Oh, man! I read the whole article linked to. Twice!
How many oranges, Lt Colonel Ngoepe? How many?
Let he who is without citrus cast the first orange.
This seems unlikely. it would take so many oranges, who wouldn't walk out of range of the ammo supply?
And if a man lieth with a fruit, let him be oranged to death, and the fruit shall not be eaten, for it is an abomination, sayeth the LORD.
In other news, TSA is considering adding fruits and vegetables to the list of prohibited items.
Mind the oranges, Babanto!
This sounds like a much grimmer (read: much better) version of an Encyclopedia Brown mystery. Or someone's read Rubyfruit Jungle a few too many times.
That's nearly incomprehensible.
Sounds like they beat him...
...to a pulp.
Beaten with a bag of oranges reminds me of the scene from Grifters. If the story is true, then it's gotta be a shitty, not particularly quick way to die
The worst part is no one can write a song or poem or even a rhyming epitaph about his death.
He encountered some brutes
Who threw at him their fruits —
Alas, they were not eating grapes.
He was battered and bruised,
flying-citrus abused —
His death was painted in orange.
It would take relatively few frozen oranges.
As gruesome as it is I'm trying to imagine the logistics of this. Getting hit by ONE orange fucking hurts if it is thrown with force. It probably wouldn't have the same bone-shattering potential as a stone of the same size, but one large, well-thrown orange could probably give you a concussion. Several quick, well-aimed shots could probably rattle the brain around enough to cause eventual death from brain swelling and trauma..
Stoning seems like it would be a horrible way to die, and this seems just as terrible but more prolonged.
Why didn't the guy run away? Was he too intimidated to run? Physically incapable of running? Trapped somewhere so he couldn't get away? Did he feel a sense of duty and obligation to stand and take it? Did the killers have a history of bullying other people - to death or otherwise?
Jesus fuck, this truly is horrific.
Now here's my contribution to the black humor in this thread:
There once was a man from Tzaneen
Upon citrus he wasn't so keen.
Two colleagues from the farm
Did the man deadly harm
With a fruit bashing - wild and mean.
"Nothing harms like rough juice does" according to local peeler Lt Colonel Ngoepe. Co-workers claimed the victim lacked a zest for work but knew little of his Vitamin C intolerance. We wanted to press a charge of in-fanta-cide but realised it was the wrong ordnace - we settled on death by sustained Navel engagement. Case closed.
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