HIGHLIGHTS (with implied subtext):
"Next time, give her a second chance!"
(Because it was her fault she broke down by the road in a dangerous part of town. Poor Carol. She was so silly, she didn't even know how to point the car due-North when she used the compass and the map I gave her ... May she rest in peace ... Oh well! Better luck next time.)
"Join them in some Cool-Aid too!"
(No thanks, too salty. So inscrutable! Where are the Chinese Cherries when you need them?)
"Sexiest ladies on the scene!"
"Mild and juicy Bull for the Woods."
(So that's where you chew it! Does she know about this? Have you taken her to your hideout at Lover's Point yet? Hope you didn't forget your hook! Per 1960s urban legend ... )
"Yes, the tobacco you chew."
(As opposed to the other people who don't. You know, ... THOSE people.)
"The ladies sure work hard ... Let's go around back where we can't see 'em."
(I feel guilty, I need a smoke break. Well, what do you know? She does too!)
"Your coffee tastes terrible! ... Tastes as good as fresh perked. I like it better."
(Disaster averted, you perky little thing, you. Frankly, I'm tired after our vigorous eye-contact, and the coffee tastes better than you. Have you been on your smoking diet again?)
"Cups, and cups, and CUPS of coffee!"
(Oh John, you can never have too much coffee, can you? You know what they say, Carol. I like my women like I like my coffee ...)
"It's 7 guns in one! Let's count them ..."
(The Swiss Army knife of guns! Now Junior, remember ... your gun is what we call an extremely useful tool, but by the time you finish counting, we might as well all be dead. Everyone LOLs. Tussled hair. Freezeframe.)
"Try me! I'll take you on a trip you'll never forget!"
(Uhhh, okay ...)
"I'll hang up your coat for you and let you watch movies ..."
(Sure thing, babe. Netflix and chill. Now be quiet, it's getting to the good part.)
"You're not in a plane! You're at Acme Car wash!"
(Whaaaa? The Mile-High Club can now be partaken on the ground? Do tell!)
"How about a hot wax too!"
(Whoah, easy there, sister. I'm a man, you're a woman, have some dignity, why don't you!)
"I can't file ... My boss calls me indispensable!
"Just a minute!"
(She said in a robotic voice, naturally.)
"Naturally, I push the button ... just by turning a knob."
(Pushing buttons! Turning knobs! There's no place for that kind of talk in the office!)
"I never need wet chemicals ... Powder dry."
(I'm so confused. Powder dry? You mean like your face? But wouldn't that make you black-faced? Or do you mean ... oh, I get it now. What were you talking about again, you silly woman?)
"Which is the original? Sometimes I don't even know!"
(Now Carol, we all know that if one if you is sweet, then three of you ... together with me ... would be INDISPENSABLY better!)
"I'm going to lunch with Mother!"
(Don't you worry your pretty little head. I think I can push your buttons and turn your knobs later. What's that? Bring your Mother? Yeah, not really ...)
"Come to where the flavor is!"
(You mean like you like your coffee, Stu? Or just after the lovemaking? Hmmm. Let's try green this time!)