Badass Space Dragon - Round 2 - Flapjacks

Maintaining the balance of interests is always subtle. The Galaxy is so full of possibilities that no one can anticipate all possible disturbances. But the incomprehensible variation of life teaches one clear lesson: self-interested cooperation is the basis of all success.

Flapjack Bill is one those disturbances. A disturbance ripe for the plucking.

None of use can do this alone. The stout Ironclad Cochrane and the The Iron Giant with it’s 24 FP Blasters, have already signed up. If enough agree, this will be the fastest take down since Nicholas Van Rijn and I thwarted the Shenn. Don Mondo will be pleased. More importantly, the bonds of trust and brother/sister/lizard/circuit-hood will build the foundation for greater things.

Let’s not lose sight of the glory, either. El Esk will be drawn to a fight like this, like the Tard-iss to Venusian Malt. You’ll be able to tell your grandchildren you saw the legend herself in action.

I just don’t know which side she’ll be on.


Starting Cash: 10,620
Mission 3 : 220
1 Deflecto Coating : 3,000
4 Hull Density Adjustments : 2,000
1 Encryption Upgrade : 5,200

'Cause I’m a cowboy. On a steel horse I ride. And I’m wanted. Dead or alive.

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Lord Fritz reporting: All hail the Supreme Intelligence. This is my report for the Archive Ministry. Despite Marvin’s misgiving, we managed to beat the odds and complete our first mission with no spoilage. I assigned every Red Shirt available to polish the oranges, reducing the chance for mold to take hold and ruin the cargo. In the future I - HOLY SHIT! PIRATES!!!.. … … Addendum: Despite my Navigational Officer’s assurance that this quadrant was safe, we managed to find the only hostile ship within 4 parsecs. I am not sure to attribute this to what the ugly bags of water refer to as luck, or if LT Fafhrd has been infected with mal-ware. I warned him about visiting those sites.

Ship - Grey Mouser: Starting cash - $15356
Hull Repair: $2800 - Strength through hull integrity, I always say.
Horseshoe: $1000 - While I don’t subscribe to these superstitions, I will admit it really ties the room together.
Encryption Upgrade: $5200 - For a Sneaky class ship, we really aren’t that stealthy. I imagine the datawork for it was lost by the Ship Building Consortium.
Night Courses: $3400 - I got a spacemail offering to increase my penis size while adding to my already massive knowledge of this ship. How could I say no?

Mission 1: $2000 - The Weapons officer is bemoaning the fact that he has barely got to shoot at anything since our launch. A happy crew is essential for a well running ship. I place all blame on what is about to happen on him. Next time we will let the cook decide on the mission.
Ending Cash: $956

If this is our last mission, please download my consciousness into a female form this time. I want free drinks at the bar.


As the old master said across the centuries, “luck happens to the well prepared.” Excellent Preparation, Rhaegar.

That is now three strong ships, and the day is young. A new day is dawning.

Had login problems yesterday, might be way others didn’t get in? Also, can’t open the link for the rules. :frowning:

I.M.V. Flatulent Deity requiressss a short visit to the shipyards; since the blockade run, our crew cabins have been venting more atmosphere than even the most flatulent god would deem prudent in polite ssssociety.

Alsssso, I note that I sssseem to have accumulated some extra Sssstarbucksss out of nowhere. By my lizardly calculation, I should be holding $10,630 instead of $10,930. Ssso I elect to contribute $330 to the Fund to Aid Recidivist Traders’ Kids Needing Other Children’s Cash to Evade Recidivism.

I’ll take 30 HP of Hull repair for $3,000. One Night Course for $3,400. (We Sssspace Lizards value education nearly as highly as our leathery hides and a well-turned-out ovipositor). Two (2) horseshoes, particularly if they come with half a horse. (It’s lunchtime on the Deity.) Two (2) buckets of algae, and the opportunity to join in on Mission #1. The prospect of horseblood has whetted my appetite for vengeance, and Flapjack Bill owes my ssssainted mother’s estate for sssservicess rendered dating back lo these twenty standard years. He liked 'em hefty and enthusiastic, and though I’m a patient lizard, it’s time for me to take Mom’s hide outta his hide.

Starting with $10,930 I’ll deduct $330 to the F.A.R.T.K.N.O.C.C.E.R. charity to correct my beginning balance.
HP: $3,000
Night Course: $3,400
Horseshoes (2): $2,000
Blue Algae (2): $200
Mission 1: $2,000
Balance remaining: $0.00


Lenar Belox swallows his lubricant tears and recalculates for unforeseen circumstances. Then reconsiders having used the word “lubricant”. IRRELEVANT!!!

11 Barrels of Algae - $1100
Deflecto Coating - $3000
Night Courses - $3400
Mission 5 - $2500
Total - $10000

Heute gehen wir “all in”.

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Ship Name - أبو الهول (Hobar)
Store - One High Power Laser Array, $6500; one layer Deflecto Coating, $3000; 2HP hull repairs, $200
Mission 3 = $200, shipping blow to the mining camps
Total = $9900

We plan to become the most favoritist ship in the Belt, the asteroid miner’s friend. A few dents in the hull add character! As usual, we’ll download the latest wanted lists before we head out, in case we meet up with a jacker with a well-deserved price on his head.

