Badass Space Dragon - Duck's Pond

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Provisional Auditor’s Report

Greetings customers, board members, and stakeholders ,

The Community Fund stands well-capitalized. The legal framework while initially provisional, is also now on a solid footing. Thanks to the recent vote of 14 to 6 vote in the Territorial Assembly ( @patrace presiding), the old Community Bank has been re-organized as the Falkayn Memorial Community Fund. The deceased Capt. David Falkayn’s accounts are still valid within the CharybWire system thanks to the timely work of Nicholas Van Rijn. Mr Van Rijn has also retained my services to streamline the accounting.

Under the new articles of incorporation, all executive decisions, including but not limited to approving loans and extending invitations to new board members, resides with the current board members.

Capt. Natasha Fatale, Chair @davide405
Capt. Horatio Alger @Inqydesu
Capt. Watford Gap @daneel
Capt. Null Set “()” O’Connor @Demiurgus
Capt. Sorbet Wooster @PromptedInk
Capt. Lazlo ‘Scuttle’ Deepwalker @messana

From this time forward, funding will be handled though bizmail_public account. Capt Natasha Fatale is hereby relieved of her responsibilities as treasurer, as per her request.

The Fund’s affairs for this round are stated as if all transfers happened to and from the bizmail_account. While legally fictitious, this convenient fiction simplifies exposition

The Fund started the round with b46.9.

All loans were repaid on time and in full, with the obvious exception of Capt. Falkayn’s.

Capt. Browf Clamphoof b55
Capt. Newlireconstructed b55
Capt. Information b55.00
Capt. Rkt88 Edmo b60
Capt. Jacques Malchance [b22] 6
Capt. Savaric Tubertus bzz bzzz bzzz b4.7

Board Member Capt. Horatio Alger @Inqydesu contributed an additional b12.7 to the Fund, bringing the Fund balance to 311.3.

A testament to the strength of this community is that the Fund ended the round better capitalized than it started, despite the complete loss on the Falkayn loan (and Falkayn himself).

Duke Mardukas
Cyborg Professional Accountant
Principal, Endogenous Escrow

This interim report was prepared on a “best efforts” basis, pending further corrections or inputs.

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Falkayn Memorial Community Fund Approved Loans for Round 6

Starting Fund balance: b311.3.

Loans in the following amounts were approved by the board. As usual, the full principal plus an interest rate of 10% is due immediately upon mission completion.

Capt. Rkt88 Edmo @rkt88edmo b23
Capt. Mamma “Luckybeard” Aiuto @steampunkbanana b40
Capt. Quirky Kumquat@DreamboatSkanky b40
Capt. Newlireconstructed @newliminted b50

Current Fund Balance: 158.3

Duke Mardukas
Cyborg Professional Accountant
Principal, Endogenous Escrow

This interim report was prepared on a “best efforts” basis, pending further corrections or inputs.

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@davide405 Natasha, dollink, vat iz der problem schveethot?

Let us sits down and haf a leetle tok:

Now, didn’t Fearless Leater send us off into the spaces to bring His Gloriouz Mezzage to the unwashed sheeple? Vere ve or vere ve not charcht vit brinkink der Gloriouz Message of Communal Bruttersheep to dem? Ent vas nut your poseeshun as a Communal Leater nut part of theez Mezzage?

Ent you haf stept down?

Vat iz Fearless Leater goink to say aboot der mission? Vill eet be ein sugzess?

Dollink, come here, let us verk on ur planz like der olten days, ven spazes ver smaller and but ein moose vas der proplam.

#Deaths to Unizone!

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My gravitational taxes are due tomorrow and I keep getting the wrong number. Any chance you could swing by system 1040-FML and help me get the numbers cleared up?

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Did you include this one?

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Also, I think we need to check if everyone awarded a loan this round used it. The decision was late, and if they didn’t can we automatically take it back - or pay interest free?

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Endogenous Escrow strives for accuracy in all we do. We welcome all comments and potential corrections in our relentless pursuit of accounting perfection.

