WATCH: Seagull wishes monkey would share stolen sandwich


Typical one percenter.


They gave the monkey the sandwich. The real crime is that it bit into a subway sandwich sideways. Who does that? And scientists say they’re our ancestors. Pshaw!


God damn it, I said Dijon mustard, not deli mustard! What is wrong with you? My sandwich is ruined! OK Chad, get me your supervisor!

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No scientist worth his salt says they’re our ancestors. They’re our cousins. We have a common ancestor.

Only by talking about evolution correctly can we pull the weapons of widespread misinformation and misconceptions about evolution out of the creationists’ infernal toolbelts.


That guy was taking his life into his hands trying to take his bag back from that monkey.

Ah, life on The Rock. I miss it so.

A Macaca sylvanus on Gibraltar. Lunch with a nice view.


I wouldn’t say I’m exactly phobic of monkies and apes. I just don’t want them anywhere near me. They’re so damn strong, and completely unpredictable. Like Ted Nugent, or Gary Busey, but more prone to biting your face.


Hunh! Say it again! Otherwise leads to the cringe-inducing “Then how come there are still monkeys?”


Yeah, and why aren’t sea urchins carrying brief cases and riding the subway?

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With humans as the pinnacle of the ladder-bush of life, there really should be no other life forms at all. Sure, all analogies are flawed, but we really need to select them carefully.

Because they didn’t work hard, as I did. (Actually, I can just afford the subway token, not the briefcase. I’m a temporarily embarrassed millionaire.)


Even though you probably still shouldn´t test your luck with wild animals, the strength of monkeys and apes is often exaggerated:

My main worry would be that I would kill it by mistake, thus bringing Gibraltar one step closer to Spanish rule.

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Interesting. I’ve been a poor skeptic on that count I suppose. I wouldn’t want to tangle with another primate of any kind unarmed personally still.

I’ve seen some footage of a chimp pulling apart a monkey and eating it like it was string cheese. I guess cat-sized monkeys aren’t that hard to rend limb from limb. Until I saw that footage, I didn’t know that chimps will eat smaller primates. I thought they were mostly insectivores and fruit-eaters. But it turns out they’ll eat whatever they can catch.

It’s not a phobia if it’s a legitimate fear. And it is with those Gibraltar apes - they can be really aggressive.

I pride myself on being somewhat scientifically literate, so I really should have known better. Thank you for the correction. Since jokes get a lot of attention I think in cases like this there’s an extra burden on them to be accurate.

I have to explain evolution to… people who have what might be called a lay-understanding of biology, fairly regularly. The shit creationist propagandists spray all over the place is rather intuitive because it appeals to human biases, and doesn’t require thinking to understand. But the truth is a little more complicated and has subtleties that aren’t so easily latched onto. So I have to reteach the uncurious and misled every time I hear about animals being “designed” to survive in a niche, or that they “evolved to” rather than “evolved because”. All because the US public educational system doesn’t actually teach science anymore.


Seems cruel to lose a couple fingers, then get fined for it.

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I´ve seen that one too. Gnarly.