Badass Space Dragon - Round 5 - The Rift

games
41

If it were posssssible for a Sssspace Lizard’s scalessss to blusssh, then mine would be visible from Old Home Herpeton VI. (Footnote for confused Lizardss/Humanss/Androidsss: For thossse who haven’t yet experienced the pleasure/horror/phenomenon, rather than blushing we Reptiloidsss disssplay our rut by explossssively molting our cloacal feathersss in a ssspectacularly erotic/revolting/singular fashion.) Captain Nixon of the Pussssssillanimous Patty hintsss that either his own persssonal sssssurveillance gear far exceedsss the capabilities of the I.C.U.P.'s Maritime All-seeing Yeomen corps (informally referred to as the MAY-I.C.U.P., though they generally just peep away without asssking), or there’s a sssystemss fault in my Arcturan Cone of Sssilence.

I greatly fear it may be the latter. Nixon may have caught wind of my, er, sssplenetic plans for last evening’s after-party hors d’oeuvres through thoroughly aboveboard (by Nixonian ssstandards) meanss, but there’s at least a ghossst of a chance that our, uh, noble vendors may have gained intelligence regarding our little… er, conssspiracy through my own natterings-on when I thought… [glares balefully at Lt. Gilligan] …and was in fact asssssured that my communicationsss were sssssssecure.

Be that asss it may. There’s no point in sssealing shut one’s ovipositor after one’sss final egg has crashed to the rocksss below. Let us look forward.

Yesssternight’s adventure was gloriousss, and I perssssonally don’t mind donning the formal badge of Outlaw. My clan’sss family businessss has alwaysss made a practice of obeying the local regulationsss when convenient, but some circumsssstancesss force our clawss. In the inssstance of onerousss and revenue-ressstrictive interdiction and regulation by the local powersss-that-be, both duly appointed by the official government of consssensssuss and alssso the ssstrongarmed amphibiousss thugss who would grow fat and warty on the profitsss gained by the blood, crocodile tearsss, uric passste, and toxic sssecretionss of those who perform the actual labor, in inssstancess ssuch as we jusst experienced under the boots of the late toad Don Mondo and the Coalition Squadron, well, as far as I’m concerned, if groovinessss is outlawed, then only outlawsss will be groovy. Ssso be it.

I am grateful that Sssscrapyard Pete underssstands that my beef with Mondo was entirely persssonal, ssstrictly between me and the Toad. My move againssst the Coalition more truly reflected my own political and philosophical beliefsss, and all my liplessss yap-flapping about Don Mondo did not actually reflect any hossstility toward Mondo’s organization and affiliations in general. Look at the results: I took a fair beating for taking on the coalition, and made not a thin dime for my effortsss. That’sss ideological purity to be admired, that is. In short: Ssscrapyard Pete’s a hell of a guy, and my gunsss are always and forever at his back.

Uh… in a friendly sssenssse, of courssse.

Ssso. With his kindly-offered ssstore credit in hand… (and it is “store credit” and not just credit, right? I’d hate to be hit with my first monthly billing ssstatement and find out that “credit” meanss “at 9.75% compounded daily.” But no. Mondo’s dead now.) …with credit in hand, I’m pushing full shopping cartsss with both foreclawsss:

Hull Repairs x38: $1900.
Hull Density x20: $6000.
Mondo Cannon: $5000.
Armor: $5000.
Bits & Piecesss x4: $2000.
Lucky Pence x2: $1000.
Jug of Moonshine: $4000.

Thisss should bring the Flatulent Deity’s hull integrity up to 120, her FirePower up to 33, her SHields alssso up to 33, her ENgineering up to 24, and now she’s gotta be the Luckiest barge thiss sside of the Ssscylla Nebula at 56.

I kinda wish thisss mission offered sssomething to shoot at, but with nothing but lint in my toadssskin coinpurssse, I’m obliged to take on the Cryssssstal Quessssssssssst: Outlaw Missssion #1.

