Chastity belts were a joke, then a metaphor, then a hoax


Originally published at:


I have some fern seeds around here, I’m glad I kept the receipt!


This is what historians do best! I’m looking forward to reading this!


With the versatility of modern plastics, we can put this right!

Someone get a Kickstarter up and by this time next year the headline for this post can read:

Chastity belts were a joke, then a metaphor, then a hoax, and then a thing. Available now at Wal-mart, protect her virtue for just 19.99


Call a locksmith!

Call a locksmith!


In the 14th century, wouldn’t selling invisibility rings lead land you in an auto-da-fe in a hurry?


Only if they could find you.


They’re already a thing, they just stock at more selective retail outlets than wal-mart. Apparently they come in his and her versions. Google knows all and cares not if you are at work.


But the codpieces were the real deal…


I’m pretty sure I remember this scene from Blackadder…


We must give Mel Brooks his due.


Next you’ll tell me that choke pears weren’t real either.

What? Darn.


Only if the giant burning eye catches you.

What my bad joke was referencing.


would you believe i wore a codpiece to my wedding?


You hang out with us. What’s not to believe?



There was a theory about codpieces that linked them to syphilis.


So Niagara Falls was not your bride’s greatest disappointment?


In all seriousness, I’d always wondered the practicalities of chastity belts. Indeed, how did one make them functional for your normal biological comings and goings, but prevent shenanigans.

Good to see that none of the unlikely (and icky) scenarios I came up with were really actually relevant.


more selective retail outlets than wal-mart.