Bizarre, paranoid warning about imaginary predators choosing victims through bumper-sticker-ology


I have some good news about ‘stranger danger’.

I have some very, very bad news about where bumper stickers, of all things, rank on the list of 'handy ways to obtain all sorts of neat information about the most vulnerable moments of you and your family.


The owner of this vehicle has a son who likes to pee on things!


Alternative reading:

Dad’s job involves training to shoot and kill people
Mom is a gardener, leaves tools, hoses as midnight tripping hazards
Oldest child plays varsity football, bench presses Freshmen for fun
Baby disturbed by the slightest noise at night
Small yappy dog is a pooping alarm system


Not that I think that there is a real danger from these stickers, but what exactly is the point of them? Why do you want to tell total strangers about your family? I understand stickers supporting political candidates, because presumably the idea is that you might encourage others to vote for your choice, but what are people supposed to do wit hthe information that your child plays football or is on the honor roll?


The sky is falling, and leaving some with head injuries.


Come and get us:


“Parking pass-Tells where you work or live”

So to be completely safe you should park on the street. Sure, you’ll have to run outside every forty-five minutes to feed the meter, but think of how much danger you’ll be avoiding!


Wait, I thought those stickers indicated how many people the driver had run over.


In case they’re single, or infertile, you get to show them what real family happiness looks like!

Also, I can’t read the fine print - does RACE stand for React Anxiously: Children Endangered?


I think I’m safe.


I saw that someone had posted this on their FB feed, started off my reply with “Paranoid delusions”, and then proceeded to make points similar to what Old did. The poster took offense to my reply, for some reason.


Just throw this tidbit in the box marked “Things to Be Alarmed About When I Find the Time”. I’d ask that you put it in the drawer, but it’s full.

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They can tell where you work from your parking pass! Or y’know… by following your car for a while.

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Mixed feelings on this. On one hand it’s stupid paranoia, on the other, I like the idea of encouraging people to put fewer stickers on their car.

Especially those dumb stick figures.


The particular case is dumb, but getting people to think about what kind of information they’re leaking to social engineering ploys isn’t the worst thing.


I always assumed that this was a form of showing off or bragging, not dissimilar from putting a Harvard sticker on your Mercedes while wearing designer sunglasses. The difference being that the bragging is about family and relationships rather than education or wealth.


Shh! Let the squares freak out, it might actually stop that stupid fad.

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Did you point out that, even if you remove all the stickers, all the bad guys can get the same information by looking in through those big panes of glass in the car? Or get even more detailed information by simply looking at the gobs of personal info posted on FB?

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A strange way to format a poem.

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