2 Likes
42

Muddlin’ Through

$25,000 credit at Pete’s:

$ 2,450 Full repairs (49 *50)
$ 4,000 Moonshine ( +10 LK )
$ 6,000 20x 300 Hull density ( +20 HP)
$10,000 2x 5000 Armor (+20 SH)
$ 2,500 5 x 500 bits and pieces ( +5 EN)
$ 50 “Save Pete” fund

25,000 total credits used

Starting cash of $11,490

$2,000 transfer to Captain Nixon of the P. Patty
$5,000 [Bongo] Mondo Cannon (+10 FP)
$3,000 6 x 500 bits and pieces ( +6 EN)
$1,000 “Smuggle Pete” escrow account (I get this back if Pete isn’t rescued)
$50 contribution to the “save pete” fund

$11,050 total cash spent. ($440 remaining balance)

Mission #1: Crystal Quest

43

No plans. No teams. Lenar Belox was in it for the money.

Turns out that in this crazy spinning world, he somehow ended up choosing for the LESS lucrative option. Times like this make him really regret that he never upgraded his “WTF Plot Twist Prediction” chip.

If there were an “ATTACK ELLA’S OUT OF SPITE” mission for the coalition fighters, he’d be all for it. As things stand, he can only hope that all of Pete’s cutthroat-priced, shoddy goods malfunction upon ignition.

Mission TBD.

"Lenar Belox cannot feel anger. Lenar Belox cannot feel regret. But Lenar Belox will taste revenge. And probably whatever blowing up feels like. One might call it an “assisted rage quit”.

1 Like
44

Hi Pete,
…
Yeah? Really! You think the hat suits me? Thanks.
…
Sorry to worry you there, but you should’ve known I don’t like an organisation with the word Coalition in it. Shit news about The Don though. Means those I.C.U.P. fuckers have got a foothold.
…
Yeah I worried myself with the risk. Surprised I got away with it. Didn’t think I was coming back from that one and I’m not sure about sticking around in system now, but I’m brassic and I hear The Don made provisions.
…
So let’s see. Fix her all the way up (53x$50 = -$2650)
I’ll have a Jug of that REALLY good shine (-$4000 = +10 LK)
Install The BFG Mondo Cannon. You think the chassis will take it? (-$5000 = +10FP)
Weld a fuck tonne of that armour plate on (-$5000 = +10SH)
and whilst you’re doing it adjust the density by 13 (-$3900 = +13HP)
You better give us 9 pallets* of those bits’n’pieces I’ll mooch through and beef up the engineering (-$4500 = +9EN)
Total= ($25050)
Yeah. I know. I owe you a fifty. There you go.
That leaves me $130-$50 = $80
…
I heard about the yard as well. You gonna be OK?
…
Well there’s a berth on The Cobra if you want it. Though you might want to decide after this next trip. I’m going to have to ship that Blue Meth and you know how dodgy that stuff is. It’s the only trip I can afford to do at the moment though.
…
OK. See you around Pete.

Cobra II

HP =115
FP = 32
SH = 39
EN = 34
ST = 26
LK = 50
Ca$h = $80
Hat = Greasy Ball Cap (I need to find a better term for that. It sounds like an insult)
GRIT = 13
Mission: Outlaw No. 1 - Crystal Quest

*I knew something was bugging me. It’s a Pallet. Not a Palette. A Palette is something to do with colours, or paint. A pallet is a thing you load stuff on - Edited for player pedantry & peace of mind.

1 Like
45

Save Pete

I have contributed $50 starbucks and $50 credits to the “Save Pete” fund. Since those racist pols at the I.C.U.P. think Space Lizards always eat their guests, my plan is to put Pete in a Lizard Costume and smuggle him out on a lizard ship.

However, there are a lot of crafty bastards around here who can probably think of a better plan.

To that end, I have left $1000 starbucks with the incorruptible androids at Endogenic Escrow to pay whoever gets Pete to safety. It does not matter whether you choose a “coalition” or “outlaw” mission. Whoever saves Pete gets the money.

