Ours just snuggles up such that we can’t roll over or get overheated and wake up. The long departed one would talk in his sleep which made sense for the amount of let me tell you about my day we would get from him on getting home from work so him nattering away at his dreamworld was unsuprising.
My wife just gives me a shove when I do this. Maybe the cat deserves the same?
That is apparently what I do, in my sleep: shove a cat off the bed without compunction. I think that’s why the cats sleep on The Dude’s side of the bed. The crazy part is that I wouldn’t do it while awake, but apparently I am ruthless in my sleep. It’s probably good that I don’t have kids, for that exact reason.
My wife is the opposite. I will wake up at whatever am and notice the cat happily perched on her tummy/neck/between her legs snoozing away and grab kitty and then she almost immediately rolls over. I will then stuff the cat under the covers with us where he is happy, warm, and generally not in our way. He used to do that by default but wont now for whatever reason.
He won’t sleep ON me for the reason he gets kicked off and the one sound that wakes me up right away is hairball noise to which the cat gets an very quick toss off the bed.
Awfully cute, but FWIW many years ago we had a little cat that did the same thing. Snored loud as hell. During a checkup at the vet she identified a nasal polyp in the kitty sinus. She pulled out a lobe the size of a grape and that cat was like a brand new cat. Came home and walked around the house smelling everything - like he was seeing in color for the first time.
The problem with letting cats sleep on the bed is that then start to feel entitled to do things like use the sofa as a litterbox. After many years, I was finally able to convince my GF that the animals are much much happier to be treated as animals and not anthropomorphic furry babies. Maybe I didn’t so much convince as to point out that when she did this the cats would slowly go insane.
kept hearing it as wet farts, couldn’t stop laughing.
That’s not a cat - it’s a bull in a cat suit.
My roommate’s cat snores exactly like this. She has woken me up before. He also snores. I’m pretty sure they are in competition with one another. Thankfully the cat is cute and sweet, and the roommate cooks. 
Uh, no, cats should not just willy nilly use the sofa as a litter box just because you allow them to sleep on the bed. That’s a different sort of problem.
Also, we domesticated pets. That’s why they are pets. They are animals but they are also pets and therefore we treat them differently than we do other animals. Not particularly unusual.
I’m honestly not sure what you mean by insinuating that allowing pets to be pets means they go insane?
OK, let’s split the difference - people that drive their kids insane shouldn’t have pets either.
Jesus, that’s a hell of an anecdote.
Makes me a little worried what my Snorealupaguss might have up there.
If you’re letting the cat control the situation, then you deserve what you get. Toss the cat into the hall, and close the door. Remember, cats don’t love you. They tolerate you because you supply food. When you die, they will eat your eyeballs.
Have you never loved someone so much you want to eat their eyeballs?
This is my life. My husband is cat crazy, so of course we have three - the two that came with me and the one I got him for his first Christmas. The problem is, I am a cat magnet. Cats adore me. Anywhere I sit, a cat sits on me. And when it’s time for bed, there’s one on my pillow, one on my side (the biggest cat, of course), and one at my feet. It’s adorable, until I want to turn over or get up to pee. I used to have the cats trained to stay out at night, but since it makes him so happy, they all sleep on the bed, or really, on my side of the bed. He sleeps like a baby. Oh yeah, and sometimes the cats snore but not super loud, just cute snoring. The big cat has a beautiful purr; I have considered marketing a pillow that has his recorded purr on a 30 min loop.
We allow the cat to sleep on top of us precisely because it’s preferable to the noise/damage of the cat trying to claw her way through the bedroom door/carpet (or the kitchen’s; we tried that).
But you’re quite right: I have no illusions that the cat actually gives a damn about us, beyond as tin-opener operators and sources of radiant heat.
I’m still not sure what you mean by “insane”. If cats are animals, how can you describe them as insane? They aren’t humans so how is “insane” an apt way to describe them? You’re not even being consistent!
If I am gone too long, my cat starts to get really upset. Even though he likes my roommate a lot and often sleeps or cuddles with him, my cat gets noticeably anxious and upset if I’m gone for a while, especially over night. He will stay in my (his) room and pace and howl. He apparently does it every time I’m gone overnight. Eventually he’ll calm down when my roommate goes in and pets him but my cat certainly knows I’m gone and gets clearly upset about it.
My cat will often also sit on the top of the couch, looking through the big front window, and watches me walk up the driveway, and then he comes and meets me at the door.
My cat is a weird one, though. He’s super into humans, and not so much other cats.
My cats have always had the run of the house, exploring and/or sleeping pretty much anywhere, as long as it is not dangerous. That is the way cats and other animals, including humans, are happiest. Every singe one of the many cats that I’ve had through the years has used the litter box, instinctively and exclusively.
If a cat suddenly forgets where to do it’s business, it may be a medical or mental issue.
