Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/06/12/kraft-introduces-salad-frost.html
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Oh wow. It’s real? I saw this a few days ago and thought it was an “Obvious Plant” joke.
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Why can’t kids just use regular frosting like the rest of us?
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“So, gentlemen, we need a new product for Q2. I’ve told the nerds in the lab to find a way to cram disappointment, hard truths about the adults you love and trust most; and diabetes into a minimally recyclable single-use food pak. Let’s see what they have for us!”
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Ha ha! It’s true - children are idiots! They voted for Trump, after all. Wait, no, that wasn’t children. Never mind.
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Here’s our magical spell template: when the kids were really young we only fed them real foods. We made most of our own ‘baby food’. When the kids got a little older if they said they were hungry we would do something radical like, I dunno, cut a carrot or slice up an apple. Now my kids are practically adults and they eat just about anything (one doesn’t care for tomato seeds, the other doesn’t like squash or mushy carrots so much). We also mix our own salad dressing and I am not sure if we’ve EVER had a store bought ranch dressing in the house… much less that hideous packaging.
(the previous advice was lent under the Creative Commons level 0 license or ‘common f!ck!ng sense’)
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Millenials, this is your moment… Save our grandchildren from salad frosting!!
Fortunately for me, this would not pass the smell test with my kids. As for me, I am feeling nauseous just trying to imagine about ranch-flavored salad frosting.
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Lettuce Lube™
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Ha ha ha these corporations are sarcastic just like us now omg lol its so true this brand really speaks to me and my very own dark sense of humor
/s
I fucking hate advertising.
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So the joke is tricking kids into eating one unhealthy thing by telling them it’s a different unhealthy thing?
Do people really encounter trouble convincing their children to eat ranch dressing?
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Next up: Heinz Ketchup rebranded as Salsa Americana to give it that fancy foreign sounding flair.
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I don’t get it. Kids don’t care what it’s called. They either like it or they don’t. Calling it “salad frosting” instead of “salad dressing” isn’t going to make them like it any better.
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Some folks just hate mayo… maybe we can get them on board by calling it “sandwich frosting!”
Not.
Surely this is some edgelord’s idea of a joke?
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Couldn’t stand it as a kid (or now actually). At that age I was Catalina or GTFO.
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Let them eat cake.
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Terry Pratchett and others have coined ‘the lies you tell to children’ as a method to encourage greater understanding…and simplify difficult concepts. “there’s a witch in the woods that will eat you” type things. Or even "Here’s a picture of a atom with little things orbiting, like a solar system’
in The Science of Discworld (1999) is as follows: “A lie-to-children is a statement that is false, but which nevertheless leads the child’s mind towards a more accurate explanation, one that the child will only be able to appreciate if it has been primed with the lie”.[9][10] The authors acknowledge that some people might dispute the applicability of the term lie , while defending it on the grounds that “it is for the best possible reasons, but it is still a lie”.[5] This viewpoint is derived from earlier perspectives within the field of philosophy of science.[11]
In a 1999 interview, Pratchett commented upon the phrase: “I like the lies-to-children motif, because it underlies the way we run our society and resonates nicely with Discworld.”[12][13] He was critical of problems inherent in early education: “You arrive with your sparkling A-levels all agleam, and the first job of the tutors is to reveal that what you thought was true is only true for a given value of ‘truth’.”[12][13] Pratchett cautioned: “Most of us need just ‘enough’ knowledge of the sciences, and it’s delivered to us in metaphors and analogies that bite us in the bum if we think they’re the same as the truth.”[12][13]
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lie-to-children
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“Salsa Americana” – I love this and am going to use it from now on. Thank you!
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Ketchup is republicanese for “that’s a little too spicy for me”
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There’s actually quite a bit of that in College Physics textbooks, such as the explanation of the Casimir effect and the “proof” that QM bound states have negative energy.
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“Salad pantsing”
