to put their careers on the line for this because they see it as an individual, or a state or local problem, not as a national issue that should be addressed from the top down.

Part of it is the entrenched culture of sports, you’re right there. this is the same with things like sports injuries being covered up. the truth is that we still live in a very patriarchal culture and until that changes, things like this are going to continue to get covered up, ignored, or glossed over.

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Not sure it’s something that can be practiced… Mostly, I just don’t go walking around with an unprovoked, idiotic grin on my face. If I find something amusing, say at a store, I still try not to smile because people will want to talk to me. In general, I do not wish this to happen, so I keep as neutral a face as possible. It’s always the older women, too. I understand that they may be lonely, but interrupting my shopping mission isn’t the way to garner positive attention. (I hate shopping. Get in, find the shit, get out.)


And just in general, I kind of agree with Louie CK on raising kids. As depressing as that statement is, I think it’s also very true.


Not to minimise the issue, but it’s not just a one-way street; imagine being a man trying to report being raped… or being the victim of domestic violence as a male. Women in that position may well get ignored, but at least they’re not likely to be outright laughed at…

Of course, I acknowledge a much smaller number of men are in that position, but IMO the ‘battle of the sexes’ framing doesn’t help anything.

This doco blew me away…

Without minimizing, a lot of the choices we make in order to feel safe include choices we make that are dangerous, even before other people get involved. Binge drinking, inadequate sex-ed, passive rather than assertive communication styles, trusting too much… these are all part of the picture and are personal responsibilities, not anyone elses. Period.

It never occurred to me that organizations should be expected to take better care of me on these fronts. Not as an adult. Not even as a 17 year old when I was assaulted.

Deciding to learn to communicate assertively, trust people who stood the test of time, and not get wasted among strangers has helped, but it is the NOT relying on anyone else to round the edges off the corners of life, for me, that is the one choice of worldview that has kept me safest.

tl;dr: People without good judgement cannot be kept safe.

(also, what Louie said)

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You’ve reminded me of the time I pulled into our townhouse parking lot (no gates or other impediments to outsiders) late one night and noticed my neighbor sitting in his car with the door open, using the light from the open door to read something. He didn’t react when I pulled up two spaces down (no cars between us) and during the entire time I was arriving, unloading, and walking away he never looked up.

Virtually every single woman reading the above paragraph will know why I’ve written it. Do you?


Did you not see the ‘/s’ at the end of the sentence you quoted? A good sarcasm font is still sorely needed. Now, in the interest of keeping things OT, suffice it to say: Patriarchy hurts us all. Plenty of other threads veer off into MRA land, let’s try to keep this one on the rails, shall we?

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I noted your /s, but assumed it didn’t apply to this bit:

Which is a fair enough comment… it’s just not the whole picture, of course.

let’s try to keep this one on the rails, shall we?

Actually, I read the article after replying to you, and was more flabbergasted than expected… the recriminations from the jock-worshippers, that shit is indeed mucho sucko, big time.


Wait? Have you somehow managed to avoid contact with the MRA’s around here? Men’s Rights Activists. Google only if you have the intestinal fortitude of a brass kettle.

Your edit reminds me that you likely don’t reside in the US. Yes, it’s effin’ horrible.

Also, quit with the stealth editing. It’s rude. I was just about to hit ‘reply’ when your edit showed up, dammit.