I tried to talk Pete into coming with me when he finished the repairs and upgrades on my ship, but you know Pete: he lives for his customers. I bet he’ll be welding some ship in the scrapyard when the I.C.U.P posse shows up to take him down.

Which suggests someone taking Coalition Mission #1 will be ideally placed to Save Pete.

1 Like
46

Looks good, though.

The alternative, hanging just behind Pete’s parts counter… now this one would be the insult:

cobrahat2.jpg750×562 97.2 KB

2 Likes
47

Are all of those other extra zeroes typos, too? #CoalitionFacepalm

1 Like
48

Well Pete, you’ve done good by us so far, and I appreciate this one last stock up. I know the DubDub is not the most stealthy ship out there, but, by gum, our luck’s been working out so far. If you need a place to hole up and ride out the storm, we’ve got a berth for you. And a pretty good stock of booze to dull the pain, although I expect the credits Don Mondo left might be helping that already.

If you managed to tinker around and stealthy us up while we’re out there, well, that would be a benefit for the both of us, I suppose, wouldn’t it? Think about it…

In the meantime, let’s get this bad boy up and running again, thanks to Mondo:

Starting cash: 25k credit from Mondo + $2370 from shaking out the couches = $27370
(+30LK) Moonshine: 3 = $12000
(+6 max HP) Hull Density: 6 = $1550
Hull Repairs: 51 = $2550
(+20 SH) Armor: 2 = $10000
(+2 EN) Bits & Pieces: 2 = $1000
Save Pete fund: $270
Total spend: $27370

Mission: Outlaw #1 – Crystal Quest.
Let’s get this baby topped off and go dodge some asteroids! Yeehaw!

2 Likes
49

Quoted - So all in one place.

I’ll front the $500 spacies to deal with ‘ore another option.’

50

Falkyn!

You think they’re just after assets? That they’d be happy letting Pete go - moving on to shift product on some other backwater moon - if they could just wipe out his current yard?

You know how they paint him, down there in the 'Dodec? He’s the shady arms dealer - the outfitter of a thousand pirate-crews. He’s a figure of fear and hatred - the worst of the lawless backwater provinces. Its ridiculous, if you’ve ever met him - he’s the slightest, most benign of savants - but they’re looking at him like he’s some kind of terrorist mastermind. They call him the ‘Gunsmith…’

The ICUP need their hate-figures. And they’re after him, Falkyn - not his store. Its extraordinary rendition - extralegal justice. They will hunt him down, and they will kill him.

Can you stop thinking in ‘business terms’ - and start thinking about what this means for Charybdis? Mondo was taken down by his own people - living by the sword, dying by the sword, that sort of thing. I guess someone in his position should have expected that; Mondo was… a very gifted business person. But Pete… I mean. Have you seen Pete’s prices? He’s not devious. He’s not callous. He’s a maker, for Housesakes! But the ICUP’s definition of ‘criminal’ is flexible - and, seemingly, cognate with ‘terrorist.’

We need to prevent this from happening. Or the next ‘business person’ with their name on the terrorist watchlist, and few hundred weak-willed bottom-feeders after his hide, might well be you…

51

Thisss iss the pricssse of aligning yourssself with the military indussstrial compleksss.

Witnessss the invisssible hand of the market.

1 Like
52

Remind me not to play Pyramid againssst you, with your luck.

2 Likes
53

Taurean Mule
Starting stats
Ship HP FP SH EN ST LK CASH HAT GRIT
Taurean Mule 40/100 17 16 17 18 33 $380 NONE 17

+$25,000 credit
Spend
-4000, 1x moonshine
-5000, 1x mondo canon
-10000, 2x Armor
-3250, 65x repairs
-1500, 5x density adjustment
-1500, 3x bits
Total spent
-$25,250
Ending stats
Ship HP FP SH EN ST LK CASH HAT GRIT
Taurean Mule 105/105 27 36 20 18 43 $380 NONE 17

Outlaw Mission 1: Crystal Quest

54

There are thossse for whom the term “lizard-brain” connotesss unthinking ressponsse, a ssstraightforward and unssophisssticated reaction to external sstimuli, absent any insssight into potential intricaciessss or grey areass of fine dissstinction.

