Badass Delvers of the Dragon: Round 1 – Cherry Gris

@gwwar I believe I may be of assistance here with the third step if you’ve got room for a third


That sounds excellent.

Nice to meet you, SssubTerryNeon (@Donald_Petersen) and Con Hổ Nguyen (@penguinchris). I’m Renli, a Steerswoman by trade. I like to know how things work, and so I ask a multitude of questions to figure that out. People like us Steerswomen, because we answer any question truthfully and give our knowledge freely. However, fail to answer any of my questions and I’ll simply ignore you the next time you need a question answered. Keep that in mind and I think we’ll work together beautifully.

Now, onto the business of us becoming Delver Detectives and finding an un-surveyed passage. This section of The Under looks like a natural cave. The walls are seeping and damp, and see that trickle along the floor? That might be part of a larger stream. It only seems fitting that we follow it to its source.

If this fails, perhaps we’ll need your eyes @Donald_Petersen.

@discbot roll 4d6 for Traveling Scholar (4)


@gwwar the 4d6 dice reads: 16 for Traveling Scholar (4) (5,5,2,4)


Exxcellent! Well rolled indeed, Sssteerssswoman!

I sssubmit, given our formidable ssstrengthsss, that we three ought take the Hard road, to maximize our mutual profit. Are we agreed?


Schim is suddenly startled and grabs onto the nearest object while curling into a fetal position. The nearest object had been the cart’s axle and he now looks exactly like the other wheel to trundle along the tunnel towards the Ridwhick Cavern Gates. The team loudly argues among themselves about the proper quantity to tip a barkeeper and the guards give a cursory glance over the empty interior of the cart while wondering themselves if two shektelx was the right amount to leave at the bar from last night’s festivities.

Into the dark tunnels they proceed. Avo does well for the first quarter mile, as the straight tunnels are easy for him to keep his bearings underground. However, two lefts, a right, a dead end and what appeared to be a small hill turned out to be a sleeping dirt snake. Wait, had it been two lefts? Maybe it was three. Avo had scrawled some notes, but they appear to have gotten smudged along the way. It was time to get some help from Schim.


Finalization of clichés for Red: (4) Monster Hunter (3) Erstwhile Naturalist (2) Taxing Taxidermist (3) Visitor from the Future

[Red busies himself with checking and rearranging items in his pack after listening to Schim’s proposal. Afterwards he notices that many of the other delvers have already made arrangements and frowns to himself.]

“Your terms are quite generous, Schim. Although you have not explained your benefactor’s need for this particular mushroom, I myself am quite interested in furthering my own understanding of this Glavin’s Majestic Cap. I will do my best to recover this particular specimen for you.”

[Red shoulders his pack and picks his way among the twisty maze of passageways, all alike. Yet somehow, they seem familiar to him…]

Aprop a Cap
Challenge 1: Navigate Ridwhick Caverns to a grotto (Difficulty 5)
Cliché: Visitor from the Future (3)
@discbot roll 3d6


@messana the 3d6 dice reads: 9 (2,3,4)

[After following Schim’s maps for long minutes, Red enters a moderately-sized grotto. The sound of water dripping from stalactites sets him on edge for reasons unknown. Torchlight reveals a cavern filled with mushrooms of unusual size. Savoring this moment of discovery, Red inhales deeply and smiles. Pulling a battered book from his pack, he begins to use his charcoals to sketch the tableau before him. After a long moment, he begins to pull the largest and most mature caps from their stalks, stacking them before him like cordwood.]

Aprop a Cap
Challenge 2: Harvest one Glavin’s Majestic Cap (Difficulty 5, each point you roll above 5 earns you one cap: e.g. Roll 6 for 1 cap, roll 10 for 5 caps).
Cliché: Erstwhile Naturalist (3)
@discbot roll 3d6


@messana the 3d6 dice reads: 11 (3,6,2)

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“Now what was it that Schim said? Size of a wagon wheel or greater? What sort of wagon are we talking about? After all, Mooseman wagons are somewhat larger than Human wagons. Human wagons are larger than Elf wagons. How large are Pangolin wagons? Bah! If only we could agree upon some preset standard, I’d have a better idea of which of these caps would be acceptable at the end of the day.”

[Red begins to stack and size the six caps set before him, as if playing a fungal Tower of Hanoi, comparing each of them to each other with a watchful eye.]

