What did Santa really look like?


#1

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#2

Excellent article that you dug up, Maggie. I’ve copied it to read later. I’ve watched the reconstruction shows on Tut, and so on. If there is historical info on someone, I think the guesses might be better on the soft tissue, based on ethnicity and the like, but it’s still a guess.
As to buccal fat, I’m assuming that’s even more difficult. Will check back later.


#3

According to an eye witness:

"He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot.
A bundle of Toys he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a peddler, just opening his pack.

His eyes-how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow.

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,
And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath.
He had a broad face and a little round belly,
That shook when he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly!

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,
And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself!
A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread."

Apparently mommy was kissing him. Wait until daddy finds out!


#4

What? Megyn Kelly just settled this issue a few days ago. For the kids. Santa was a white man, just like Jesus. Of course Santa was a white man!!!


#5

What do you mean “was”?


#6

Oops! Sorry bout that, kids.


#7

Eh, that ship sailed. This is, after all, an article about forensics done on Santa’s skeleton. Also, despite the “Because magic” argument, there is always http://www.daclarke.org/Humour/santa.html


#8

There has even been a documentary film.


#9


#10

Uh, well he was, he just wasn’t as white as Megyn Kelly would like to think.


#11

Wow, mommy gets around… I saw her kissing Yog Sothoth.


#12

And what about dinosaur reconstruction?


#13

Maggie,

Sinter Klause waaay predate St. Nicholas. St. Nick was just a tool used to swing all the follower of the prechristian old god over to the cool new god.


#14

One thing I’d like to see on those History Channel-type documentaries is a simple demonstration to give us an idea of how accurate the models are likely to be. Before tackling (say) King Tutankhamen, forensic experts should show a few “reconstructions” using skulls from people who were photographed while they were still alive, but whose images were not made available to the forensic experts until afterward.


#15

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