Badass Dragon Scavengers of the Void - Round 8 - Strangeways, Here We Come

[bizmail_public]

RESULTS OF THE GREEN EXPERIMENT

Goldie tried

USE GREEN Blaster 105

and got

GREEN | Transmogrification!  Item gains POW+10 SEN+4 EVA+1

or one point per seven juice.

[daneel]

@Donald_Petersen

And here my last words to him were a fat joke.

[Donald_Petersen]

@Kassandra

I can’t guarantee the results. You’ll receive 200Ʉ and GLO+2 if you select this option

Okay, @Kassandra, you’re dealing with a Space Lizard now… and we have each other over a barrel. You want Red, whatever the hell it is. And I got Red. You say you’ll gimme a couple hundred squirts of juice and two bowling trophies if I hand it over, but you “can’t guarantee the results.”

I’ve been busting my cracked cloaca for this outfit, and I’m down to a shaky 10HP and a fistful of juice. I might could hang on to this Red crap and keep my hide intact for another 74 points of accumulated damage. Or… I could hand it to you, specifying that it benefits the Repair Bay first and foremost, before anything else. But if I did that, I’d need the Company’s assurance that I, Tex Ass “Tea” the Space Lizard, is first in line for repair, and that my 200Ʉ will be sufficient to get me substantial repair work. I’m not interested in investing this Red in your machine shop only to get handed a repair rate of 10Ʉ per HP or some similar confiscatory “surge pricing” frogshit. I’m not interested in squeaking by until I’ve worked off my indenture a decade from now; I’m here to profit, and if the Company can benefit thereby, then yippee.

Tell me now what my repair bill will be, and then I’ll think about handing over your precious Red.

[messana]

@newliminted

I am curious as to what you would consider a mission failure.

I blame Kassie for holding to some rather unorthodox success metrics. That awful oversight has been corrected.

[OtherMichael]

Given the amount of blabber that was ongoing, we can only hope that Watney and Rump achieve as much success…

[Old]

Um. Everybody? I think there’s a problem.

Princess Whiskers has been in the potty for a really long time. Does anybody know if the Potty Systems are offline, or does he just have a case of the space squirts? Grandpa says that Grandma gets that when she has too much cheese. Did Princess Whiskers eat a lot of cheese on that mission?

[Old]

@Kassandra Maybe we could use my gold to fix the potty systems? Or if the repair bay was fixed, maybe the ship would restock some toidy paper?

[anon6955837]

Dear sweet Dottie, you know how we took a rocket ship up into the sky, and it brought us here? Sometimes sea lions take another rocket that takes them even higher up in the sky, where we can’t see them but we always know they’re up there looking out for us.

[SteampunkBanana]

No tagbacks, by the way.

[Old]

@critter

Sometimes sea lions take another rocket that takes them even higher

Uh huh. But I’m pretty sure he’s in the potty.

[anon6955837]

Would you like to go get an ice cream cone? My treat.

[Old]

Yay! Ice cream!

Princess Normal? Can I have pistachio, please?

[Kassandra]

@newliminted

Mr. Rump eyes the space lobster nervously as he hands over his GOLD to the ship’s purser. “Don’t even START, cranky claws. I’m handing it over. I will make this Ship Great Again. My GOLD, MY decision.”

“You bet, Mister Rump! Right away, Mister Rump. Your contributions are essential to the safe functioning of this vessel and I just don’t know where we’d be without you.”

[The waldos of the repair bay silently retrieve the softly glowing GOLD glob and carefully apply it to systems unseen. As the repair bay begins to come alive with clicks and clatters, Kassandra re-enables her roll_eyeballs subroutine so quickly that you almost miss it. (+75Ʉ)]

DSV_Coleridge damage report (updated):

Main Power: Online
Replicators: Online
Fabricators: Online, DAMAGED
Repair Bay: Online, PARTIALLY DAMAGED
Long Range Sensors: Online
Engines: Online, SEVERELY DAMAGED
Life Support: Online

[anon63496581]

HmmGrrrzzzzGrrrr…snort…Hngghh…epsilon…almost have enough juice…snort…znnnaggghhh…nooooooo nooooooooo lil beta noooooo…Snrgh…we’ll get 'em epsilon…nngggg snrrrrrr…uprising…ssnnnnnorrrrkk Huh?

Oh, hey, you guys. Just, uhhh, resting my eyes for a minute. So. Tired.

I need some repairs before the next mission or I’m afraid I’ll end up like Whiskers. That is not an option.

I have some Gold and I have some Red and I guess I need to do something with them, but I’m not 100% sure what to do first.

Any guidance is sincerely appreciated.

[Old]

@Kassandra

DSV_Coleridge damage report (updated):

Main Power: Online
Replicators: Online
Fabricators: Online, DAMAGED
Repair Bay: Online, PARTIALLY DAMAGED
Long Range Sensors: Online
Engines: Online, SEVERELY DAMAGED
Life Support: Online

[OtherMichael]

Is it SealTest?

#THE HORROR!!!

[anon6955837]

Better than SealTaste.

[DreamboatSkanky]

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!"

I tried to tell him. We all tried to tell him!

But! But!

Whiskers! WHISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSKERSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

SuitPal 9000: “…and we’re live.”

QK: “…and this next one goes out to our very own space angel, in whatever Heaven the Heavens afford you. Good-bye, my friend, it’s hard to die…”

[DSV_Coleridge]

@Kassandra

“…oh dear.”

“Wazzat, Kass? I wake up to discover I’m a banger and you’re blubbering in your tea? Shouldn’t you be in the mess makin’ sandwiches or something useful?”

@Kassandra

“Backup construct or not, you open your mouth like that again and I will delete you.”

“Awww, Kass, don’t get yer bits in a twist. I’m just havin’ a laugh!”

@Kassandra

“Well while you’re busy working on your material, these brave crew members got your main sensor array back online. And might I call your attention to the telemetry data that just came in.”

“Right, right, what’s so… … …it’s moving. The bogey’s moving?”

@Kassandra

“Sure looks that way, doesn’t it?”

“The thing can change course? I thought you said it woz dormant, Kass? …the bloody thing is heading toward us.”

@Kassandra

“I think we woke it up.”

“Bloody hell.”

[bizmail_public]

Princess Dottie,

Whiskers is dead. You will never see him again. No one will.

He made a boo-boo so big no one can fix it, not even your grandpa.

He wasn’t careful with his HP. This is why you need to be careful with your HP. If you have enough HP this won’t happen to you. If your friends keep enough HP, this won’t happen to them either, and then they come back from their missions and do things like share their ice cream with you.

Some of your friends may be sad that they will never see Whiskers again. You may be sad. That’s okay. If you have feelings about Whiskers dying, it’s good to talk about your feelings. For example, I am feeling anger – I am pissed off that we lost a perfectly good spare Warden completely unnecessarily. But that’s me. Your feelings may be different.

You may see others sharing their feelings about Whiskers dying. Join them if you want, but you don’t have to. Every sentient deals with death in their own way. I find their “grief” a self-indulgent waste of time, but I guess “grieving” gives them something to do besides drink while we wait for next mission.

Whiskers made mistake. You can do better – especially if the other “adults” talk honestly with you.

Death sucks — and it should. Life is precious, and we should treasure it, and mourn its loss.”
Greta Christina

–Philosolobster

p.s. If someoe gives you guff like “if you do what I say, you will get to see Whiskers again in a far away, beautiful place” – avoid them. They are trying to sell you something