You know traditional “brass” instruments will get a pass under the assault weapon band…
But try that with a vuvuzela and see everyone freak out.
Are you kidding me, with all those tubas being stolen for banda gangs? And don’t get me started with operation Allegro and Vivace…
Turkeys shmurkeys! Join Vin Deisel in a new action-packed full-frontal aural massacre on the German military in Sergeant York II - Assault Trombone!
Had this been around, there’s no doubt Wagner would have written parts for it in his operas.
V2.0 needs the slide and an auxetophone-powered amplification stage 
OK, maybe it doesn’t shoot bullets, but it would still ruin the movie.
What? Too soon?
Don’t forget the Pyro Trombone!
A weapon to surpass metal gear.
I think I know what to do with the trombone in my closet.
o good, a reason to post this:
Thread needs some Francesca. 
I dunno. I guess you win something by shooting farts at your enemies. But likely not anything you want to bring home.
Assault Trombone…the Pyrobone… is the Trombhowitzer not the next logical step lest our gallant orchestras go out-calibered?
Trombones to the right of them,
Trombones to the left of them,
Trombones in front of them,
volley’d & thunder’d.
w/ apologies to Tennyson
Oh my. A fart blunderbuss!
if only Tchaikovsky would have thought of this before
Looks like the solution scales:
Are those anti-aircraft horns?
Play some Morrisey, that’ll bring em down!
They are indeed. 