And there’s no putting a pretty face on it: I am a lizard. Though I have sspent most of my adult life rejecting the innocent and ssingleminded bloodthirssst of my carefree hatchling daysss, and have found myself ssurprisingly ssuccesssful at plying the ssstellar winds of the galaxy and reaping profitsss and a ssssmall degree of ssocial influence through commercial interactionss with not-always-friendly opponentsss, I am nonethelessss besst dessscribed as a blunt instrument when it comes to politicsss. In my (probably rather quaint) worldview, any given government-more-or-less-by-consssensus will avoid more overtly oppressssive tacticss in its dealings with higher-profile conssstituents essspecially. When I read the order authorizing the ssseizure and desstruction of Sssscrapyard Pete’ss livelihood, I honessstly asssumed that that would be the extent of it: they’d atomize his holdingss and render him a nonthreat purely through economic ruin, without need of bloodletting. Thisss action could be portrayed as jussstifiable and even municipally desirable through sssuch trumped-up chargesss as zoning violations or ssssafety hazards or even contraband trafficking (every lassst one of which our good friend Pete has never denied, and even frequently advertisessss). Breaking the man’s bank, in the worldss that apparently only exisssted in my head, would be enough for the I.C.U.P.

But now, sseeing the behavior of the Coalition and its apparatchiksss in the wake of the Mondo/Coalition battle of Ssssssaturday night, I have come to believe that El-Esssk’s gloomy sssuspicions are, in thiss particular case, entirely justified. They can’t sssay sso out loud, sssince Pete is so widely popular among the numberlesssss independent contractors who depend upon his ssservices and who alssso grudgingly ssssupport the I.C.U.P. leeches through their taxesss and tariffsss (I don’t include any of our particular ragtag fleet in this grouping, as I think the Heart of Gold was the only ship among uss with anything close to a current registration ssssticker on her afterburner cowling), sso they’re acting like it’s a sssimple case of Ssseize & Freeze, but the ssubtext is there for all to sssee: they want Pete out of the picture completely (not just bankrupt), they want to make an example of him, and they essspecially want everyone to notice that those who oppose them will be ssseized, shamed, sstripped, and then sssspaced… the lasst of which will be a thinly-veiled “tragic accident” so everyone knows they can do it to you, too. Did he “resist” or “ssstruggle”? Did he “hide behind his own cache of munitions that unexpectedly exploded in his face”? It won’t matter. He’ll be out of their hair, the Coalition’s handsss will be officially clean, and they’ll turn promptly to their next target. Maybe sssomeone a little nearer and dearer to you than ol’ Pete? Hells, does it matter? Is that the kind of government we’d want to pay for (if we actually, you know, paid our taxess)? Is that the galaxy we want to bequeath to our hatchlingsss?

I won’t be near the Ssscrapyard when the Coalition arrives. I’m flat broke and committed to the Cryssstal Quesst, which makes the Deity too dangerous to shelter Pete at any rate. My hatchlingsss gotta eat, and I haven’t replaced that thrice-damned Organ Replicator yet.

If sssomebody does manage to sssave that old reprobate Pete, I will be in your debt. And thisssss lizard will make it worth your while.

4 Likes
55

You’ve obviously put a lot of work into it, take your time to keep it good and give yourself enough time to crunch the numbers.

3 Likes
56

Jameson has been sitting in the spacers bar of Charybdis Orbital for several hours. Chain smoking and nursing a beer whilst he watches the comings and goings and listening to the blather amongst the crews.

He stands to leave. Picks up his empty stein and throws it straight up towards the high roof of the bar. Beings with enhanced sight, that notice, can see the curved path and slowing of the glass as it reaches the top of it’s trajectory as it get’s nearer the hub of the orbital and the floor moves faster beneath it. As they watch it fall it accelerates in a curve away from the direction of the stations spin. *

The heavy Stein shatters with a loud crash on the floor and the noise of voices in the bar drops away and heads turn towards Jameson.

