A fireplace that burns proprietary logs

Queen: But why can’t we do the execution today?!

Servant: Your Majesty! Ummm…the company sent me an email saying we needed to renew our subscription in order to release the proprietary blade lock, but it went into my spam folder, so our account is way past due!

Queen: Off with your head! Wait…dammit!!!

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that is, proprietary logs

This is most certainly the tech hell version of the pet rock.

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I bet I could get a standard log to burn in it.

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That’s entertainment!

Good thing no one ever got a patent on fire.

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Prometheus broke the fire cartel, paying a heavy price for his gift to humanity.

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