An app to track and shame friends who are late

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If you want to unfriend people, there are quicker ways…

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Pah! Back in my day, people couldn’t automate their passive-aggression.

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Who needs an app for that? My spouse did a great job of shaming me out of my habitual tardiness. I was horrible in that regard. I would sometimes keep people waiting for 20 minutes simply because I was too lazy to leave the house earlier.

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http://41.media.tumblr.com/20018e1a6536928073ff2d9f4c0850aa/tumblr_mg46hikN6t1roopbso1_1280.jpg

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Sounds like a good way to lose friends.

Shaming rarely works, and there many things that I can think of that make a person a “bad friend” before mere tardiness.

Like revealing embarrassing secrets told in confidence, or sleeping with one’s spouse.

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This can also make for very good friends, to be fair.

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Christ, what an asshole. If you know they’re going to be late, tell them it starts 30 minutes early.

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I think it’d be more useful for tracking my own lateness so that I could own up to it better.

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Feel free to explain that after I make a few clarifications:

  1. I’m not married, but I believe cheating is wrong. If you’re referring to polyamory, that’s very different than cheating, IMO.

  2. Personally, I have an ironclad rule when it comes to any prospective partners; if you’ve ever had sex with my best friend, my sister or my mom, you are automatically penis non grata, because YUCK.

  3. Lastly, if a “friend” sleeps with an SO of mine and I find out about it, then that’s two less people in my life.

(Trust is a rare & fragile commodity.)

Okay, go.

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You wasted 6 minutes and 10 seconds of my life over two occasions, Kristi. FUCK YOU, KRISTI!

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Whoa. I just. Whoa.

I’m a pretty busy guy- lots to do, not a lot of time to get it done, etc etc.
But minutes?
I mean, keeping a counter of the minutes (and seconds!) late that a person is late?
That’s A-level assholery.

What VC funded this mess? Who thought there was a market here? What’s the monetization plan?
Nevermind. I don’t care.

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Someone else’s spouse you meant. Sleeping with one’s spouse parses as the one you are actually married to.

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Clearly my quick jest has caused for more confusion than it was worth. It wasn’t my intention question anyone’s values around sexual relationships. My apologies.

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Right?

Talk about anal retentive.

Do I really need to write everything out as simply as possible to avoid attracting the attention of pedants?

Should I resort to over-explaining every comment I make, thereby becoming as tedious as they often are?

No harm, no foul; but an aptly placed ‘LOL’ goes a long way.

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I’m always the prompt friend, so all the other people drifting in whenever can often annoy me. I also can be pretty passive aggressive, but even so, I’m not gonna use this app.

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Do friends still get together in real life? I haven’t seen my friends in years.

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They do.

If for no other reason than to be sure they’ve not been replaced by chatbots.

Have your friends been trying to sell you on Russian dating or free-to-play gambling sites lately?

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Passive-agressive anal-retentive techno-nomadic poly-hypenation made perfect!

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