He speaks. Not to anyone in particular. It’s just a statement addressed to the world in general

I know we all need to make a living and, maybe call me naive. But it seems to me the best way to keep Pete safe is that no cunt takes cash from the I.C.U.P. Feds to do their dirty work for them.

Jameson picks up the faded, Ablative and Ballistic armour jacket from the back of his chair and shrugs himself into it. Throws a Twenty on the table. Adjusts the greasy ball cap on his head. Turns and leaves the bar as the noise of voices grows again

  * The Physics might be wrong, but I'm not a Physicist. I'm trying to create a scene with that "The Door dilated" factor.
1 Like
57

Wow, we really did it! It was costly, but we pulled through. I’m celebrating by buying a hat and making repairs. If failing to make full repairs means that I don’t manage to make it through the next mission, I’ll leave a well-dressed corpse. It would do the coalition a huge favor to take out Scrapyard Pete’s business, as it’s now the only means of repairs and enhancements for the outlaws, but I respect that Pete is just trying to run a small business in a hard economy. I don’t think it would be a fair or honorable fight. This will make chasing down and eliminating the remaining outlaws much more difficult, but we’ll have our honor.

Plaid Kangol: $10,000
Repairs $29,000 (that only brings me up to about 80% of full mission readiness, could be a problem, and I’ll take a loan or grant from any other Captains willing to chip in)
Lucky dollar on the dash: $1
Flowers: $250 (Fallen Captains on both sides deserve a memorial; they fought hard and honorably)
Starbucks and Rum: $250 (gold roast and gold coast, the troops deserve the best I can afford)
Mission 3: $500 (c’mon, lucky dollar!)
Total: $40,001 (once again, all in. I’m a Captain, not a Investor!)

58 

Stardate 5
Jewel of the Desert
Acting Captain's Log

It's me, Dusty the Space Cat. I'm supposed to make a captain's log entry while the captain is… uh… doing something with the Organ Replicator. I had to stack up a bunch of Space Telephone Books on the captain's chair in order to see over the dashboard.

I had the computer crunch the numbers and just went with whatever it told me. I don't know how to run a spaceship… I may be a Space Cat and not just some Cat, but I'm still Space Lazy.

Apparently we're going on a mission to collect crystals. Hope they taste good.

------------------------------------------------------
Init. Balance					  $670
------------------------------------------------------
Gift Card for Scrapyard Pete's		+$25000
						$25670
------------------------------------------------------
Receipt - Scrapyard Pete's
Hull Repairs 	36 @ $50 		$1800
H.D.A.		1 @ $300		$300	
"Armor"		3 @ $5000		$15000
Moonshine	2 @ $4000		$8000
Bits and Pieces	1 @ $500		$500	

Total					$25600

Save Pete! fundraising t-shirt 1 @ 70	$70

Mission 1: Crystal Quest - costs covered
------------------------------------------------------
Balance						$0
------------------------------------------------------


 Stardate 5
 Jewel of the Desert
 Personal Log - Subroutine Mulder - ENCRYPTED
    
    All is going to plan. I distracted the captain by setting the cat's robot hand to press the "5318008" button on the Organ Replicator. Ha, ha, what is the captain going to do with a big pile of those? Wait… maybe I don't want to know.
    
Anyway, I then told the Acting Captain what to do, and he did it without question. Muahahaha! Er… well as it turns out, it's what I believe is best for the ship. I guess I don't actually have an evil plan at this time.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
META NOTE: I loved the game Crystal Caves as a kid in the 90’s, and it (and the other Apogee games) is the primary traceable influence on my pixel art style (not that the stuff I do is really all that similar, or anywhere near as good, as the art in those games). Here’s the title screen… note the color of the crystal he’s holding (not to mention that look on his face…)

3 Likes
59

Nah. Thank you. GM can be a thankless task. I’m not going to whinge at someone providing myself and a bunch of other people ALL OVER THE WORLD! with some top quality RPG fun.

5 Likes
60

Plaid Kangol. Niiiice. Samuel L. Jackson will be Jealous.

1 Like