Whole Foods withdraws $6 "Asparagus water" from sale


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Infuse: Oil, Spirit, Water demystifies the art of infusing

What the fuck? I can understand a lot of weird food stuff, but I can’t even begin with this.

the water was “meant to be infused” with asparagus, not contain stalks of it.

That makes it better? Who sees “asparagus infused water” and thinks, “Oh yeah, I want some of that.”?


maybe there’s some large, lucrative golden showers market we just don’t know about that their marketing data has uncovered.


This is the only thing that even remotely makes sense. “Subtly scent your urine, only $6.”


In my admittedly extremely limited experience if you’re into golden showers you want to stay as far away from asparagus as possible. The same applies to fellatio where pineapple and papaya are supposed to be preferred.

But, hey, it’s a big world, different strokes, silk purses, have your cake, crumble your cookie, wear sheep’s clothing, and it’s all fun and games until someone gets asparagus in their eye.


Bullshit. Whole Foods has an entire shelf of “house-made water infusions” at my local store, which are all bottles of tap water with stuff stuck in them. They have “lemon mint water”, which has a wedge of lemon and a sprig of mint, “strawberry water”, with a couple of strawberry halves floating in it, and “watermelon water”, with a chunk of melon. What she found at Whole Foods is exactly what they sell: water with stuff stuck in it and sold as an “infusion”.


eff you, Internet! Now where am I supposed to get my asparagus water?!?


“Somewhere in L.A., Whole Foods executives are laughing at all of us,” Wakim wrote.

Uh, it’s not just Whole Foods executives, Marielle. Lots of people laugh at Whole Foods customers.


So, the ridicule is the problem? Because I think Whole Foods has one big problem.


Am I the only one who is constantly amazed at how much food can be eaten at Whole Foods instead of paying for it? I’m always expecting a pit boss to come out and escort me to the door, but it never happens.


The pit boss is only if you are eating olives.

I’ll show myself out.


The executives are laughing even harder now. Now they can sell the bottles of asparagus water WITHOUT the sprigs of asparagus in them. For the same price. THIS IS WHY WE CAN’T HAVE NICE THINGS.


“Now selling in Aisle Ten, Homeopathic Asparagus Water!”

A sucker born every minute. I love it.


And if you filter it through a coconut charcoal filter, you can even get rid of the traces of the asparagus taste.


If people will drink wheat-grass juice, they’ll drink anything.


Again I think if not for that pesky ethical standards thing, I could totally make a lot of money.


WTF are people so lazy/stupid they can’t you know cut up a lemon, lime, orange, strawberry, whatever and do it themselves?
Dear stupid hipsters quit killing my faith in humanity.


I’m sure they have a water you could drink to cleanse yourself of that.

Try cucumber water, its very popular at upscale spas.


They sell it as “spa water”. As Missy_Pants notes, cucumber is in many of them as well, I’d forgotten about that. And, to be fair, convenience is always a factor here. A bottle of their “spa water” is only about two bucks here, not that much more than a bottle of…er… water, and definitely tastier if you’re on the go and want to grab something refreshing and cold. I don’t begrudge anyone a bottle of lemon water for a couple of bucks; it definitely doesn’t “kill my faith in humanity”. Hell, I’ll pay $2 for a bottle of really good iced tea if I’m super thirsty, and that’s just leaves steeped in water.

If you’re paying $6 for a piece of cucumber in tapwater because it’s Cleansing or something, well, that’s something else.


Spa water man, its just tap water with cucumber and lemon in it. Thats it.
We used to make it in a bucket in the mop sink. Seriously.

Oh spas. I could tell tales…