Really? Then who’s quoting one of the original Different Strokes promos, if not him?
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I believed there was a kind of insulator in your head so that if you chewed something crunchy like lettuce, nobody else could hear it. My father yelling at me to stop chewing so noisily only convinced me my insulator was broken.
I also believed that if you could look in your bellybutton quickly enough after you swallowed, you could see the food going down. I never looked fast enough.
Finally, I also believed some kind of pixies lived in your bum. Their job was to make the poo pointy if you’d been naughty, so it hurt when it exited the body.
Yep, I was one fucked-up little kid.
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He’s been dead seven years:
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What does one have to do to get reincarnated as a butt fairy?
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My first thought before reading any further than the headline was also “that the adults have any idea what they are doing”, but my dad, to his credit, made sure I never thought the world was fair. “It rains on the just and unjust alike” was a popular quote in our house. He might have meant it in the religious sense, but it applies especially well to humans.
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When I was small, I had it in my head that the Earth was C shaped, and that my neighborhood was on one of the ends of the C. The moon was the other end of the C, just barely visible through the sky-haze, when the lighting conditions were right.
And therefore, if one had a mind to, one could plausibly drive their way to the moon by going the long way around the C. I was pretty sure that it’d take an awfully long time, but I believed that the C-shaped Earth was populated the whole way around, so you’d be able to make such a trip if you really wanted to.
This made the whole thing about using a rocket to get to the moon seem somewhat less exciting; it wasn’t about getting a person to a far-away, inaccessible place; it was just about making a long, boring trip somewhat shorter.
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That
is
amazing!
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When we took our old clothes to the big yellow Salvation Army donation box, I thought they were repurposed into uniforms for the…Salvation Army. I had no idea what the soldiers did.
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When I was little I was convinced that Mickey Mouse was Mighty Mouse’s secret identity.
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He isn’t?
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Obviously not if he’s not wearing glasses!
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Also known as Max Headroom
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Heh. Dunno. Thoughts, y’all, about what it takes to be reincarnated as a bum pixie? 
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I mean, I suppose he might still be. It could be another instance of that “Barack Obama really does moonlight as ‘Greg from IT’ on the weekends” trope.
So that’s how he tapped Trump Tower!
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Did anybody avoid Bubble Yum for a while because Eeeew! Spider Eggs!!!
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