Are you okay?

general topics
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Thanks for this thread. I’ve slowly been reading through the comments as I have time. My heart really breaks for a lot of my fellow BB’ers. As many have said, this is the only online forum that feels enriching and a valuable forum, so in this moment of extreme stress, I’m not surprised that the best of us is represented here. It’s been a great help for me personally and I want you to know I admire and appreciate all of you. :heart:

Personally, we’re doing pretty well. I lost my job last week, but live in NY where we have reasonable leadership and a safety net (upstate and just far enough away from the city to be able to isolate safely). My wife’s non-profit has pivoted in a phenomenal way and is now wholly focused on community outreach and volunteerism. I watch the kids and make meals while she is on the phone and Zoom saving our community. And amazingly, since they have developed such an intense well of community goodwill over the years, the benefactors aren’t pulling out and leaving them stranded, so even though her pay will be reduced 40% (of which NY state will cover half), we will still be in a better financial position than most. Seriously, I can’t say enough about the good work she and the organization have been doing. Selfishly, that leaves me feeling a bit down on my own role in this, but as we settle into the rhythm of this I’m going to be volunteering more when time permits.

We’ve really overhauled the garden over the past few years, so it’s a delight watching her birthday bulbs come up, even if they’re a little early. Unfortunately, there is zero direct sun save for about 4 hours in the morning, so a proper veg garden is out of the question. Oh, and apparently one of my Parsley plants from last season is a perennial now, so that’s interesting.

Worried about family back home in Oklahoma and Missouri. Once this really hits they won’t have the leadership or resources to react properly. I try not to think about it too much.

Overall I feel pretty fine, but I think that’s more that I have a deeply cynical worldview that makes this all seem very inevitable. Somehow, that’s always given me a lot of hope; it’s hard to be disappointed when you expect so little of leaders and profiteers.

I’m deeply grateful to have everyone home and healthy. I am deeply grateful that my almost 3 yo’s memory of this time will be of spending time playing and making art with his older brother and sister. I am deeply grateful to have such a close community and local leadership that is absolutely crushing it right now. I am deeply grateful for Mo Willems. I am deeply grateful for the community here and @frauenfelder, @xeni, @doctorow, @beschizza, @Carla_Sinclair and everyone else for brining this joy into existence and to @orenwolf for keeping the whole thing running.

Thanks for starting this @anon61221983. It’s great to hear your voices (in my head).
:heart::orange_heart::yellow_heart::green_heart::blue_heart::purple_heart:

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Look at it this way, you are doing the invisible labor that is historically done by women, work that helps our society to function (house work, cooking, child rearing)! You are making your wife’s work at her non-profit possible. That’s making a real contribution by allowing your wife the ability to do what she’s doing.

Thanks for taking the time to share and thanks for all you’re doing for your community! Keep it up!!!

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Honesty, the classic “housewife” role has always been my dream job, so this situation is extra surreal. Add to that the kids schooling from home, but with credible educators as opposed to me and I’m not really sure I want to go all the way back to “normal”.

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Maybe you’ll find a new normal that works for the whole family after!

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107

I would like to hear from any self-employed people who have attempted to sign up for unemployment insurance payments in their home state, especially any artists or folks dependent on tourism or foot traffic for their livelihood.
From what many sources state, we should be able to sign up for benefit payments and receive $600 per week from the federal government, regardless of whether we qualify for state payments, through July 31st or until the quarantine efforts are behind us.
Have you successfully applied for benefit payments and will receive money from the federal government?
Tell us about your experience.

I have applied in California, but I am still waiting on news from the Employment Development Department.
ETA: I got anemail confirming my registration, but won’t know anything until the 12th, the date by which I should receive materials in the mail.

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Maine Coast. Still going to work 35 hours a week. The hotel is closed, but we need to keep the phone lines open, and there’s administrative and maintenance stuff to do.

All in all, I’m impressed with their handling of things. A few weeks ago, we started disinfecting all countertops, door handles, and other “touch areas” every couple hours; ended daily maid service, switched the bistro to takeout only, and a few other precautions. They made the decision to close a couple weeks ago after we had guests from NY and CT mention how they “just made it out before the lockdown”, and decided they just couldn’t keep the staff safe. They invested a couple grand into a new phone system and laptops so a few people could work from home, and staggered shifts so none of the half dozen or so of us still on site are ever in the same room.

As of two days ago, all hotels, campgrounds, B&Bs, etc. in Maine are closed. Restaurants are takeout or delivery only. Other businesses are closed or restricted.

So far I seem safe, but it’s getting to me. Going out for lunch or dinner, or down to the coffee shop, are the things I do to feel normal and a major component of my self care. “Isolating behavior” is one of my primary warning signs for spiraling depression, and it’s getting hard to tell how much is voluntary.

OH- And somebody killed my car. I’m fine, but the insurance just told me they’re totaling it and only paying my rental through Tuesday- So I need to go buy a car in the next 3 days, and wondering which states within driving distance consider car lots to be “essential services”.

