Woman Texas politician proposes rectal exams, fines, mandatory literature and masturbation ban for men

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2017/03/13/mess-with-texas.html

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Obviously, this is a stunt to illustrate the ridiculousness and unfairness of the 2011 Texas law affecting women. So chill.

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“unregulated masturbatory emissions”

So spanking your monkey is still OK?

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Seems about right.

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I hope people imprisoned under this law can still earn an…

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…early discharge

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You’re on fire today!

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Because a well-regulated emission is necessary for the security of the free state, of course.

But if they really wanted to fund the Dept, of Protective Services this way, they could set up a chat line and charge $3.99 a minute.

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Well played, Representative. Well played.

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Business model approved, let’s get this thing rolling!

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Does this qualify as messing with Texas?

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If the monkey consents… yes.

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I wonder if Jessica Farrar was inspired by Jethro Tull’s “Thick As A Brick”:

“I may make you feel but I can’t make you think;
Your sperm’s in the gutter, your love’s in the sink.”

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Wait… so… if I masturbate… she’s going to give me a rectal exam?

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What whack job came up with this plan?

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The Texas legislature had better pass this right away, or God will be quite irate with Texas.

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Reminds me of the old old joke that if men could give birth, abortion would be a sacrament…

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Yes. And if she does, ask her to simultaneously massage your prostate for added pleasure…

… so I hear!

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Perhaps she’s an originalist, where “regulated” refers to training and drilling as it does in the Second Amendment. It’s only OK under her law if you’ve had a gunnery sergeant chanting “hup-two-three-four” and “present arms”* until you do it to his satisfaction (as well as your own).

[* short variety]

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Will this be covered under TrumpCare ?

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