A fireplace that burns proprietary logs

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2019/07/11/alcohol-delivery-system.html

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I’m looking forward to an ironic guillotine that only allows proprietary blades.

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“Let them eat DRM!”
Something like that, anyway.

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The guillotines are cheap, but only the rich can afford the blades.

Oh, wait. That’s a metaphor for our justice system, isn’t it?

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I thought it was the blades that were cheap, but there’s a few things they don’t seem to cut.

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Better than bad it’s good.

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Surround a Bunsen burner by some small river rocks - save some coin…

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A metal tray of Sterno or similar jellied alcohol, maybe with some NaCl to get the yellow colour. I don’t see it as too difficult, either to make one’s own or refill the proprietary cartridges.

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I’m surprised it isn’t “smart”, IOT-enabled, and doesn’t come with a smartphone app.

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Use restaurant quality sterno candles, 115 hours of fun & flame, get them from Amazon / Smart & Final [link at bottom]. We made a ventless fireplace at our Joshua Tree home. Used an old trough bucket, filled it with pretty rocks, and light the wicks. Sorry don’t have any images, but it works nice, and it ain’t child proof.

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I can envision a scenario wherein some end-user tries to save money, concocts his own homebrew fuel on the basis of some dodgy Internet advice, ends up with his own pressurized napalm jet that burns down the neighborhood, and then sues the manufacturer of the fireplace.

A better question might be is whether this particular patented widget truly offers substantial advantages over alternatives that burn something more standardized.

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Just thinking out loud. :wink:

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I just checked local Craigslist. $50 a face-cord (delivered) for seasoned hardwood. I have a bunch of fireplaces in my house.

i have been considering converting the one in the bedroom to use Natural gas…

I am reminded of this passage from Stand on Zanzibar, John Brunner’s 1968 “non-novel”; the time is on or about “ToDAY third MAY twenty-TEN come aGAIN!”:

HOW TO

Empty one self-heating “Camp with Campbell” soup-can by perforating it at the point shown in the picture, NOT conventionally at the top. Refill with any explosive or flammable compound flashing below 93° C. Close hole with surgical waterproof tape. On puncturing the can will become a grenade with a delay of 7 to 12 sec. according to contents …

From a selection of duplicated, photocopied, holographed, offset, lithoed and printed leaflets on file at Ellay police HQ

update: removed extraneous right paren.

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I agree with you, this isn’t like refilling your Swiffer Wet Jet tank with your own homemade cleaning solution instead of buying a refill tank. I wouldn’t want to monkey around with something that could potentially burn down my home if I DYI’ed a refill. Then again it sounds kind of expensive to use this fireplace to begin with, IDK.

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If the fireplace is non-vented (doesn’t have a chimney/exhaust to the outside) I would envision the that manufacturer would implement DRM (or at least some very strong legal boilerplate attempting to absolve their liability) to insure that the fuel the fireplace burns very clean and doesn’t emit CO and other harmful gasses.

If the fireplace is properly vented to the outside…

I recommend visiting your local thrift store and grabbing a VHS player, ‘fireplace logs’ video tape, and an old 19" CRT television set and putting it all in the fireplace.

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937db5874af632e6584b44f9901a2dfa

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If I thought there was a demand for such a thing, I would invent a version that burned cheap isopropyl.

Sell it for half as much.

Kits for a quarter as much.

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Once upon a time I would have said gas fireplaces aren’t the same, until I slept next to one while visiting somebody else’s home once. Fire is fire. Gas fireplaces are fine.

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