When old tweets about murdering his opponent and masturbating to a public figure surface, a congressional candidate instantly drops out of his race

[anon77190095]

Oh to be young enough to not remember rolodexes

[anon15383236]

I think a “mental” one is supposed to be one that’s full of images of certain women one can conjure from for having a wank?

Or wait, maybe that’s binders full of women.

[RickMycroft]

Ron Filipkowski

[anon59592690]

Oh, the Analogue Wank Bank.
Why didn’t he just say that?

[jarnsaxa]

@Shuck

If those tweets were recent, I’d kind of wonder if he wasn’t one of those fake Democratic candidates the Republicans got caught fielding in the last couple elections to muddy the waters. But dumb assholes abound, so I probably shouldn’t be so suspicious…

Literally my first thought. But then I’m in Florida and fake candidates are a way of life here.

[AnthonyC]

Earth?

[ashe]

@Karyudo

If Republican, by now we’d be scoffing at the “it was my allergy medication’s fault” excuse and “I’m sorry if you were offended” nonpology.

Nah, he’d double-down and say “What, my opponent doesn’t deserve to be killed? I can’t masturbate to whatever I want? If I can’t do those things you’re censoring me, and is that what you want in an elected official, to have them censor you?”

[JustGoodSense]

You don’t mustn’t. Portugal is really nice and very affordable and has hardly any fascists anymore AND egg tarts!

[TornPaperNapkin]

Holy crap he’s an even bigger dirtbag than he seems.

[Alvin_Goodman]

Who runs?

Some candidates are candidates just to further their personal brand, get free attention with NO expectation of winning (every gdamn real estate agent in my city during mayoral elections).

Then you have those who like to poke bears and more or less treat the whole thing as a drunk-dare.

Can’t forget the slimy smarmy types who wrap themselves in Family/Flag/Jesus … then accuse their victims of dredging up the past when a reporter uncovers those hushed-up college rape convictions.

Forgotten in all that noise is the honest well-meaning candidate who doesn’t stand a chance…

[RickMycroft]

Ah no, that’s a Republican putting a cheerful spin on why he’s dropping out.

[hecep]

Political offices really should improve the quality of its gatekeepers.

Oh, fuck. There ain’t any!

[TornPaperNapkin]

I need a brain transplant today apparently.

[chairthrower]

Democrats In Disarray

[Carbohydrates11g]

Dusty Johnson?
I had that once. Trip to the doc and a can of pledge later I was good as new.

[anon48584343]

Put some Windex on it.

[angusm]

@Karyudo

You can tell he’s a Democrat (even if a DINO) because he dropped out. If Republican, by now we’d be scoffing at the “it was my allergy medication’s fault” excuse and “I’m sorry if you were offended” nonpology.

You forgot “Jesus has forgiven me.”

[subextraordinaire]

@anon15383236

Or wait, maybe that’s binders full of women.

I remember that!

[kmoser]

He’s a Democrat in the same way Joe Manchin is a Democrat.

[girard]

Maybe someone who makes sweeping statement about what “all guys” are like still feels like they’re in the 80s? It does feel a bit like the setup to a 30-year-old standup routine.