You Have To Fucking Eat (from the author of Go The Fuck To Sleep)


#1

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#2

I guess this is why I don’t have kids, because my response would be, “okay, bitch, go hungry.”


#3

So when do i get the morgan freeman audiobook version?


#4

That’s pretty much the best approach; they’ll eat eventually.


#5

I liked it better when “Fuck” was considered a pretty nasty word and implied a great degree of emphasis. Now it’s like saying hello.


#6

You want to bet?

I once went four days without eating when I was 3, with my mum trying to give me the same meal every time. I still have an automatic vomit reaction when i try to eat any boiled green vegetable, no matter how well prepared it is.


#7

I found that the best way to get my kids to eat broccoli is to call them “dinosaur trees.”


#8

You would be shocked by the sheer bloody-mindedness of a 3 year old. You think a mere few days of hunger is a problem when the alternative is broccoli? or, god forbid, ASPARAGUS?

All non-parents think they won’t crack. They all do, eventually.


#9

Because: Lemurs


#10

…aaaaaand, on the fifth day, what?


Or the spouse does, leaving the other to gnash their teeth.


#11

We introduced our son to the widest range of foods that we could while he was still young enough to not give a crap what was put in front of him. The only things we know of that he really doesn’t like are chicken and spicy hot stuff.


#12

True: you cannot out-stubborn a toddler.


#13

You do not like green eggs and ham?


#14

Please tell me Samuel L. Jackson will record the audio book of this one too.

Also I love that breakfast consists of a plate of toast, sausage, huevos rancheros, and, um, gumdrops? With a bowl of Cheerios. Is this a child or a hobbit?


#15

no, some of em wont.

ask me how i know? 8 years later, every meal is an hour long fight, and if he does NOT eat, maybe 3 meals in a row? it’s off to the ER for an IV.


#16

theoretically both kids do not like “spicy” food, but my daughter loves smoked pepperoni.

My son, despite loving ham, turkey, and dripping-red-roast-beef as a solid-food-introducing baby, now subsists on bread, cheese, noodles, cheesy noodles, jelly sandwiches, and "burgers – which are buns with cheese “no onions or pickles or meat” as he says. :::sigh:::


#17

that said, the book looks hilarious, and I will soo totally buy it.


#18

Eh. Some things are not improved by a sequel.


#19

I’m bored


but I don’t want to do that


#20

My mum gave in, in a way. I had a month of bland food and no treats as punishment, but I didn’t have to eat the boiled veg.