Whoa, dude. TMI. 
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Or maybe I’m just more stubborn.
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Why are writers always cold?
Because they’re surrounded by drafts!
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pirate … with insomnia …do?
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A duck walks into a bar, and says, ‘Pint of lager and a cheese & onion toastie please’.
The barman goes ‘Fuck me, a talking duck!’, but pulls the pint & serves the toastie.
He says 'Pardon me for asking, but I’ve never met a talking duck before, what are you doing here?'
The duck says, ‘See the building site over there? The new office block that’s gone up? I’m working on that. Just popped in for a beer after I clocked off’ He finishes his pint and sandwich and leaves.
Over the next week, the duck comes in for a beer and a snack every day after work. That weekend, on his way to work, the barman sees a poster advertising that the circus is in town. ‘Ah-ha!’ he says to himself, ‘I’m on an earner here!’ So, he goes to see the Ringmaster and says, ‘Look, I’ve got this fantastic new act for you. It’s a talking duck! He drinks beer and smokes and all sorts! it’s amazing!’
The ringmaster agrees that a talking, beer-drinking, smoking duck is, indeed amazing and that he’d like to meet him. The barman says he’ll talk to him when he sees him and get him to come down.
Sure enough, just after four Monday afternoon, in comes the duck to the bar, orders a beer and a sandwich, and the barman says to him, ‘Look, I’ve had a bit of a barainwave, and I think I know a way both of us can make a lot more money than bartending and working on building sites. I’ve been talking to the head guy at the circus, and he’s really interested in you. He says you could make a fortune! We could make a fortune!’
The duck looks at him and says, ‘What? The circus?’
‘Yeah, yeah!’, says the barman. ‘The circus! You could be famous!’
‘The circus.’, says the duck. Clowns, oompah band, bloke in a coat like off a chocolate box? Lion tamers, strongmen and that? The circus?’
'Yeah, exactly! says the barman. ‘The CIRCUS!’
The duck pauses, takes a long drink off his pint, gives the barman the hairy eyeball and says, ‘What the fuck use would the circus have for a plasterer?’
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Wierdly eular didn’t walk into the bar.
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They say the same about chuck norris.
Spot the programer.
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Is that a by the book joke?
Eta whoops thinking of ron glass
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Nobody crosses Chuck Norris
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