Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2024/05/08/wally-the-emotional-support-alligator-has-gone-missing.html
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And I still can’t have an emotional support honey badger?
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I’m all for reasonable accommodations for people with various difficulties/disabilities, but unreasonable accommodations I start to feel differently about.
Might I recommend a nice emotional support dog or cat?
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Of course not. Honey badger don’t give a fuck. What kind of support is that?
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So the alligator was released into an area where there are other alligators, and the guy assumes the DNR can tell which one is which and is just being mean in refusing to return Wally to him. By now Wally is either dead or having a fine time doing what alligators do.
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A honey badger is the perfect match for British Airways customer service.
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this is the height of gator breeding season. Wallygator is out there having the time of his life!
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How about an emotional support cassowary?
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I feel like “emotional support” needs scare quotes, as I’m not entirely sure this guy wasn’t just liking the attention of having a pet alligator and letting everyone know he did, at every available opportunity. Either way, any animal that will eventually try to kill you (and is capable of doing so) makes for an extremely poor emotional support pet (or “emotional support” pet).
“But it’s my emotional support blue-ringed octopuuu-”
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Maybe he trained the alligator to respond to certain stimulii and perform a task when he’s feeling depressed, which would be enough to make Wally a service animal.
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It’s almost certainly the first one.
I will not say “tamed” because wild animal and all, but if Wally was raised in captivity and is used to being allowed in the house, being feed by his emotional support human, and in other ways protected from doing what (other) alligators do, he’s not going to gain those skills fast enough to live. Other pointing to Wally’s almost certain death is the fact that although he’s 8 years old, he only weighted 70 lbs. That’s under half the way of the average male alligator.
Poor Wally.
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Wally’s not “missing”. He just left because his human was such a pain in the @ss.
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“The cassowary is a close descendant of the fierce velociraptors, the dinosaurs featured in Jurassic World.”
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It is true that cassowaries are reasonably closely related to velociraptors, but by the same amount as quails, hummingbirds, and penguins. 
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Well, I suppose it’s theoretically not completely impossible…
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With you there. While cassowaries are members of the infraclass Palaeognathae, the relationship between them and Dromaeosauridae is wildly uncertain because it is unclear from the fossil record where the two diverged in the Mesozoic.
Allowing for the fact the popular view of velociraptor behaviour is down to talented animators using cassowaries for guidance - they’re undoubtedly the closest we’re going to get to a velociraptor in the modern day and age - well at least until eccentric billionaires decide to stop buggering around with social media and space flight and get on with the important task of creating a dinosaur theme park with inadequate safeguards.
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