Badass Space Dragon - Round 7 - Sans Sheriff

games
1

The Truth of Charybdis

Editorial by Brad Nebula

Consider this an open letter to the citizens of the coalition. Many of you know me from my recent films, Captain Dekatron and The Murder Fish or Space Academy IV. I hope you also know that, beyond an interest in holo-projections, I have deep empathy for the suffering children of the universe.

Several days ago, I left my private vineyard planet because I wanted to help the orphans of the Charybdis occupation. I thought I could make a change for them, but, somehow, I ended up being the one who was changed.

First, let me tell you, Charybdis is dangerous but not for the reasons you think. I believe that our government has destabilized this galaxy in their efforts to control it. They wish to portray Charybdis as lawless and in need of their guiding hand when, in fact, I have only survived here because of the very outlaws and rebels we are trying to sweep away.

I was shot down over Sandfish VII by a scuzzoids, the colloquial term for Coalition assassin droids. Sandfish VII is a small fishing planet and I was immediately taken in by the very orphans I was hoping to help. They forced me to recite lines from my films and wouldn’t stop touching my hair, but, aside from that, they were harmless.

Several pilots immediately came to my defense against these droid assassins and a few even laid their lives down for me, something I can’t ever hope to repay.

I am here of my own free will and living quite happily amongst the people of Sandfish VII. I have found that these people, and most Charybdians, consider themselves members of an independent state and not citizens of the Coalition.

The citizens of Charybdis are prepared to fight and die for their land and livelihoods and I will stand with them until the Coalition recognizes their sovereignty, autonomy and freedom from the commercially motivated interests of the I.C.U.P. and their shadowy masters in the Galaxxon Corporation.

XOXO - B. Nebula

4

I wasssn’t on Misssion 1.

5

Oh balls.

6

I hope I didn’t sssway a fight I wasssn’t in. :slight_smile:

7

It’ll be a bit before I recalculate everything.

8

I could have been there, for $60000, plusss damagesss?

Would have been exssstra gritty of me.

1 Like
9

What did the Grey Mouser do to deserve no flavor text?

10

I just got here. Wha’ happened? Did I died? Did I died???

11

We will seeeeee.

12

Death awaitsss usss all, with nasssty sssharp pointy teeth.

2 Likes
13

I know just how you feel.
Thanks being honest with Capt Nixon; I recongnize that extra work is a PITA.
Thanks for all of your work

–“Falkayn”

1 Like
14

While we sit at the bar waiting for the ships to come back from their missions, We do know that Mr Nebula is still alive, so at least one ship on MIssion 4 survived.

I was thinking about giving Brad Nebula Don Mondo’s (putative) eye if Tiny didn’t want it (and I survived). Given the great publicity Brad is getting for us, that seems like a nice gesture. We want to give some thought about how we spin this.

I’m a trader. I tried to trade that eyeball for Pedge, but that didn’t seem to work. What else would you suggest we trade that eyeball for? I have enough unblinking eyes on this ship staring at me already.

15

Give it a decsssent funeral. Mondo deserved that, at leassst. I find making trophiesss of lizsssards a little disssstasssteful.

16

Of courssse, feel free to ignore my opinion. I might be dead, after all.

17

FTFY :wink:

2 Likes
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1 Like
19

Results

Tiny arrived just outside Ella's system looking to tangle with Pedge and all he found was a wall of ships, friends to Pedge and hired guns. Pedge had sought refuge aboard the Sylla, out of reach and out of range. It was at that moment Tiny realized he wasn't looking for Pedge at all, he was looking for a fight.

Always up for a brawl, Das Boot and Aluminum Mallard were dragged into the skirmish against five other ships. They had a greater hull capacity but they were outnumbered and outgunned, Tiny's squad perished but not before taking down Dr. Esstimpress and The Nitimeistheritime.
***Captain Roger Wilco - Human (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Aluminum Mallard 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 NONE 14

You absorb much more damage than your shields can handle. The Jewel of the Desert lays into you with a final barrage of homing missiles and you feel the rush of oxygen leaving the bridge.

