A friend of mine just killed himself


#1

i really don’t know what i’m looking for here. i’m just really sad and am not sure what to do, or how to deal with this. i’ve always been a fan of this place, but have never commented. sorry to bring anybody down.


#2

I think different things work for different people. I think your reaching out, even here, is a good sign; it’s a good thing to do. I suggest reaching out and just being with others you know, even if you don’t talk with them about what’s happened. Affirm life, by connecting with others. Even hugging pets, if you have any.


#3

I am sorry for your loss.

Do you know about PostSecret? It’s a unique suicide awareness project. Unfortunately, it’s too late for your friend, but you might find solace in the community there.


#4

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Take one day, one hour at a time.


#5

I am so sorry. That is always terrible to deal with. Seek out friends to help bear the loss, and try and hold on to the good things you had with your friend. And go talk to someone if you need to. The death of a loved one is always tough, but suicides seem double so.


#6

I’ve gone through that a couple of times now. The most recent was a mentor of mine who got caught in a manic-depressive trough and put a gun to himself. I was in California on business, a friend (of both of us) in SD called me with the bad news, and we both were just numb until the funeral. The thing that got both of us through it were our friends, some old and some new. The night I was told I ended up playing video games all night with some, my SD buddy and I shared several drinks (with more friends (on multiple occasions)), and we managed to get through it together.

It still hurts though, and you’ll still miss your friend. The trick is to take the parts of them you liked the most and try to live them out in your lives as best you can. It doesn’t make the pain go away, but it makes it less.


#7

Very sorry about your loss. You might consider researching some grief counselors online and calling one or two. I hope you are OK.


#8

I’m very, very sorry to hear this. I don’t have any answers for you – I’m still strugging with my friends’ suicides, even years after the fact in some cases. The pain dulls, but doesn’t go away. Seek out friends who knew your friend, and comfort each other. Shared joy is increased, shared pain is decreased.


#10

I’m sorry for your loss.

My aunt (who was more like a big sister, we were only 5 years apart) recently took her life. It has been a couple months, but the entire family just had no idea she was going through anything and we are all stunned. The lack of answers is probably the hardest part, at least for me, trying to assign some logic or reason to why she did this.

Besides going on about myself I wanted to make sure to mention this book that was helpful for me. Perhaps it will help you. My thoughts are with you.


#11

If you don’t have any friends or family readily available to speak with, then talk to us. There may be a lot of hate and ugliness on the Internet, but there’s a lot more decency, compassion and empathy, especially in places like this. I’m pretty sure that all of us who chose to comment will lend you a sympathetic ear – and there are a lot more decent folks out there ready to step up and help.

In your own time. We’ll be here.


#12

Yes. Thank all my lucky stars for the friends I’ve made in the wired world, because they have always been there for me.

Last year, a girl I’ve known for more than a decade killed herself. It was shocking and unexpected, as these things are. We can guess at what triggered her misery in recent months but whatever tipped her over into that final night is beyond all of us. It’s a hard thing to deal with, to carry in your heart and your head. Whatever you are feeling right now - anger or sadness or numbness or whatever - I just want to tell you that it is totally okay to feel that like and for it to be all kinds of weird. You’re not doing it wrong. This sort of thing is just so fucked up that there isn’t any right way to deal with it.


#13

Good vibes to you


#14

I’m very sorry. It’s worse than having a friend murdered, or die in a stupid accident.

I don’t really know if my advice is any good. It’s based on me doing it wrong, and things getting even worse.

Don’t let the people who were closest to your friend isolate themselves. If they say crazy things from despair or unfocused rage don’t let them drive you away, pull them in closer, even if they kick back at you, even if they scream for you to go away. If somebody wants to talk about the conversations they’ve been having with their dead wife every night, it’ll be hard to take, but don’t turn away or sit there shocked silent. Speak up in the pauses, tell them to keep talking, and cry if you need to. Hold them if they’ll let you. If you’re that person, going nuts from grief and despair, try to remember that nobody else knows what to do or how to make anything any better and a lot of them are completely paralyzed by emotion. Tell them what you need, take what they can give. Some of the people who love you the most are going to be completely incapable of speaking in your presence, help them talk if you can, forgive them if you can. Stay away from weapons entirely, and alcohol as much as possible, and don’t try to do hand/eye type things when you’re periodically emotionally overwhelmed. Pull the car over, shut off the chainsaw, put down the knitting. Walk outside instead, into a garden or woods if you can. Pray or meditate if that’s something that you do, but do it someplace alive, like a garden or a church, not a sterile office or empty house.


#15

This looks like an old post but I just found it and you helped me to think about someone I hadn’t thought about in a long time.

I think that’s the best we can do, just remembering the best parts of people and carrying them with us in spirit.

Much love to all.


#16

This topic was automatically closed after 1308 days. New replies are no longer allowed.