Vincent Price and Boris Karloff both used some weird ingredients in their homemade guacamole recipes

I’ve got Vinnie’s cookbook but I’d never make that recipe. Nope. Keep it simple. Lime. Salt. Finely chopped garlic and onion. Let all that sit together in a bowl. Add whatever your favourite heat is. I prefer the James Jesus Maggot brand “Hot Saviour Hot Sauce”. Mush up the avocados with a fork - chunky style is good - add the other stuff - mush it around some more. Pour a tequila. Get the chips. Carry on.

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And you’re not going to share it?

I… think a whole lot of people enjoy guacamole besides the scary “millennials” old people like to demonize.

I can sort of see it as an element to just add a bit of creaminess and fat (not that avocado-dip needs more), sort of like the sour cream that gets added by some people. But three tablespoons? Guh.

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Vincent’s secret ingredient is the funk of forty thousand years

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4 avocados, peeled and quartered
1 roma tomato, finely chopped
1-2 medium jalapeno peppers, deseeded and deveined then finely minced
2 teaspoons fresh squeezed lime juice
half a teaspoon of granulated sugar (to taste)
half a small, sweet, yellow onion coarsely grated (both juice and pulp)
a half teaspoon of ancho chili powder
a fourth teaspoon of roasted ground cumin
salt to taste
pinch white pepper to taste
1 peeled garlic clove

take the garlic clove and forcefully rub it into the interior surface of the mixing bowl. discard after rubbing. add all ingredients except sugar, salt, and pepper. mix and mash to desired texture with a fork. if the guacamole is too wet add another avocado. if it is too stiff moisten gradually with a smooth picante sauce of a suitable heat level for the audience. when the consistency is satisfactory add salt, sugar, and pepper to taste.

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They did the mash…

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vincent%20price%20claps

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They weren’t monsters. They didn’t put mashed green peas in it, after all.
(https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1015047-green-pea-guacamole)

(I recently saw one of the earliest European recipes for guacamole, and it had sugar in it. I’m still trying to figure out how that worked… I mean, there are sweet avocado desserts and drinks and that’s fine, but this was clearly a variant of guacamole, and that’s just wrong.)

I only use the best avocados for mine - I only make it when my home grown Bacon avocados are ripest, the Bacons being far superior in taste to anything I’ve ever seen commercially available. (Hass are watery nothings in comparison.) I don’t like to use a lot of citrus, but it absolutely needs some lemon/lime, though. The acidity counters the high oil content, I suspect, because it doesn’t taste balanced without it. If the lime is overwhelming, I’d suggest it’s either because too much juice is being added, and/or the avocados were really bad to begin with.

Pffft, ignorant peasant! Everyone knows it’s only after the seventh season that the avocados are even worth eating! I only make guacamole using fruit from old-growth avocado trees!

(And now that I’ve said that, I’ve just realized it’s actually pretty true. It takes a good few years for the avocado tree to get old enough to produce decent fruit, something in excess of six or seven seasons, and the tree I get my guac avocados from is 45+ years old. I do recognize that I suffer from serious avocado privilege.)

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Yes, but the line doesn’t work if you a) make it sound explicitly racist, or b) try and make a complete accounting of all the people who are wrong and like anything containing avocado. Avocados are gross, and this is an objective fact.

Works great on bacon.

I’d try the Worcestershire for sure, I’d rather put sour cream in than mayo but not so much!

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The sixth or seventh season of harvests. It takes 10-15 years to start bearing. That’s why my mole de aguacate is so good.

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The newspaper article also refers to this as a “sauce,” which is…not how I tend to think of my guac?

In Venezuela we have our own version of it amusingly named Guasacaca, it’s more like a sauce and has a more punchy vinegar taste to it. It’s not typically meant to be enjoyed as a dip, although you totally can use it for that, usually it’s meant to accompany grilled meats by being spread on top of them typically at a cookout and it’s very delicious. If you want to try something a bit different you should give it a go. It’s not meant to be chunky or spicy but they could be prepared that way if that’s one’s inclination but i’m a fan of the traditional version, i haven’t tried any of the various recipes i see online but here’s one for reference:

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Wait, what? Did you just call me racist for saying that avocados and guacamole are popular foods among non-millennials?

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No. I’m saying that “Guacamole is mayonnaise for Mexicans” would be pretty racist. Or at least offensive. Picking on millennial is less of a problem, since I might be one, depending where you slice the avocado.

Maybe, maybe not. It would certainly be complete nonsense. Which is why nobody said it.

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I have a really hard time believing that 3 Tablespoons of mayo can ruin 2 large avocados. What kind of weak-ass avocados are we to believe these were?

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Just to curse everyone else, I spent the entirety of halloween singing (in my head mostly, but sometimes outloud) the lyrics to the themesong to the Fresh Prince of Bel Air to the tune of and in the style of Monster Mash.

I’ll tell you how I became… the Prince of Bel Air!

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Is that guacamole made with Sichuan peppercorns and chili peppers?

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