Seems like the thread for this:
20 Likes
Not to lecture you at a difficult time in life, but I really hope by ānot hereā in five yearsā time you mean ānot at that company or in that locationā rather than not alive.
Hang in there. Youāve made it this far and although it might not feel like it, youāll continue to make it.
16 Likes
My last post was rather cryptic, so allow me to explain in greater detail what is going on. I lead a team of seven (including myself) interpreters. All of the team members are much more experienced than I am as interpreters, since my background is in translation.
I keep making mistakes that have to do with the logistics of interpretation. Through lack of experience, I do not know to check what kinds of microphones meeting participants are using, much less whom to ask. And so we end up with multinational meetings over Zoom where the interpreters cannot hear anything. This is just one example. I know now, but I should have known then.
I also do not know how much authority I have to make decisions, so I will decide something only to have it questioned by team members and then overturned by higher ups. So I have to backtrack and I lose all credibility among team members.
One of my team members bluntly told me that she is very concerned with my leadership. She says that I am not competent to lead and feels that I am putting undue stress on team members who keep having to clean up my messes. She says that I am still making a lot of mistakes after nearly a year on the job, and that is not acceptable. She is thinking of taking the matter up with HR.
And really, I do hope that she takes the matter to HR. I hope that HR takes it seriously. Because she is right. I am still flailing about in this leadership role after nearly a year, stepping into messes that I donāt know to look out for. I am running decisions by the team member whom I trust most because I do not have faith in my own decision-making. This is a situation that requires HR intervention.
Maybe they will demote me and hire a new team leader, and then I can just focus on translation and interpretation (which I am actually good at). But I feel like there is already a lot of animosity toward me within the team (at the very least from the member who called me out), so I donāt know how viable that will be.
I should not have accepted a leadership position to begin with. Especially in an organization with six other members who actually know a lot more about the field of interpretation than I do. I thought that I could learn from them while getting my bearings, but the grace period for that has expired.
12 Likes
I donāt know if thisāll help, but here goes:
I spent most of my life as a PAYE peon, responsible only for my own mistakes.
Then in my mid-forties I became the manager of a local pub. Obviously there were no translation issues, but the pressure was intense when I was trying to run a team of twelve, mostly
young-uns, especially over a Sunday lunchtime, when the whole county would descend for their roast dinner.
I was an exceptional front-of-house - Iām a people person - but the rest of the management shite sent me into conniptions.
I lasted there for eight years, each year hating it more and more.
When we finally parted ways, I literally clicked my heels on the way out.
Then I spent a couple of years as a self-employed gardener - could not have been happier and wished Iād made that move years ago.
I guess my point, Jesse, is that I found my limitation in that job. I sat down with the owners of the business and put it to them, quite bluntly, that I wasnāt happy with the ridiculous pressure.
So maybe donāt wait for someone else to take their issue to HR.
Maybe do it yourself.
Maybe talk directly to your bosses and, if they value you at all, they will understand and fix you in a more suitable position.
I donāt know if that helps, but I wish you well for the future.
18 Likes
TBH one of the hardest parts of leadership I think is realizing oneās limitations and the propensity/triggers for exceeding them one way or another. Using that to prioritize and better understand both oneself and the different kinds of people one might be leading I guess is the ultimate goal of growing into a good leader. Personally, I gave up on that effort myself though and it worked out ok for me that way. 
Luck is the seed of gratitude right? Iāve had crazy swings of fortune such that I never fully feel relaxed and Iāve grinded mercilessly for seemingly fuck all before tooā¦ but itās only made me more sure Iāve been very lucky.
16 Likes
16 Likes
Gallows humor, but humor nonetheless.
12 Likes
ā¦ well isnāt this a week 
17 Likes
āAre you ok?ā
No, not really. Thanks.
Iāve ranted plenty in other topics, but fuck, what a past few days weeks months years pretty much everything from 2015 onward.
23 Likes
17 Likes
Not a great one, but certainly A weekā¦
10 Likes
Ok, things are not ok.
I know folks havenāt heard from me for a long while. Iām at Samās house, on her tablet because mineās always being janky with the internet. My computer is still down and wonāt be repaired until I can earn $100 for parts, but first I need to take care of the regular stuff like rent, internet connection, cellphone, etc.
I really could use some help/business right away. I have a lot of work to mail out, but I also have some paintings available for immediate purchase if anyoneās interested. A more complete picture over at my own thread, but I need to start a new one because mine shut down after 90 days away. Iāll call it Knoxbloxās Art Part 2.
Just a recap for those who have been wondering where Iāve beenā¦
December started off okay, but quickly went downhill when two things happened. First, I took some time to do some much needed maintenance on my Lenovo laptop only to find that Rubyās fine fur had clogged up the fans, and many plastic parts were being slow roasted along with the battery. Computer down, expensive specialty parts. Iām within $100 of finishing now. I can come back to BB regularly when I can get it fixed.
