I realize it’s still early, but this is the best thing I’ve read today.
Inb4 Python quotes
obligatory: not dead, resting.
This parrot has become a chapeau!
It’s pining for the ski hills.
Is the hat ok?
“Awk! She’s a witch! She turned me into a hat! Awk!”
“I got a hat.”
“Pray, does it talk?”
“Not really.”
"Well It’s hardly a bloody replacement, it it!?!
Concerned enough to call animal rescue, not concerned enough to stop the car and check on the “injured parrot” for a moment?
Hey, well they always tell us: “If you see something, say something!”
“Remarkable hat, id’nit, squire? Lovely plumage!”
“Why did the nearsighted haggis cross the road?”
“It wanted to help the parrot.”
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