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  _____         __                  __  ___     _    __       
 / ___/__ ___  / /  ___ __ _____   /  |/  /__ _(_)__/ /__ ___ 
/ /__/ -_) _ \/ _ \/ -_) // (_-<  / /|_/ / _ `/ / _  / -_) _ \
\___/\__/ .__/_//_/\__/\_,_/___/ /_/  /_/\_,_/_/\_,_/\__/_//_/

> install nc_4.56

Installing NCript-O upgrade:

Preparing cypherFax...... done.
Preparing spoopherTec module..... done.
Preparing memhash....done 
Re-imaging MasterAI................done.

Encryption Upgrade $5200
Mission 5:         $2500
Total              $7900

Transferring.............Funds transfer complete.

Oops. Bank error. Dang that slippery crypto-currency. The correct amount is $10,300 and I’m sure Don Mondo will be sending someone to pick up the difference.

Oh, man. I was afraid this might happen. I’m going to have a talk with Scrapyard Pete about his business practices. He’s decent for a scrapper but I can see where he might have mixed up your order. You’ll be receiving a small credit for your inconvenience.

One of Don Mondo’s guys picked up the envelope, he appreciates your honesty. It has been noted.

I just wanted to state for the record, that if money is the object by which we measure success, I am currently “winning”. I most likely will never be near this spot again, so I just wanted to smoke a cigar before the eventual transformation back to star dust.


Sorry to hear it, what operating system / browser are you using? Have you tried another? I’m sure the BBS programmers would be interested in any bugs you find.

If you get the tech problems ironed out and want to hop on board, you’re still welcome.

Balls. Make it one density adjustment then.

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Hi Pete, I’ve dropped the Cobra II in bay 2, can you patch her hide, fix her all the way to new again. ($2400)

Glances at in-store video display

Is that JML Deflecto coating any good?

Yeah? Ok give us enough buckets of the stuff to coat the old girl. Might help keep the paint job from getting scratched. ($3000)

Looks at rotating display stand

What’re these? Air fresheners, like magic trees?

Oh. Lucky Horse Shoes. Go on then. I better take one. ($1000) What else you got?

Nah. I noticed you bumped the price on the HPLA. Yeah. I know could do with some more Pew Pew power, but I can’t afford it this month.

Yeah. I thought about going back to college, but I’m running this ship now, so give us one of those engineering night courses. I better keep up with what’s new. ($3400)

Hey. Are those Sand Fish? Maaan I love Sand Fish. Give us 15 of the little buggers. If I can’t sell them I’ll eat them myself. ($750)

OK here’s my card, charge everything. Do I get Nectar points?
Nah. I don’t need a bag. I brought my own, just pop the Horse shoe & Night course in there. I’m not paying you 5p for a plastic bag. Stow the tank of Sand Fish in the cargo bay.
How long is the work going to take?
OK I’ll see you tomorrow. I’m off to call The Don about a job.

Yeah. Thanks. It was OK I’m alive aren’t I.
Yeah. I saw the post on the BBS. What’s Wheat? Is that like Grain?
OK. I’m up for that. I’ve got space for brick, lumber, wool, and ore if needs be.
OK maybe next time. Wheat it is then.

(Mission 2 $500 in supplies)

By my maths that leaves me $35 I’ll probably just drink that.


We have the nearly perfect group to take down FlapJack Bill. We only need a couple more ships with the blaster upgrade to drop the risk for everyone dramatically and make for fat spoils for all. I invite several more to join the fun.

Flapjack Bill’s ship is all stealth and firepower. A coward’s ship. The strategy is obvious: Hit him hard before he can slip away or hit back. But we have to find him first.

The Muddlin’ Through made lots of friends delivering oranges. Scurvy sucks. People were overjoyed to see us, even if a few oranges were a bit moldy. Bill can’t go far without bumping into a friend. My upgraded my communications will help coordinate the search. The extra horseshoe probably won’t hurt, either. I’ll find him.

I love a good slugfest, but Azdel, that lovable 4.5 meter long Buddhist, won’t stand for it. Moreover, Chee Lan evolved from solitary ambush predators; fighting in a group is beneath her pride. We’ll be delivering wheat to needy yeoman during the festivities. Making more friends. When we get back

I am commissioning the TARD-iss for both the pre-game tailgater and the post-game victory party.

I ask the TARD-iss to immediately take a barrel of their favorite Venusian Malt to The Iron Giant and a case of the finest Chilean Wine, Sena 2001, to the Ironclad Cochrane. Their courage started this noble affair. Likewise, I’m buying the first 100 starbucks of booze for the after-action victory party aboard the TARD-iss .

If you don’t join the Mission #1 to take down Flapjack Bill, you’ll miss out on the best party this galaxy has ever seen.

5,200 Encryption
1,000 Horseshoe
3,000 Deflecto coating
3,400 Nightcourses
500 mission #2
150 Bar Tab for the TARD-iss
100 Gratuity for the TARD-iss crew ( please transfer to them directly)



Waitaminute… are you playing Catan?

Me? No. Don Mondo might be though. He’s paying me to ship this stuff called ‘Wheat’ which seems to be some stuff like grain.

By the way, Don Mondo doesn’t want Flapjack Bill taken down because that cowardly blowhard is any sort of real threat. The Kill Machine is far from the most menacing ship in that sector. Rather, Bill’s rapid rise is mostly due to an…. acquaintance.

Someone El-Esk remembers well.

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