Burglar betrayed by his own poo

Originally published at: http://boingboing.net/2017/08/10/burglar-betrayed-by-his-own-po.html

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When ya gotta go, ya gotta go.

Better advice: don’t be a burglar.

If you can’t do that, don’t chase your meth with a burrito.


In the old days people would have just flushed it, but now that everyone has seen NCIS and CSI: Miami they think twice about any kind of evidence, even shit.

Of course that cuts both ways. If I were his lawyer I’d argue that he didn’t leave it there, that someone planted his turd there to implicate him.


Bad boys, bad boys
What’cha gonna do?
What’cha gonna do when you gotta go poo?


This is going down on your permanent record.


Nothing worse than a turncoat turd.
"Because he stopped to take a crap,
He could not miss,
The burglary rap."
His turd turned out to be a “stool” pigeon.


Sounds like this burglar has some pretty shitty luck


I suppose it could have been worse: Police following the roll of toilet paper caught in his underwear.



He was charged with excreting at the scene of a crime.

He was charged with feces in the second degree.


This is a job for CSI (crime shit investigation).


Talk about illegal dumping


That’s great and all. And I hope the homeowner gets their shit (ha ha) back but there’s a backlog of tens of thousands of untested rape kits in the USA … I think this one DNA test should have been put on the back burner in favour of one of those.


I take it this implies that the burglar didn’t flush after using the toilet.
This alone warrants maximum penalty.

If Thousand Oaks, CA (or more likely Ventura County) has a backlog of forensic tests of any kind for any violent crimes… then you have a real point. One that should be hammered home. Problem is, dead stacked, untested rape kits in Louisiana don’t get tested on the taxpayers of Ventura County’s dime. And so they sit, until someone has a little down time at whatever private lab the Parish contracted to do their forensics.

It’s been more than thirty years since I ran toxicology tests at a private lab that had service contracts with Coroners’ offices in half the Parishes in south Louisiana. We would work up the tox reports on the dead during down times, between pulses of rush samples from hospitals and doctors offices. Things have, I hope, changed greatly since then, even in Louisiana. But, recording and detailing events from the past will always give way in the face of “stat” tests from medical caregivers. Unless personnel are specifically contracted to clear backlogs of evidential, forensic tests, they’ll take a back seat in competition with either genuine need for timeliness or… fatter, prioritized contracts.

Taxpayer funded public labs might help with this. A crime lab dedicated to keeping up with the forensics needs of a State/County/municipality might be the best way to eliminate backlogs. Private outside labs could then be used exclusively for control testing of random check samples, to keep the crime lab honest. It would reduce the amount of taxpayer dollars available for graft however, so it’s not a well loved idea.


Well, better than on the living-room carpet, which I understand is a common modus operandi for this sort of thing.

TURD-BURGLAR’S LAWYER: “While we concede my client’s poo may have been found at the scene of the crime, I contend that the prosecution has yet to prove that he is the one who left it there.


Something smells funny about this story.

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He was charged with B&E

Breaking and Evacuating.