Originally published at: https://boingboing.net/2024/04/02/collapsed-bridge-is-gods-warning-to-make-sure-trump-becomes-president-says-beloved-maga-prophet.html
…
8 Likes
19 Likes
The Lord works in mysterious ways, and his signs never spell things out for you. But fortunately they always mean what you wanted anyway.
27 Likes
The Dear Leader’s MAGA* syntax is now mandatory for true loyalists.
*Make America Garbled Again
16 Likes
Wallnau may not out-scumbag Falwell’s placing the blame for 9/11 on the Invisible Bearded Sky Man’s™ wrath against NYC “heathens”, but make no mistake: he is one of the more dangerous and influential Dominionist/New Apostolic Reformation “prophets” pushing the Seven Mountains Xtianist agenda.
12 Likes
See, I thought it was symbolic of the collapsing pillars of democracy if we reelect a professed dictator.
25 Likes
Did this ghoul explain why God felt it necessary to kill six people to make his point, rather than doing something unequivocally supernatural and harmless like he was doing every five minutes with burning bushes and stopping the Sun in the Old Testament?
7 Likes
I guess Gilead is a possible future, of sorts.
5 Likes
Man, Lance Wallnau’s god is an asshole (at best!)
12 Likes
If a bridge collapsing under Biden’s presidency is a sign that God is displeased, what about the literal global plague that occurred under Trump’s presidency?
20 Likes
But wait, didn’t the MAGA cult say Biden caused the bridge collapse? If that’s true, it means Biden is…
I had no idea how far up the conspiracy goes
6 Likes
3 Likes
GOD: “I’ve decided to send a message to my creation. To Americans, specifically.”
ANGEL: “What is this message, Lord?”
GOD: “That I want them to re-elect a noted philanderer, adjudicated fraudster and all-around dirtbag as president of their nation. Don’t worry, I have my reasons.”
ANGEL: “Of course, Lord. And how will you do that? Write it in letters of fire across the sky? Transmit it on all their television channels simultaneously?”
GOD: “No, I thought I’d just ram a boat into a bridge.”
ANGEL: …
GOD: …
ANGEL: “Uh … isn’t there a possibility that they might not interpret this sign correctly?”
GOD: “You think it’s not sufficiently clear?”
ANGEL: “As a statement, it is a little ambiguous, Lord.”
GOD: “Hmmm. Good point. OK, I’ll ask another greedy charlatan to explain it to them. That should get the message across to everyone who needs to hear it.”
20 Likes
Maybe someone could explain display signs and hacking to God? (I mean, he has all the cheat codes, so no biggy.)
9 Likes
I’m afraid I would need more than just reasons from God, given they are supposedly planning to destroy the world and take everyone’s souls.
4 Likes
I like imagining a world where all the conspiracy theories happen at once. God wanted to send a message so he put an image of a broken bridge in an Obama documentary, gathered a Ukrainian Captain, multiple foreign hackers, and some explosives. If you thought planning a book club was hard, imagine pulling all that off.
6 Likes
As a heist movie, it would be worth watching for the planning montage alone.
“OK, Gabriel, you’ll go into the engine room through the air vent and cut off the fuel supply. Michael and Raphael, you two plant the explosives on the bridge. Azariel, you’re in charge of the river – we need the current flowing just right. Now, Metatron, you’re on documentation duty …”
11 Likes