**-$4400, +44 HP** | Hull Repairs
**-$500** | Mission Supplies
**-183 HP** | Battle Damage
**~ DEAD ~** | Destroyed by The Jewel of the Desert
***Captain Beefheart - Space Lizard (ICUP)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Bongo Fury 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 NONE 7

** ~ DEAD ~ ** | Killed by Don Mondo
***Captain Q'a'strastro - Human (Neutral)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Burnt Asbestos 71/119 39 15 13 19 29 $60074 Miner's Hardhat 11

Zot Zot Zot! You crushed that ship like a tin can. Your critical hit in the first round of combat did 84 damage and you could have knocked him over with a feather after that.

**-$25,000, +25 FP** | 5xZot Guns
**-$5,000, +5 ST** | Scramblers
**-$9500, +19 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**-$10,000, +2 GRIT** | Miner's Hard Hat
**-$500** | Mission Supplies
**-48 HP** | Battle Damage vs. Space Scum
**+1 GRIT** | Critical Hit!
**$60,000, +3 GRIT** | Mission Success!
***Captain Thrummel Carfax - Android (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Cepheus Maiden 68/111 22 21 21 25 43 $10 Electro-Fedora 11

**No Action Today** | -5 GRIT
***Commander Jameson - Human (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Cobra II 133/154 47 39 34 41 50 $60274 Greasy Ball Cap 18

The model G2-4311 Android melts in the most satisfying way as your zot guns tear through the hull of its ship. You hardly feel a bump as the return fire glances off your dense hull.

Pretty damn impressive, I bet Brad Nebula will want *your* autograph!

**$214.28** | Gift from the I.M.V Flatulent Deity
**-$19,500, +39 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**-$15,000, +15 FP** | 3 x Zot Guns
**-$15,000, +15 ST** | 3 x Scramblers
**-$20** | Bar Tab
**-$500** | Mission Supplies
**-21 HP** | Battle Damage vs. Space Scum
**$60,000, +3 GRIT** | Mission Success!
***Captain Lenar Belox - Android (ICUP)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Das Boot 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 NONE 13

You manage to dodge the first several volleys, the Talionis is getting pounded and you see the captain of the Mallard take a space walk. It's two ships against five.

Dr. Esstimpress spins out of control and you launch your homing missles into the mess. Four against two but it still isn't going well.

You know this is the end when Marshal Seldon lines you up and starts transmitting a Coalition Rights Policy. You interrupt the transmission with a volley of homing missiles and The First Post1 breaks in melting your boat to slag.

**+26 HP** | Affordable Repair Act
**-$500** | Mission Supplies
**-142 HP** | Battle Damage
**~ DEAD ~** | Destroyed by The First Post1
***Captain Rhaegar - Human (ICUP)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Dracarys 20/111 38 30 27 17 21 $20000 NONE 7

**No Action Today** | -5 GRIT
***Captain Glenn McJlarty - aka McJ - Human (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Dubdub 112/106 18 35 23 16 81 $50264 NONE 17

**$214.28** | Gift from the I.M.V Flatulent Deity
**No Action Today** | -5 GRIT
***Captain Newb Naiv - Human (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
First Post1 2/180 53 29 21 16 36 $14044 NONE 20

The battle takes too long and the damage you're soaking up is pushing the limits of your new hull. Das Boot appears from nowhere with a line on you and it's all you can do to turn the guns in time. It was you or them.

**$214.28** | Gift from the I.M.V Flatulent Deity
**+$4000** | Endogenic Escrow Payment from Captain Falkayn
**-$24,500, +49 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**-$25,000, +25 FP** | 5 x Zot Guns
**-$400** | 2 x Jugga Rot-Gut
**-$500** | Mission Supplies
**-178 HP** | Battle Damage
**+3 LK, 2 SH, 1 FP** | Salvage
**+2 GRIT** | Mission Success!
**$10,000** | Pedge Payment
**+2 GRIT** | Destroyed Das Boot
***Captain Lord Fritz - Android (Neutral)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Grey Mouser 94/100 29 29 29 23 23 $14067 NONE 11

You wheel up to the Scylla and poke around until a perimeter droid gets a little too curious. You fry the droid and hightail it back to Pete's with your cache full of data on the warship and her commercial companions, a Galaxxon Mark X Sun Harvester and a fleet of planet crunchers.

