Bible stops bullets

Seduced from its proper target by wickedness…


Steve Jobs, silly.


unfortunately for him, it was rather, his spine that ultimately stopped it… Now if he was able to miraculously walk again one day…

OH, don’t forget an incredibly long speech folded up in the pocket also stops bullets!


True story: I had a can of cherry soda that temporarily slowed the claws of a bear. But I suppose that doesn’t count.

I know, but "ass " is funnier; I was using poetic license. Work with me, people!

Sorry, sorry… didn’t mean to derail the joke…


That’s right. God came down from Heaven and stopped those motherfucking bullets.

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How has no one posted this yet?


…And the Lord moved Ricky Wagoner with the spirit of mightly kick-assouity and saw that it was good

Short meditation on the limits of relying on a pocket bible for protection:

Waiting impatiently for story to commence.

No one’s quite sure if it’s socially acceptable to find what he’s said/written funny, or, by extension, to present that humor.

Then it’s time to pray to Larry Flynt’s ass… No wait. Just… Googled… A picture… Of… Larry Flynt…

(hurrrreeeeellllcccccchhh!) [the sound of vomiting in one’s own mouth]

I’m going to pick a nicer ass to pray to…

Pockets DO make all of mans best inventions, better. Well said!

Fire is good. Fire you can carry in your pocket is super useful
Knowledge and communication are good. The internet on a videophone in your pocket is amazing
Money has proven useful. Money in your pocket feels pretty great!
Bread is awesome. Pita bread, enough said.

I once lay awake in my tent listening to a bear rip apart several beer cans that my friends had (stupidly, drunkenly) left lying on the ground outside MY tent. Had my little knife all ready to cut myself out the other side of the tent if he decided to check out the big weird shape. Worst sleep of my life that night.

Considering the sub-text about asses on this thread, the fact that pita also means pain-in-the-ass made me chuckle.

+1 for realizing that such a tiny blade had a potentially life-saving usage.

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