Thatās not a firenadoāitās a god straw.
I guess this oneās technically about lightning, but man what a clickbait shitstorm weather.com is these days.
Clearly the LORD is displeased, because he likes him some Jim Beam.
Supplies:
- 1 large glass jar/bottle with associated metal cap or lid
- Large fire (campfire works well enough)
- gasoline
- nail
- hammer
Fill jar/bottle with gasoline (the word āgasolineā should be spoken in the same dialect as Imperator Furiosa) leaving 1 inch of air at the top of the bottle.
Punch small-to-medium sized hole in the cap/lid with the nail, and then attach the cap/lid securely on the bottle.
Place bottle directly in fire and stand back a touch.
Yes, youāre wringing your hands at the thought of placing a full bottle of go-juice right into a fire. Yes, doing it correctly will result in a fiery column of āgezolineā spouting maybe 5-10 feet in the air, depending on the size of the bottle and the hole in the lid. No, you should never do this because you wonāt do it right and kittens and be-sweatered lambs will die by the droves if you do.
Or pleased at receiving a suitable sacrifice. Donāt be a Cain giving him all vegetables and shit!
āBut ā¦ the rum!ā
Thereās no way an omniscient being would prefer Jim Beam over one of the copious better choices of bourbon
Jim Beam owns some good brands like Basil Haydenās and even Laphroaig. But as long as the lightening struck the actual Jim beam floor of the warehouseā¦or, better still, took out that Knob Creek Smoked Maple abominationā¦go nature!
And hope no one was hurt in the cleansing.
Iām fine with Jim Beam existing for Jim Beam drinkers. But the Knob Creek Smoked Maple pisses me off, because Knob Creek is pretty good stuff! I got tricked into ordering it once (they didnāt have any regular Knob Creek) and I was so disappointed.
Boozenado!
Yeah, that sounds good. Hereās my ID.
āDonāt you know there aināt no devil, thereās just God when heās drunk.ā āTom Waits
Would a Mickeyās bottle work pretty well for this?
Same thing happened to me. I admit to being a bit of a whiskey snob, but Knob Creek Rye is indeed pretty good and even their 9 year 100 proof has legs. Iād drink it more if there werenāt better alternatives available at equal or cheaper prices, but at least most bars and restaurants stock it. Getting duped into the Smoked Maple was a nasty surprise.
Aināt that the truth? I like Crown. But Crown Maple? I spilled a couple of drops on my desk and it reeked of maple for weeks. Never again.
(And drinking it wasnāt what it should have been.)
As far as Iām concerned, itās basically 90 proof Log Cabin syrup since any barrel taste is smothered. It doesnāt even have the decency to taste like the good maple syrup you can only get in Canada 
Super weird to see my hometown on BoingBoing!
The only way Iād see mine would be if it was on fire in an interesting way, too (though thatās a possibility, seeing as they appear to be serious about doing in-situ gasification of Wearmouth pit. Thatās a fucking big mine).
When the omniscient being is already smashed off His Holy Rocker, He prefereth anything He damn well pleases.
