What it's like to have chronic vaginal pain


I have never heard of this before but it sounds like a nightmare.

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Next on BuzzFeed: 7 Reasons To Have More Sex

Smooth buzzfeed, really smooth.


I had a girlfriend with this condition. We found by total accident that psychedelic mushrooms made sex completely painless for her… And the effect was permanent.

Not saying this would work for everyone… I have no idea. Just what worked for her.

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One thing is for certain: if science ever does find a cure for this terrible condition then Hobby Lobby won’t want to cover it.


She reiterates something I’ve always suspected: sex is supposed to carry so much meaning in our lives, it’s supposed to heal us and inform us and make everything better- whether or not we know how to talk about it. And of course, no single part of one’s life can support that much burden. Try to put that much significance on eating, it’ll break. Try to make dreams the answer, you’ll never wake up. Try working a career for the answers, you’ll break.

Sex is special in this regard because here we have the least amount of language to talk about the broken things. It’s all supposed to come naturally like in The Blue Lagoon.

I want to read more stories like this one, and I want it to be more normal to talk about ways in which sex is a problem. More than anything else, I want there to be a way to talk about the human need for intimacy in a way that doesn’t wrap it completely in an envelope of sex.


Do they? Is that routine in the US? There is no indication from the article that there was any problems requiring an exam at age 13. Would US mothers routinely take their daughters for this sort of exam? Do they take their sons to a urologist? Is this some weird purity/virginity check?

During my early teens, own mother was an absentee thanks to my parents’ divorce. So, my family shouldn’t be considered representative. (I took myself to Planned Parenthood.) OB-GYNs do suggest a visit between the ages of 13-15 because girls start menstruation, and may have questions, or may have issues arising from it. Another thing they get girls to do is chart their cycle for a few months to make sure it stabilizes. An irregular cycle can signify a problem.

if you just suspected that sex has so much meaning in our lives, all you had to do to be convinced would be to turn on your TV, or walk around a city and have a look at the various visual advertisements :slight_smile:

I sympathize with the person but sex isn’t supposed to have this meaning, it just does. It’s hard-wired. There’s no escaping it. It’s nearly as great as the need for and importance of sharing food, maybe greater. It’s not something we’re taught by a culture or anything else, it’s as basic a need as there is.

It’s hard to tell if by sex, you mean the kind of Penis-Vagina sex her boyfriends seem to expect without talking about. Or if you’re talking about the sex urge that she presumably feels just fine, and (hopefully!) can do something about -without causing excruciating pain. Is the self-evident meaning different for someone like her than it is for someone like you? Is it a hard-wired fact of life that women who don’t do PV sex are going to be lonely?

Culture teaches us gender. Most of us are born with a outwardly visible sex. Gender and sex are completely distinct ideas.

There may not be anything to be done about this woman’s physical pain, but the emotional trauma she talks about is avoidable. Or it would bem anyway, if we lived in a sexually sane culture.

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Wait, so you are drawing a connection between meaning, and tv commercials. That way lies madness.

Well, this hit close to home. I have this condition as well.

Whenever I have sex, my walls clench up, causing pain and discomfort. Sometimes it’s so tight that we can’t get a penis inside and once I actually made my boyfriend’s penis bleed. Yeah. It’s terrible.

I’m not sure whether the cause is physical or psychological or both. Probably both. I was raped when I was 15, before I had had sex, so this is all I’ve known.

I’m in a domestic relationship, but I haven’t had vaginal intercourse in… god, at least three months? That doesn’t mean I don’t have sex; I give and receive oral sex, just fool around. I’m into bondage and BDSM, which is good; I get enjoyment out of being roughly “forced” to give someone head, so penetration isn’t required. But that doesn’t mean I don’t want it.

Penetration is, to me, such a great part of sex (when I can do it without hurting, that is). Before, I used to just try to take the initial hurt and hope it gets better, and sometimes it did but sometimes it didn’t and I’d end up crying. It of course made my boyfriend feel terrible - obviously he doesn’t want to do it if I’m not enjoying myself.

There are times when I just don’t really feel like having sex in any way. My boyfriend is more than eager to give me oral (sometimes he begs me to let him do it), but sometimes it all just depresses me so much that I’d rather not think about it at all.

On top of the physical pain, I also sometimes get anxious when touched. I can be all touchey one moment, and suddenly some regular touch lights up the anxiety and I immediately need my space. This can happen and does happen anytime, not just during sex, but the feel of lips can especially trigger it. Even when I’m very aroused, if it gets too sensitive, I ned to be able to stop right away or I might get a panic attack.

Tickling is the worst. Being forced and hurt during sex, I don’t mind, because I know I’m in control and can stop it. But the whole point of tickling is that it’s uncomfortable (I’m very sensitive, probably related to my Asperger’s) and unwanted. It can be fun for a few seconds but it very quickly and very suddenly turns into a full-blown panic attack. Once I cried for hours afterwards and just couldn’t shake that unsafe feeling away from my skin.

Fuck rape.

Drugs have helped me as well, but not permamently. Psychedelics, ecstacy and opiates (well, before I started using regularly, now my tolerance is too big) typically allow me to have sex “normally”. Ecstacy is the best - I guess it’s all that oxytocin, letting me actually trust and relax, and it feels so good.

A few weeks ago, a friend of ours came to visit and she and I took ecstacy and coke. She couldn’t keep her hands off me. We’ve had group sex before, but this time my boyfriend let me and her just have fun together. Good times.

Let this be proof that vulvadynia DOES NOT sentence you to a life of loneliness and DOES NOT mean you won’t be able to have sex. You just need to find an understanding partner (who does not think that all sex is penetration and that a woman is supposed to orgasm from it, and if she doesn’t it’s her fault) who makes you feel safe to talk about it and experiment with different things.


oh well, sanity is not for everyone

Sanity is overrated anyway.

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