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Today, I’m not ok. Early this morning, about 2am, in rain and strong winds, had to take the dog out. Returned home, took the lead off the dog, and took some rubbish out. I either didn’t shut the door properly or it was blown open by the wind and the dog followed me out. Saw her as I was turning to put the rubbish in the bin. Turned back and she was gone. Fuck. Quietly called for her for about half an hour then she re-appeared. Tried to catch her and she took off again. Thought I saw her disappear into the next house’s driveway but spent about 15 mins looking for and calling her. Then she appeared again and this time I coaxed her to follow me. Then she laid down, wanting her belly rubbed. I. Lost. My. Shit. Whisper-yelled ‘none of this bullshit’, grabbed her collar and dragged her halfway up the stairs to my place. I was bent over but could hear her little feet scrabbling on the ground. Got her inside, comforted and apologised to her, burst into tears. Haven’t really stopped crying since. Which made work from 10am to 3.30pm quite difficult.

Crying because:
*I could’ve crushed her windpipe or anything
*I’m a shit person who lashes out at people and animals when I’m terrified or angry, which isn’t fair or right
*for the babies I’ll never have
*for the children I’ll thankfully never have because I’d be a shit parent
*because much of the world is in lockdown and I have no idea what the future holds

I’ll be ok, but I’m not right now.

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None of that makes you a bad person. I’m certain she understands, on whatever pre-verbal level, the fear and therefore the love, in your reaction.

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The fact that you are concerned about all of that, is enough to know you’re a good person.

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You found the dog even when you were upset.
That counts for a lot.
:heart:

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Dude, if I found myself in your situation, I’d strongly consider buying the next car from a private seller on Craigslist. If you have a trusted mechanic to take a vehicle To for a once-over, you can get the deal of a lifetime. Good luck to you.

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114

FTFY. That’s all of us. We’re people. Stress builds up and we don’t even know it, and we lash out at those we love.

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Have you tried wearing gloves to bed after really slathering in moisturizer?

I’ve had alot more eczema this past year because of hand washing/ sanitizing while immunocompromised and I’m kicking myself for not getting appropriate gloves and trying it earlier. It’s been helping more than my prescription cream although I’m glad I still have the prescription for really gross flare ups.

I’m waiting for a couple more pairs in the mail since they get really gummy real quick and I’d like to switch them out more often between laundry loads.

It is annoying to have to do the whole reapplication if you have to get up to pee in the middle of the night.

Hoping you haven’t already tried it and had it fail.

Some people also just use socks but I like to read in bed and would have more trouble sleeping with socks on my hands.

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Bullshit.

Your level of reflection shows you got it in you to be a parent. Also, we grow with our tasks.

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Quick update: thank you all. Still crying but less frequently now. ‘Just’ leaking eyes and dripping tears every hour or so.

*The dog is fine. She may explode from my guilt-feeding of her, but she’s ok.
*She doesn’t even belong to me. She’s my sister’s, and a rescue. She was evidently beaten badly by a previous owner, and has lumpy bones as a result. Without knowing anything about the previous owner, we call that person ‘the bad man’. A lot of my heart-sickness comes from the way she lay down in a vulnerable position when she came back, and then I reacted the way I described. Like I imagine the bad man treated her.
*I confessed via group chat early yesterday morning to my sisters, including her owner (I have four sisters; three are in the group chat). They’ve said I’m being too hard on myself, that they’ve done the same collar-grab when she goes on one of her adventures, and to not cry. Which makes my eyes leak all over again :roll_eyes:
*A long overdue direct answer to @anon67050589: yes, correct! Ground floor, first floor, second floor etc. I live on the first floor
*I wanted to call my best friend and cry my heart out to her, but she’s got enough on her plate. So y’all copped it instead

Thanks again.

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This is exactly what this thread is for. We all need to unload sometime.

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Not gloves but I did put socks over my hands the other night. This has definitely helped some! (Also one thing that has exacerbated this is moving crap from work to home, and decabling and recabing. This is a surefire recipe for cuts and scrapes and that makes everything worse.)

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Whew yeah, hope it helps long term then.

Yeah, cuts and scrapes are worse, I’ve had to really avoid anything that my cut my skin too of course all last year.

As of the end of March that’s not an issue anymore, now I’m just keeping up with the same hygiene as everyone else in the pandemic. I’ve just switched back to a real razor from my annoying electric one. And I don’t have to waste so many disposable gloves on household cleaning, or use as much hand sanitizer between kitchen tasks.

Edit: oh yeah and I tend to bite my cuticles, so avoiding that as much as I could all year was pretty rough, had to always keep them painted, and filing and trimming was like defusing a bomb. “Don’t break the skin, don’t break the skin”

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Since now you know she craves being unleashed and fancy free, keep a bag of her favorite treats right near the door. If she dashes again, get that bag, walk out there and crinkle it and call out HEY WANT A TREAT? OH MAN YUMMMMMY TREATS RIGHT HERE (crinkle crinkle make a bunch of “treat noises”). It works when our dog bolts.

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That’s what this thread is here for, in these stressful times, as @anon59592690 said!

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