Was going to say the same thing. The whole point of a “bug-out” anything is that it’s deliberately essential and easy to grab with one hand as you’re running out the door.
This is more of a “roll my stuff over to someone else’s basement because my mom kicked me out” cabinet.
Bottled water for 15 dollars will cover 90% of your disaster needs… throw in a flash light, a fire extinguisher, first aid kit and some peanuts and you are at 99%. But if I wanted to spend thousands on toying around with survival gear, I would go for something that includes a Geiger counter…
Complete first sentence of the blurb for the “briefcase” edition:
Wolfram knows that starting the process to improve your personal safety paradigm can be a daunting.
Anyone whose paradigm would cause them to give $750 to a company who writes a sentence of such sheer ugliness that cuts off like that should have their.
He and the crumpets can eat the muffins while they wait out the emergency, using the bell attached to his apron strings to warn of anyone coming down their alley.
It’s a better joke if you know that Crumpet is an old slang term for woman, especially a sexy or sexually available one 
But you can use it at home when disaster has broken all your cups and plates and stuff.
Really. And, gee, a hundred whole feet. I carry 30 feet of paracord on my wrist, woven as a bracelet. There’s several hundred feet of several types of ropes in my trunk. As previously stated, this item lives at the intersection of Stupid and Survivalism, right next to the Doomsday Preppers. . .
Oh if only that had a 12 pack of towells, they would be with us today…
Mine is bigger (insert witticisms here).
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