“As I recall, the Megascarabs of the Alkaline Flats had chitinous shells that were the size of the wheels on Mooseman baggage trains. Better that I return with clear contenders than debate the size of a wagon wheel with our benefactor. If I remember correctly…”

[Red selects the three largest of the Glavin Caps and bundles them in his net for transport back to the primitive elevator that Schim has provided. Even mere minutes after having been removed from their stems, the caps begin to release strange spores. The scent of seaweed and sarsaparilla fills the cavern as he drags the dying caps back to the lift.]

Aprop a Cap
Challenge 3: Transport Caps to your cart/vehicle (Difficulty 10, transport three caps)
Cliché: Monster Hunter (4)
@discbot roll 4d6


@messana the 4d6 dice reads: 13 (4,2,6,1)

[Emerging from the lift and dragging the caps behind him, Red realizes that the gate guards may be somewhat less inclined to let him pass than he’d initially anticipated. The spores swirling in the air make it difficult for him to think clearly. Glancing back over his shoulder, the rapidly drying caps look less like mushrooms and more like leather hides. Or are the spores causing him to hallucinate already?]

“Ahoy, lads! Returning from the caverns below with three Blunderlizard hides for the market. If you look closely, the shape and discoloration are perfectly consistent with juvenile Blunderlizard hides. Have you ever seen a mature Blunderlizard? Terrible thing to behold, really. Fought one myself back in aught six. Barely got out alive. See this scar? Took a tusk to the thigh when it charged. Put me out of work for weeks while I made a very painful recovery. Let that be a lesson to you!”

[Red leans in aggressively while telling this story, hoping that his size and stature will somehow impress the local militia.]

Aprop a Cap
Challenge 4: * Smuggle caps through inspections at Ridwhick Cavern Gates (Difficulty 11, three caps)
Cliché: Monster Hunter (4), checked with a handicap of -1 due to influence of spores
@discbot roll 4d6-1


@messana the 4d6-1 dice reads: 13 (6,3,1,4)

[Hustling his bounty past the inspection point, Red says a quiet prayer of thanks to Kivuli, the Goddess of Safe Journeys. He drags the three Glavin’s Majestic Caps to the private room at the Cherry Gris and awaits further instruction. Breathing a sigh of relief, he inadvertently inhales a large number of spores. As his higher faculties diminish due to Glavin’s Intoxication, he manages to scribble a few additional notes into the margins of his bone book.]

“Schhhhim? I gotta caps for ya, buddy. Gotta caps. Three of 'um. Caps. Yeah.”

[Red slumps to the ground as the spores overcome his faculties. In the moments before he passes out, he begins to understand why someone might be so interested in this particular mushroom. Will his notes be sufficiently detailed to remind him when he awakes? Only time will tell.]


Glavin’s Intoxication changes Red in a strange way…

During the next situation where Red cannot see due to lack of light, he discovers he now has dark-vision. In pitch black, assuming his vision is otherwise unimpaired (ie, not blindfolded), he can see as if it were lit by the full moon. If Red attempts to do anything in such an situation, he can do so with one additional dice.


Continuing the adventures of Steerswoman Renli (@gwwar), Con Hổ Nguyen (@penguinchris), and SsubTerryNeon with his faithful dino-mount, Stegma.

“I don’t think we’re gonna find nuthin’ useful in here, Boss. This here cave is too dark and damp.”

“It’sss sssupposed to be, Sssteg. Cavesss aren’t known for their sunny, open floorplans, and we want to find a sssource of water.”

“What fer? Your uric paste gettin’ a bit uncomfortably concentrated? I think I got some more of that special ointment here in m’saddlebag…”

Shut up, Ssstegma!

“Hey, Boss, lookit the bubbles in that puddle the Steerswoman’s hoverin’ at. Think that means something?”

“It meansss she was right. C’mon, you big lug. Now’s our turn to take point.”


“I dunno, Boss. Doesn’t seem all that deep yet. You sure this goes anywhere?”

“Jussst feel around with your toes. I’ll duck under and sssee if my goggles can help.”

“Hey, Boss, these bubbles sure do tickle… YEEOWGLUBGLUBGLBGLB!!

“Sssteg? SSSTEG!!!”

