Amazon patent could lead to downturn in workplace masturbation


#1

Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2018/02/02/amazon-patent-could-lead-to-do.html


#2

So is that really that much of a problem?
Have I been working at the wrong employers all this time?


#3

So what you’re saying is that they’re sacrificing their employees’ fulfillment for that of their orders.


#4

Yeah, Not cool Bezos!


#5

So, Amazon has some serious workplace issues that I think are covered, but I still think there’s some good being done here. Having a system that helps provide feedback like this in a workplace is probably a general net good. Having done warehouse work anything that helps with the constant scanning/etc probably is a fatigue reducer.

Edit: also, I can’t imagine that they would want employees wearing these into bathrooms/etc. Like most equipment like this already in use (scanners/etc), it probably would get taken off around water.


#6

The bracelets vibrate you say… ?


#7

Could it let the boss know that you were scrolling through Twitter while you had your morning glory… or doing other bathroom things?

No need to worry about that – the fulfillment centers confiscate employees’ smartphones when they come into work in the morning.


#8

There’s a trick Steve Bannon taught me that gets around this little “hand movement” problem. All I need is a locked toilet stall, a little time, and some mouthwash for afterwards.


#9

Hard to say. I can’t imagine, but then I’ve never worked in a warehouse.

Also, I suspect the wearables won’t bother these people one bit. If you’re already wanking it at work, with the possibility your coworkers find out, how this going to change?


#10

Yes, but this story does not have a happy ending.


#11

Maybe this app will prove Bezos’ member is up employee’s backsides…


#12

The thought had, of course, occurred to me when I first read of this in the news


#13

Why invest in robots when you can turn cheap employees into robots instead?


#14

(Link to original.)


#15

Backwards into the future.

Rather than humans wearing waldos on their hands to direct machines, it’s humans wearing brackets to let machines direct their hands.

I guess that’ll last while people are still cheaper than Atlas robots.


#16

Time to build up that ambidexterity unless they are going to force two bracelets, one per wrist. Well, no ankle bracelets yet at Amazon, so, Flexibility FTW!


#17

Anybody have the link for Manna?


#18

“I became part of this team, not because of the pay, not because of the pension, but frankly… the wanking”:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O2giBAfDOGw


#19

the bracelet would vibrate to indicate where to move their hands

…and the shock collar kicks in if their hands don’t move fast enough.


#20

Didn’t read the whole thing - where does it say they will have to wear these devices on BOTH wrists?