Second, my health got a major hit before Christmas when I caught a raging cold from my friendās grandkids here in TJ. It developed into walking pneumonia, and I was spending January primarily in bed, endlessly coughing. That was very painful. I missed many dates to get some artwork mailed out.
In January, the studio apartment downstairs became available, and I tried to move my things in one day, starting with the heaviest stuff. I bruised my ribs, so not finished and spent February in bed, also. Paying rent on two places.
Finally got moved in March, and of course I tweaked my back while bent over cleaning. When I was a kid, I thought those sitcoms where the person is stuck in a bent over position was exaggeration, but now I know itās true. More time in bed. It took a while, but itās fine now.
May onward, itās just been keeping my head above water. My walls have black mold, my window is permanently broken. It needs replacing ā I almost had the money to fix it, but other stuff popped up like the pregnant stray cat. Iāll post images over on the pets thread. There are too many cats here, and Iām looking for solutions for shelter or rehoming for two mother cats and their two boys. One pair is already spayed and neutered. The mamas are docile and sweet, and the boys are stinkinā cute, but theyāre absolutely destroying my budget and I need to pass the foster baton at the very least.
I have much more to say at my thread and the pets thread but the subject matter diverges, so Iāll have some posts up in a few.
19 Likes
UPDATE:
Working steadily, but Iām still behind. I need some more exposure. If anyone has an Instagram, one way to help even if you canāt buy would be to like, comment, and share at my Instagram page, ālazypossum1ā.
I need $200 TODAY, and another $200 by Tuesday. Whether by purchase, donation, word of mouth, or sharing on social media, any help is much appreciated.
New work on my thread, Knoxbloxās Art Part 2.
8 Likes
Iām a bit annoyed as Iām struggle with software at work (nothing I can change, either)ā¦ it does not want to show me students documents, which isnāt a problem now, but might be later in the semesterā¦
13 Likes
And things are just getting worse.
My dad had some fluid drained from his lungs a couple of months ago, and it turns out there were indications of cancer. After further testing and consultation, he cannot take targeted treatment and must take chemotherapy. Itās going to be a rough ride, since he is 87 this year.
I have not seen my dad or held him since 2008.
I have missed so many family funerals due to finances, and Iām feel itās imperative I go see my only living biological parent before itās too late.
If there is anything anyone thinks they can do to help me find some customers so I can earn some money to go see him, I would greatly appreciate it.
19 Likes
I waffled for days about posting here, but for this to work it needs to be shared far and wide and Iām not on any social media - BBBS is my only online presence, so here goes:
The shitty company I was working for suddenly shut down and left me with a whooping two weeks pay as severance. That was in June. Then in July, the day before she was supposed to start her new job, Pussycat fell off the hay stack and broke both her feet and one vertebrae.
She was in hospital for three weeks and I had to take care of the farm in her place. We have five horses and two dozen cats - she could do it way faster than I seem to be able to.
She had to have surgery, sheās going to be ok and sheās home now, but she canāt put any weight on either foot. Sheās stuck in a wheelchair that wonāt fit through the goddamn bathroom door. I have to help her from the bed to the wheelchair to a potty chair in the living room, help her sponge bathe, wash her hair for her. Sheās miserable. Iāve driven all over the state to buy used medical stuff from people, ramps and immobilizing boots, etc because itās all too expensive. Our crappy insurance wonāt even pay for the wheelchair weāre forced to rent.
I still havenāt landed a job, even though I apply for 8 to 10 a week, but if I did I donāt know how Iād be able to take care of Pussycat and the farm and also work a shift. Unemployment in this state is a joke - Iām drawing the maximum and getting food assistance and weāre still $2300 short a month to pay the mortgage, car payments, insurance, utilities etc. Thereās no more savings left and neither of have any family - and sheās going to be stuck in this wheelchair for months.
ā¦Aaaaand now the medical bills are arriving in the mail, and they are in the thousands. So Iām turning to that uniquely American form of socialized health care, a GoFundMe.
If anyone can help spread the word, Pussycat and I would greatly appreciate it. Weāve worked our whole lives to get this farm and to lose everything now because of stupid medical bills would beā¦ sadly common, I guess?
17 Likes
I donāt know the ins and outs but Farm Aid does have a hotline to help people make ends meet. It might be worth a check on farmaid.org.
13 Likes
Four days left in the moving meat grinder.
Nope, not okay, but the new place is ready. Four days. I can do this!
Today is the Magic Trick. (Iāll explain later, maybe.)
16 Likes
Iām not exactly feeling burnt out, but I think come December I will stop doing commissions for a while (maybe a long while) and take some time to think of a coherent idea for a portfolio. Iāve tried finding work outside of friends and acquaintances, but thereās been zero movement of the needle.
Of course, I will finish what I have already and probably accept any last minute requests, but once Thanksgiving arrives that will probably be my cutoff point.
16 Likes