“Oh, if anything happensss to that oversized dipshit down here, his ma will never forgive me.”

Dim and tepid soon led to dark and frigid. By the imagined beam of his pseudofunctional headlight, SssubTerry spied the lazily swinging tail of the stegosaur, and grasped tightly the rearmost tail spike. The surprisingly svelte thyreophoran tugged his employer steadily down a lightless underwater tunnel, until SssubTerry thought his primitive lungs might burst.

And then they surfaced, followed closely by the female humans.

SssubTerry gasped, black spots circling before his augmented eyes.

“Chrissst on a carnosaur, Sssteg, you tryin’ to drown uss?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry, Boss. Fergot yer lungs are so puny.”

“Where the hell are we?”

“Hmm. Looksss peaceful enough.”


“Boss, you better drain your tympanic membranes. And look behind you.”

“Huh? Aw, c’mon, Sssteg. Don’t get ssstartled. It’s just a… worm or caterpillar or something crawlin’ on my goggles. Nothing to hop up on the coffee table over.”

“Wipe off those goggles, Boss. That caterpillar isn’t an inch-long worm on your shades. It’s a five-foot beast crawling on my dorsal scales.”

“Ew. That’sss disssgussting, Sssteg.”

“Get it offa me, wouldja?”

“I dunno, man. Too creepy for me. Can’t you jussst reach over your left shoulder and, like, flick it off?”

“There are several more swimming up behind you, Boss.”

“Ouch. Okay, thisss is getting embarrasssssing.”

“Hey there, Madam Sssteerssswoman… may I sssuggessst we… urrgghh… combine our dirty-fighting strengths? Wonder-Twin powersss… activate!!

High Difficulty - 13 to beat

Continuing the discussion from Coming Soon: Badass Delvers of the Dragon:

“Sssteg… lemme get into your ssstarboard sssaddlebag.”

“I finished off the last pouch of grape Big League Chew this afternoon, Boss.”

“Not… what… I’m… reaching… for.”

@gwwar shall add her Teamwork strategy below, and roll for both of us… that is, rolling my 4d6 for Goddamned Dirtyfighting Raider, and trying to add a six or two with her own cliche


“Wait, look up! I’ve heard tales about these cave worms…”

“…beautiful. And that worm in front of us must be it’s full-sized cousin. Do you think they’re attracted to light?”

Renli takes another glance at her torch, before smirking and reaching for something in her pack.

“Quick SssubTerryNeon (@Donald_Petersen) , try to circle around, while I distract it! I have an idea.”

“If this works, someone owes me a drink back in town.”

@discbot roll 4d6 for Goddamned Dirtyfighting Raider (4)

@discbot roll 3d6 for Dirty Fighter (3)


@gwwar the 4d6 dice reads: 13 for Goddamned Dirtyfighting Raider (4) (3,1,3,6)

@gwwar the 3d6 dice reads: 4 for Dirty Fighter (3) (1,1,2)

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“Well, here goes!”

“No! It went under!”

“…I’m all out of juice. SssubTerryNeon (@Donald_Petersen) Tell me what’s going on!”



“Mmmfffmm… (gulp)… (belch)… don’t worry about me.”

“That’sss covered in poison!!”

“Yeah… tastes like shit, Boss.”

“It’ll kill you!”

“Nope… prolly just make me puke, since I’m herbivorous. I think yer poison’s past its expiration date by a few hunnerd years.”

“These bugs jussst won’t ssstop coming!”

“But Boss, I sssee a trailhead jussst on shore over yonder…”

“We’ll never make it without a resssupply. We gotta head back and regroup. If only my poisons had ssslowed them down a bit more! If only Renli’s flamer fuel hadn’t leaked out in the underwater tunnel…”

“That was her? I thought you’d just lost control of yer cloaca. That was sssome foul-tassstin’ pollution, Boss.”

“The more highly-evolved creatures learn to swim with their mouths shut, Steg.”

“Learn sumpin’ new ever’ day.”

Renli’s Dirty Fighting reduced to (2), SssubTerryNeon’s Goddamned Dirty Fighting reduced to (3)


“I’m… I’m sorry I let ya down, Boss. I hope you can remember me fondly someday…”

“Oh, shut up, Dramasaurus Regina. One good ressstorative nap and we’ll be back in businesssss.”