The records reviewed thus far indicate that Captain Zaphod Tiberius Skywalker @old has been active in the community lending process, but not with the Community Bank itself. However, additional information is welcome as the records used for the forensic accounting are known to be incomplete.

Endogenous Escrow does not typically prepare personal 1040-FMLs. Luckily there is an Andriod app for that.

If you seek to engage unreliable biological accounting assistance,

Caveat Emptor

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Sincerely Yours,

Duke Mardukas
Cyborg Professional Accountant
Principal, Endogenous Escrow

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mattress.jpg2448×3264 1.7 MB

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

…snort …money… banking… sknxxkx… unsecured loans… zzzzz… interest compounded… collateralized debt… snore… oh, hey baby… zzzzz… sssslide that forked tongue thissss way…

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz…

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Sonofabitch, sonofabitch, sonofabitch… only 48 more minutes to get this thing finished. Didn’t I drop out of school at 13 so I wouldn’t have to deal with pressure like this? SONOFABITCH!

HEY! TURN OFF THAT JUKE BOX! QUIET DOWN OVER THERE! I’m trying to finish this thing fer criminy sakes!

Does anybody know how much you can deduct for asteroid damage incurred on an unprofitable mission, if you haven’t fixed the damage in the year it occurred?

Duck…

Duck.

Duck!

Duuuuuuuuuuuuck!

DUCK! Dammit! Bring me another drink!

Yes! A rumchata.

No, two rumchatas.

Yes, yes, two rumchatas PLEASE!

Please Duck, may I have two rumchatas, please?

Thank you. Thank you, sir.

And Duck…? As my bartender… the best bartender ever… in all known space… uh… what was the question? Oh yeah, uh Duck, what would you suggest the depreciation rate is for a billiken purchased 3 months partway through the year, if it didn’t bring you any luck?

22 minutes left to get and Astral Stamp on this sumanubish!

Duck, what’s your favorite number?

42? Ok, that seems reasonable. 42 it is.

Pushes 42, clicks Astral Stamp. Hits SEND. Clicks YES. Clicks YES I’M REALLY SURE. Clicks YES, I’M REALLY SURE AND I ACKNOWLEDGE THAT FALSIFICATION OF SYSTEM TAXATION SCHEDULES CONSTITUTE FELONIOUS FRAUD WITHING THE MEANING OF ARTICLE 72-4-A-3xx4 OF THE TAX ACT OF 4013.

Round of rumchatas on me, Duck. Fill 'em up. Drink 'em down.

~passes out in chair and starts snorring in an embarassingly loud fasion~

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Mamma had been quietly nursing a warm rumchata for quite some time, knowing all his 'bits were more than spent. Upon seeing the events at the bar he wandered over.

“Duck, good to see yer. I do believe someone had mentioned a round of Rumchatas. Now, seeing as generally one buys a round for the entire bar, go ahead and set up, say, another ten right here next to me, as I’m sure someone else will be along soon and I wouldn’t want them to miss out on hospitality. 'S not gracious. And around here, we are gracious folk…”

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Did somebody say Rumchata?

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Oooooo, set one up for me!

Hey Joel, look, drinks!

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In preparations for the upcoming mission, Browf and Dakota swing by Ducks Bar to deposit the monocle in the lost and found.

Each grabbing one of Mamma’s gracious Rumchatas, they recline and sip them as best a moose can sip, while watching the latest supernova being televised from across the galaxy.

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Pre-recorded of course; no-one can afford that kind of pay-per-view around here.

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Crazy – that almost looks like part of the new Unizone logo.

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Or a circular avatar.

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That’s a stretch.

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Looks more like a Rorschach test to me…

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Where he asks you questions?

my eyes are up here. No, over there. Wait, they moved again.1920×1080 515 KB

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Well, that depends on how you see it.

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LSD or Psilocybin.

Then tell me there’s no global patterning.

galacticCore.png1459×730 1.58 MB

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Is that a for real your desk? Upload a hi-rez version so we can explore. Pleeeeez. There are things interesting to the eye.