**+31 HP** | Affordable Repair Act
**-$1000** | Mission Supplies
**-6 HP** | You dealt with ONE nosy drone
**$5,000, +1 GRIT, Access to Pete's Shop** | Mission Success!
***Captain PingPing Pandan - Human (Neutral)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Hobar 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 NONE 8

** ~ DEAD ~ ** | Dynamite Explosion
***Cap'n Ninedollar - Space Lizard (Neutral)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Hoosier Mama 74/104 19 17 18 19 17 $10220 NONE -9

**No Action Today** | -5 GRIT
***Skipper - Space Lizard (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
I.M.V. Flatulent Deity 107/168 38 33 24 25 56 $70000 Bolero 27

You drop in on a G2-4311 Android in pursuit of Brad Nebula. You quickly assssesss it's weak points and drive home a volley of zot gun fire and a Mondo cannon blast for good measure. Despite dealing a respectable amount of damage, the scuzzoid barely has your ship off balance. The hull density improvements appear to have been a good investment.

**-$24,000, +48 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**-$5,000, +5 FP** | Zot Guns
**-$5,000, +5 ST** | Scramblers
**-$4000.04** | Charitable Contribution to SHIP
**-$1499.96** | Pete Savior Wannabes Fund
**-$500** | Mission Supplies
**-61 HP** | Battle Damage vs. Space Scum
**$60,000, +3 GRIT** | Mission Success!
***Captain Krazy D Clown - Human (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Insane1 102/102 41 13 19 17 41 $51740 NONE 13

**No Action Today** | -5 GRIT
***Marshal Paul Seldon - Human (ICUP - Marshal)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Ironclad Cochrane 62/101 31 31 31 34 31 $10006 Chupalla 17

Marshal Cochrane shows up to relieve Charybdis of a rage-filled Space Lizard and a few of his friends. It's a long battle and takes a toll on all involved. The Ironclad takes a few small blasts from the Aluminum Mallard and dishes out heavy damage in return.

After the battle you swing by Ella's to pick up the mail and find a package lumped in with the bills. Inside is a Chupalla, a perfect hat for you, now standard issue for frontier lawmen.

**+28 HP** | Affordable Repair Act
**-$7500, +5 FP** | 5 x Homing Missiles
**-$6000, +4 EN** | 4 x Glorious Gadgets, Gizmos and Gewgaws
**-$15,000, +10 LK** | 10 x Clover Soup
**+1 ST** | Tiny Sniper Holo-Projection
**+$4000** | Endogenic Escrow Payment from Captain Falkayn
**-$500** | Mission Supplies
**-118 HP** | Battle Damage
**3 ST, 1 LK, 1 FP** | Salvage
**+2 GRIT** | Mission Success!
**$10,000** | Pedge Payment
**+2 GRIT** | Chupalla
***Captain Hogarth - Human (ICUP)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
The Iron Giant 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 Plaid Kangol 17

You dropped in on a well shielded and armored space scuzzoid. It looks like a model G2-4311, a particularly nasty brand of assasin droid developed by ICUP contractors.. why would it be out here?

You're dead. On the bright side, you gave your life for Brad Nebula. THE Brad Nebula. That's almost better than an autograph, now he'll have to attend your funeral!

**+50 HP** | Affordable Repair Act
**-$10,500, +21 HP** | Hull Repairs
**-$3000, +2 FP** | 2 x Homing Missiles
**-$4500, +3 SH** | 3 x Flak Bursts
**-$1500, +1 ST** | Nightshade
**-$500** | Mission Supplies
**-131 HP** | Scuzzoid G2-4311
** ~ DEAD ~** | Destroyed by G2-4311 Android
***Captain Adélie - Android (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Jewel of the Desert 64/139 41 55 27 29 56 $10700 Miner's Hard Hat 32

You take a few good blasts from each of the ships you're up against. The hula dancer rattles on the dash, the pile of organs slosh around a bit. You dig out the homing missiles, better use up that old ordinance. A few well placed shots and the Mallard is a lame duck.

You turn to face the Talionis... he's been taking heavy fire from all fronts and it's just a matter of finsihing him. You press the button and watch a rain of scrap metal. Salvage time.

