A toilet with facial recognition for your butthole

boing
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I bet about half of us can identify this one:
2020-04-07_10h44_39

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Ever since I found out rectal scans were as unique as retinal scans, I became convinced that the surge of alien abductions and “probing” incidents were part of a pan galactic identity theft scam. Earth’s credit score is crap because of these guys. Also explains “global debt” We really DO owe the decipticons.

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Pucker recognition, maybe?

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Came here for this.

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Thank you, you are cleared through buttprint identification:

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right? i feel like this smart butthole thing is a waste of time. buttholes aren’t smart.

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It only qualifies when the onboard security is laughably inadequate, malicious users are able to hijack the camera remotely, and users end up seeing their buttholes re-posted on 4-chan.

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Does anyone really know what their own butt hole looks like.

I have a general idea… :smile:

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Supplied evidence:

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I, for one, am against analprinting. Biometrics are a shoddy way of securing your data- whos to say some asshole won’t come along and steal your analprint? How would you ever get it back? Can you imagine going to a lawyer with that one?

:face_with_hand_over_mouth:

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classifies stool according to the Bristol stool form scale using deep learning

How deep into your arse does it have to go to identify the state of your anoderm?

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…that requires a deposit before you join

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And the CIA knows all about it. Palantir provides the CIA-Stanford connection. Or maybe it was the FBI:

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I’m going to poo-poo this one.

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#NotAllButtholes

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Snake cameras can get views of places that can be challenging for most cameras…

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The obligatory joke based on the common mispronunciation of “Uranus” is left as an exercise.

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We’re right to laugh about this because, come on, POOP! But I can’t wait for the routine analysis of excreta to become common. The amount of information each person excretes every day is staggering – I’d think it would be impossible to have any serious medical problem without it being reflected in feces or urine. And it’s hard to think of a less invasive assay – would you rather they stuck you with a needle or analyzed your shit?

It’s yet another kind of information we’d want to secure; we wouldn’t want the neighbors to know our medical secrets, and even less the insurers. But it’s sensitive because it’s so incredibly useful.

Also, did I mention poop?

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