Amazon argues in court that "guaranteed delivery" doesn't really mean "guaranteed delivery"

Originally published at: Amazon Sued Over Breach of Guaranteed Delivery Promise


“When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean — neither more nor less.’

’The question is,’ said Alice, ‘whether you can make words mean so many different things.’

’The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty, ‘which is to be master — that’s all.”

And, in fairness, suing Amazon is much like going up against a capricious eggman in a position of power.


So, according to Amazon shelling out for a slot is really just shortening the odds, but you are still gambling.

(Aren’t there laws against gambling in some places?) /s


I had this happen to me ages ago with them. I paid extra to rush an item to me and it took about 2 weeks to get to me, i complained to Amazon about it and ask they did was shrug it off


Was it shipped by Amazon or a third party? Amazon is usually pretty good about refunding expedited shipping in most cases, as long as they actually shipped it. It’s clear that isn’t a universal fact though, or else this lawsuit wouldn’t exist!


Bezos is no Uncle Enzo.


The Deliverator’s car has enough potential energy packed into its batteries to fire a pound of bacon into the Asteroid Belt. Unlike a bimbo box or a Burb beater, the Deliverator’s car unloads that power through gaping, gleaming, polished sphincters. When the Deliverator puts the hammer down, shit happens. You want to talk contact patches? Your car’s tires have tiny contact patches, talk to the asphalt in four places the size of your tongue. The Deliverator’s car has big sticky tires with contact patches the size of a fat lady’s thighs. The Deliverator is in touch with the road, starts like a bad day, stops on a peseta.


It was so long ago I don’t remember to be fair

Anybody got a list of words that don’t mean what we think they mean? Unlimited, now guaranteed delivery, etc.


it might literally be easier to list the words that mean what they do mean.




I meant more in advertising use but @gatto has a point.


Then don’t offer a specific delivery time window. I accept that they simply cannot meet a window like that – there are far too many variables that are out of control of the drivers.

Not Prime then?

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Bad news for you… look at definition two:

Exactly. Of course not every delivery will hit the window. It’s about the statistics.

Definitely it’s a dick move to sell a guarantee but then not pay out. And who doesn’t already know what a dick Bezos is?

I mean, even that rocket he built . . .

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You know, I remember hearing the story about the development of one-click ordering at Amazon, and how when the developers first demoed it to Bezos, he rightfully got angry because it required two-clicks. He allegedly (I suspect now this story is bullshit, but whatever) made them change it so it really was just one click. If I were the plaintiff’s attorney, I would be pulling that story out and working it into the case somehow. Like…“Amazon has always made a big deal out of the fact that when they say something, they mean it. One-click ordering had to actually require only one click. Jeff Bezos has told this story repeatedly over the years to make the point that when Amazon says something, they mean exactly what they say. And here, they said you could pay extra for guaranteed delivery in a certain time range. But then they bury some language in the fine print that says ‘just kidding!’ No, Amazon means what they say. Consumers have relied on that reputation. And Amazon said they guaranteed delivery, and then they didn’t.”


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