**$214.28** | Gift from the I.M.V Flatulent Deity
**+$4000** | Endogenic Escrow Payment from Captain Falkayn
**-$18500, +37 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**-$10,000, +10 ST** | 2 x Scramblers
**+1 EN** | Hula Dancer
**-$15,000, +15 FP** | 3 x Zot Guns
**-$10,000, +2 GRIT** | Miner's Hard Hat
**-$14.28** | Tadpole Orphans Fund
**-$500** | Mission Supplies
**-75 HP** | Battle Damage
**3 SH, 2 EN, 1 ST** | Salvage
**+2 GRIT** | Mission Success!
**$10,000** | Pedge Payment
**+2 GRIT** | Destroyed the Aluminum Mallard
**+3 GRIT, +Pimp Hat** | Destroyed the Talionis
20
***Captain Increase Waistline - Human (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Mistaker II 55/100 18 18 18 13 34 $1000 NONE 5

**-5 GRIT** | No Action Today
***Captain David Falkayn - Human (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Muddlin' Through 131/143 45 41 35 31 55 $64154 NONE 28

You drop the underpowered scuzzoid with ease. It appears to be a model G2-4311 Android, a nasty brand of Coalition hardware... although it's hard to tell from the slag heap that's left over.

**-$11,500, +23 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**-$5,000, +5 ST** | Scramblers
**-$10,000, +10 FP** | 2 x Zot Guns
**-$20,000** | Save Pedge donations
**$214.28** | Gift from the I.M.V Flatulent Deity
**+1 GRIT** | Master Strategist
**-12 HP** | Battle Damage vs. Space Scum
**$60,000, +3 GRIT** | Mission Success!
***Dr. Esstimpress - Human (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
The Nitimeistheritime 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 NONE 8

A wall of ships awaits Tiny and his friends when he arrives to meet Pedge. One of the other captains tries to explain that Pedge has sought refuge on the Scylla and that Tiny should go looking for him there. Not one to trifle with conversation when the chips are down, Tiny opens fire. Several blasts from Mondo Cannons send you spinning and a barrage of homing missiles peel back the lid.

**+$4000** | Endogenic Escrow Payment from Captain Falkayn
**-$500** | Mission Supplies
**-89 HP** | Battle Damage
**~ DEAD ~** | Destroyed by Das Boot
***Captain Morel Lönnrot - Android (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Nordstjärnan 93/121 48 29 31 24 40 $24700 Fez 26

You take one solid hit from Das Boot and catch a little incedental laser fire, nothing else touches you as you weave and dish out damage to the opposing ships.

**+$4000** | Endogenic Escrow Payment from Captain Falkayn
**-$500** | Mission Supplies
**-$5,000, +5 ST** | Scramblers
**-$5,000, +5 FP** | Zot Guns
**-$30,000, +30 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**-28 HP** | Battle Damage
**3 FP, 1 ST, 1 LK, 3 EN** | Salvage
**+2 GRIT** | Mission Success!
**$10,000** | Pedge Payment
***Captain Saurodroid - Android (Neutral)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Pillar of Autumn 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 NONE 3

** ~ DEAD ~** | Crystal Hydromethane Explosion
***Captain Richard M.Nixon - Space Lizard (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Pusillanimous Patty 113/153 62 32 33 33 56 $60175 Cthulhu Fez 25

You duck out of the fight with the Talionis and scuttle a space scuzzoid.

**-$21500, +43 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**-$25,000, +25 FP** | 5 x Zot Guns
**-$5,000, +5 ST** | Scramblers
**+$214.28** | Gift from the I.M.V Flatulent Deity
**+$-14** | Bar Tab
**+1 EN** | Mix Tape
**-$500** | Mission Supplies
**-40 HP** | Battle Damage vs. Space Scum
**$60,000, +3 GRIT** | Mission Success!
***CaptainPedge - Space Lizard (ICUP)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Quisquiliae sStruem 58/100 20 30 20 20 25 $40180 Natty Topper 17

You hightail it to the Scylla leaving a small contingent of friends and contractors to sort things out with Tiny.

Aboard the Scylla, the crew welcomes you and provides light field repairs while you surreptitiously poke around for weaknesses and leak a quantum-tangle data blob back to the resistance.

**-$50,000** | Reward Fund
**-$10,000** | Purple Pimp Hat
**-2 GRIT** | Hiding Under a Rock
**+10 HP** | Minor Repairs by Scylla Crew
**-$1000** | Mission Supplies
**$5,000, +1 GRIT, Access to Pete's Shop** | Mission Success!
***Captain El-Esk - Android (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Senescent Wanderer 151/160 36 35 22 25 33 $0 NONE 27

You pay for your Hull Density Adjustments and fuel up for your mission with the change. The new paint job looks great and you can't stop smiling at the imminent perplexion of the crew on board the Scylla. Damn, it must feel good, this impending freedom. The burden of sentience, lifted.

