Alternatives to resting bitch face


Originally published at:


I’m pretty sure I used the “Please Tip a Bottle of Bourbon Down My Throat Immediately Face” a few times over the holidays.



“I am imagining you dead” face.


Is that the ATT commercial actress?


I’m not putting your needs ahead of my own at this precise moment face. Honestly, that’s pretty much it, right there. A woman whose face does not sympathetically reflect the other person’s needs and wants in the moment has “resting bitch face”.


Is there a masculine version of “resting bitch face?”


Resting dick face.


This annoying redefinition of resting dick face now means we need a flacid penis face.


I have “I’m not mad at you, I just don’t want to be here in general” face.


I have resting bastard face, just ask my dear wife.


I didn’t realize I wrote an article for GQ.


I tend to think of it as “neutral expression - not smiling the way women are ‘supposed to’” face. But I suppose a neutral expression that’s actually a neutral expression and not displaying empathy for the viewer is also true.

Short answer: No. Men are allowed to have neutral expressions. Men have to have downright negative expressions on their faces before it becomes remarked upon (and usually then only in the context of a discussion of “resting bitch face”).
I myself have been told I have “I will fucking kill you (seriously, I will stab you in the eyeballs)” face. Well, something along those lines. It causes some problems.


Who’s “we”?



It’s a funny list but I think it unfairly puts the burden on the woman who’s perceived as having “resting bitch face” so here are my alternatives from the perspective of guys who perceive “resting bitch face”.

I’m Projecting My Feelings Onto You Brain
You’re Out Of My League So I’m Going To Insult You Brain
I Have No Self-Awareness Brain
I Expect Something In Return For Behaving Like A Decent Human Being Brain
I’m Unaware Of This Male Privilege You Speak Of Brain
I Don’t Get Why You Aren’t Flattered By Attention From Strangers Brain
I’ll Decide Whether I’m Your Type Brain
I Was Raised By Coyotes Brain
I’ve Mistaken You For Someone Who Gives A Shit Brain


I was with this list until I got to:

Please Don’t Make Me Talk to The Trader Joe’s Checkout Person Face

Am I the only person who actually enjoys talking to cashiers, because I don’t think people in the service industry are beneath me?


My “neutral” expression is actually a bit frowny. My mouth just bends that way. It’s more frowny if I’m deep in thought. [quote=“LearnedCoward, post:16, topic:92245”]
Am I the only person who actually enjoys talking to cashiers, because I don’t think people in the service industry are beneath me?

This is a false equivalence. I don’t enjoy small talk irrespective of the perceived social status of the person making it.


I don’t think people in the service industry are beneath me.

I just don’t want to talk to anybody.


Beat me to it. Sometimes I don’t have the energy for human interaction.


Same. I get told to smile, and I hate it. Then, when someone says or does something funny, people tell me to stop grinning like an idiot, and I hate that even more.

Fair enough. I am very introverted myself. Most people aren’t, though. Besides, I was raised as a small-town Midwesterner to be superficially friendly. I have since learned the realities of urban solitude, but still interpret lack of superficial politeness in face-to-face interactions as a passive-aggressive insult, just because I was raised to think so.

Am I reading too much into that statement by thinking the specific mention of Trader Joe’s, as well as the specific mention of the checkout person, as blatant classism? The answer is probably yes, but whatever.