Badass Dragon Scavengers of the Void - Round 2 - Swan Song

  > iotrap.glutnix: 0x05813821bbe6c069c5857f63efac5bf96a024bd0

“Roger that, glutnix - these orders have been submitted! You can overwrite these orders with a new submission.”

✖ pay 4 daneel
   [ERR] insufficient cash on hand (0). :(
✖ buy duct_tape
   [ERR] duct_tape does not appear to be in stock this round. :(
✔ mission 3

“Don’t you worry your pretty head one bit. I bet you come back in one piece just fine.”


Ugh! I could swear I removed the check against cash on hand for pay orders. And apparently I changed the name of the +HP item between testing and mission posting. This is now fixed after an earlier reversion to the wrong parsing branch.

Fear not - these orders have been filed as is and will execute correctly at mission time!

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yes, I gladly accept the returned favor.

Thanks.

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@Kassandra SUBMIT
BUY Lidar
BUY Duct_Tape
MISSION 1
END

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  > iotrap.bizmail_public: 0x41dd3fb75de0dd67634e4b0b3fd865f4d6372aa2

“Roger that, bizmail_public - these orders have been submitted! You can overwrite these orders with a new submission.”

✔ buy lidar
✔ buy duct_tape
✔ mission 1
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THANK YOU!!!

Be Safe Out There!
–Hans Landau

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The Black Swan, you say? Boy, who hasn’t heard those tales? I mean, even on Mars word got around to me about that ship. Horrifying tales of lost spacers showing up in dive bars and then disappearing with significant tabs. Space lizards going tailless, space moose having their antlers removed, just nasty, really nasty.

But hey, enough about that, who needs some helium 3?! I mean, how else are you going to start a FIRE? Asteroid 684M16 was difficult to land on and make it work, but the old suit worked like a charm and, just like in the movies, I flew like Iron Man. Maybe for a little longer than I should have, but what the hell, it’s space, aren’t we all here to make a little money, have a little funny, stop and eat some honey, sonny?

Yeah, you know what I’m saying. IRON MAN!


Our hero, looking like a hero while doing heroic things under heroic circumstances. Photo credit: Someone not our hero, but our hero could have done it.

But, without a significant cash infusion it looks like Eel Won’t Be Going That Way with my WHEELS OF STEEL. I mean, that would be a lot of harpoon guns, and I don’t want Tex Ass to think that I’m gunning for him and his stupid hat.

And, while I certainly enjoy a nice pop and lock (seriously, I’ll break it down, IT’S NASTY!), having been stranded due to colleagues I’m reluctant to have crew members from another ship cause me additional harm.

Bridges? Bridges? We don’t need no BRIDGES.

So that means the two Doctors are teaming up (What up Omicron! Who wants to be besties? You do, yes you do! You can be the Bruce Banner to my Tony Stark!) and getting our science on to see what’s unusually HOT STUFF

@Kassandra SUBMIT
BUY SuitPal_9000
BUY Duct_Tape
MISSION 4
END

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  > iotrap.steampunkbanana: 0xd8fe6811e11a9f2c6a298a610280d768648d9f1a

“Roger that, steampunkbanana - these orders have been submitted! You can overwrite these orders with a new submission.”

✔ buy suitpal_9000
✔ buy duct_tape
✔ mission 4

Those eels sound sooooo delicious, but with everyone going after them who knows if there’ll be any left! What to do, what to do.

First things first I need to patch up this suit, (especially where that sea lion licked a hole through it! Ugh, somebody get them a salt lick already…)

okay, let’s see… Yep, okay, carry the one, hmm, no that’s not going… scratch that, mhmm, send a few U to Mister Landau… okay, subtract here, right… Green button?Anybody? Is it the green button? Fuscia? No? Hello?right, never any darned help…

OK, well, never actually been on the bridge of a ship before, so…

@Kassandra SUBMIT
PAY 2 @bizmail_public
BUY Duct_Tape
BUY Booster_Jet
PAY 1 @bizmail_public
MISSION 3
END

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  > iotrap.critter: 0x266b160341bc8a528ca32ed773a29a3c79b254d7

“Roger that, critter - these orders have been submitted! You can overwrite these orders with a new submission.”

✔ pay 2 @bizmail_public
✔ buy duct_tape
✔ buy booster_jet
✔ pay 1 @bizmail_public   
✔ mission 3

Well, I don’t know about besties (I hardly know you at this point, you nutty Homo sapien), but I suppose we can give this a try, what with us both going out on the same mission. Who knows what’s going on in that derelict ship, right? So having company on a drive inspection might not be such a bad idea…

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Sounds like one FUNKY mission!

Good Luck!

Be Safe Out There!
–Hans Landau

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THANK YOU THANK YOU!

I think we’ll have plenty of tasty eels to snack on…

-Hans Landau

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Look, here’s what I know, at some point we’re going to be drifting over to this derelict ship through the dark, empty nothingness of space. I just want you to know that should we have to tether to each other for any reason or another, some of which I can’t even comprehend, I will not consider it a leash or any type of ownership over you, a sentient being in your own regard.

I have a number of improvised systems integrated into my suit that are quite helpful in survival situations, including a series of small lights to illuminate close spaces brightly, things like this may be of help as we join forces.

That said, who wants to be besties?!

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Hopefully not “'til we die.”

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There’s a rumor that some of my distant Terran cousins (many many times removed) were, shall we say, fond of restraints. Odd thing, that. Not to mention that whole spay/neuter bodymod subculture. What the ever-lovin’ hell… Never understood the appeal, but different strokes, right?

Well, let’s grab some grub and hammer out the details.

 

 
And know that if you ever suggest that we “go walkies”, you’ll get a taste of why I had to leave Canis Major.

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You know, this one time, on Mars I took my own fecal matter and created soil to allow conditions to be perfected to grow potatoes. It was a hell of a feat of botany and creativity which showed how much people are truly capable of when pushed to the limits. A real inspiring story of overcoming odds, exceeding expectations, carving out your space in the universe and declaring that you will not go quietly into that good night!

What I’m saying is that I’ve pretty much met my lifetime limit of picking up fecal matter one way or another. We are not and never will be going on any walkies. In fact, just so the rest of you know, I’m not going on walkies with any of you. Clean up your own messes.

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“Oh? Does that explain this stain in my suit? …OMICRON!”

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