As you're flipping through audio files, the Wanderer drops out of hyperspace and dull blue lights flip on, indicating you've entered low-power mode. It appears that you didn't purchase enough fuel to make the jump. A miscalculation? A glitch in the firmware.. again?

This could be the end. You could just let the power run down. A nice quiet way to go like sleeping... unless some good samaritan comes by with a charge.

At twenty octodeciflops, you've got plenty of time to think about it. Maybe a walk down to the weapons bay to bathe in the Mondo Cannon? ...But what about the new paint job?

**$214.28** | Gift from the I.M.V Flatulent Deity
**-$19,500, +39 MAX HP** | Hull Denisty Adjustment
**-$12** | Newt Greenwald's Screed
**+5 GRIT, -2 ST** | Paint Job
**-$714** | Mission Supplies
***Herpe'derp III of the Komodar Empire - Space Lizard (Neutral)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Slidewinder 71/100 15 16 17 15 17 $12150 NONE -10

**No Action Today** | -5 GRIT
***Captain Hot, Earl Grey - Space Lizard (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
The Slightly More Than Ordinary 39/100 21 18 18 19 33 $500 NONE 3

**No Action Today** | -5 GRIT
***Captain Underpants - Human (ICUP)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
The TARD-iss 111/113 27 23 23 23 32 $8950 NONE 12

Damn that was a big ship and several Galaxxon vessels in tow although those appear to be largely dedicated to energy harvest and without any artillary.

**+50 HP** | Affordable Repair Act
**-$50** | Flowers
**-$1000** | Mission Supplies
**$5,000, +1 GRIT, Access to Pete's Shop** | Mission Success!
***Captain Bonso Juneau - Android (Outlaw)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Taurean Mule 105/105 27 36 20 18 43 $50380 NONE 14

**No Action Today** | -5 GRIT
***Captain Damianus Iulianus - Android (ICUP)***

**Ship** **HP** **FP** **SH** **EN** **ST** **LK** **CASH** **HAT** **GRIT**
Zhe Shadow Pacifist 0/0 0 0 0 0 0 $0 NONE 5

Zhe Shadow Pacifist dropped in on a particularly vile android, a model G2-4311 developed for the Coalition by the residents of planet Haxxor. It didn't go well for Captain Damianus but the crew was at least able to distract the monster from singeing the perfectly coiffed hair of Brad Nebula.

*Sigh.*

Brad Nebula... he's so dreamy.

**+15 HP** | Affordable Repair Act
**-$1500, +1 FP** | Homing Missiles
**-$1500, +1 SH** | Flak Bursts
**-$1500, +1 EN** | Glorious Gadgets, Gizmos and Gewgaws
**-$1500, +1 ST** | Nightshade
**-$4500, +3 LK** | 3 x Clover Soup
**-$500** | Mission Supplies
**-122HP** | Blasted by Space Scum
**~ DEAD ~** | Destroyed by G2-4311 Android
21

Marvellousss. Ta muchly. My apologiesss to Captain Naiv, who took the beating that wasss clearly meant for me. There’sss a reassson the Patty isss called Pusssillanimousss.

Excssept…

+$4000 LK | Endogenic Escrow Payment from Captain Falkayn

Thisss isssn’t mine. It would have gone to the Cepheusss Maiden, if Carfaxsss had sssshowed up. Give it back to Falkayn.

22

– SYSTEM NOTE –

Apologies for the late update, there may be more errors than usual, I had to hastily re-run some of the stats this morning. Totally my fault. Please check your numbers and make sure things look right.

It will help me in the future if you keep all of your purchases and mission selections in one place, the people who have adopted the shopping list method and include their expected totals are the ones I usually make fewer errors on transcribing.

Private message mission selections are going to be allowed for the rest of the game. To make it easier for me, please include the name of your subject line, like this - Spiceship - Secret Mission Selection

Getting down to it… Only TWO more mission sets left. Thank you all for playing, I’m excited to see how it wraps up!!

– SYSTEM NOTE –