You know, the $5.99 asparagus water reminds me of a business idea I had. If I had a clue how to implement it, I'd make a million dollars.
So since I moved to the Chicago Loop area, I've noticed the tap water tastes great. Actually, the city has some of the best rated tap water in the country. It easily tastes better than a lot of bottled water.
So, why not bottle it? Don't make any bones on where it came from, but make it a novelty water and undercut the average cost of other waters. Just call it, "Chicago Pride" or something. Put in a blurb that Chicago has the best tap water, and so it's being bottled as an environmentally friendly alternative to normal bottled water which depletes aquifers.
Then, just pay the city the going rate for fucking tap water and sell it.