Geez, I’ve been doing this all day. Maybe we’ve all been together too long, and now we’re starting to think alike?
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Absolutely. I’m still the nerdy gamer I was at 20, but I don’t talk about that so much to new people. I have lots of other stuff I can talk about, and if I find they want to discuss nerdy gaming, I can do that, too.
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Sounds like just kinder gentler way of saying change yourself.
When it comes to republicans, I’m talking about the Republican base. Seriously, I wish more leftists would actually talk to Republicans. Another meme that was floating around right after the election was that people on the left needed to have a conversation to find middle ground with those on the right and that the left needed to stop demonizing the right.
I think the people who were saying that never spoke with many real republicans. Republicans are every bit as retarded as the left says they are if not more so.
Imma stop before I right 2000 words about all the ways republicans are ass-backwards as fuck. Trust me, go talk to a few sometime and you’ll be amazed.
“To the ego, the present moment hardly exists. Only past and future are considered important. This total reversal of the truth accounts for the fact that in the ego mode, the mind is so dysfunctional. It is always concerned with keeping the past alive, because without it-who are you?”
-E Tolle
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This may not be your intent, but statements like that carry a strong “fake geek girl” vibe. A woman could write a 500 page dissertation on why she likes a thing but because it wasn’t 501 and she missed a tiny detail about an alternate universe, she’s “faking it”. Women get this a LOT, sometimes to the point where it’s not that they can’t talk about their interests but that they don’t want to, because they’re sick of being told that their interest isn’t real. This also fits with your observations that women over 50 will discuss these things: they don’t give as many fucks about some kid’s approval or getting along.
Again, I am not saying that is your intent, but sometimes what comes across isn’t the message we mean to send. And if that’s the message women are getting from you – even if they are misreading due to the influence of a million guys before – then, there is a large likihood that they are not going to share.
People here aren’t necessarily saying “change yourself”, more just to be aware of yourself and your implicit biases and assumptions. Then at least you have the choice to decide if and what to change. Change doesn’t have to be big. You called it a game, so lets go with the sports analogy. The smallest tweak in how a player takes a shot can drastically influence the outcome of that shot. The tension or relaxation of a single muscle might be the difference between a score and a miss. Furthermore, some of the most amazing plays happen when it doesn’t matter. When there’s no pressure to bring on a choke.
So maybe don’t lower your standards for relationships, but look at the expectations and pressures you’re putting on yourself at any moment. It takes time to learn how to relax (I know, I suck at it) but give yourself time. Don’t think of every encounter as a “must win”. And again, look at the messages you might accidentally be sending. Especially when you say it’s a game… That could easily be interpreted that you think the woman is the prize. Again, maybe not your intent (going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say it’s not) but it’s another thing women get way too much of that gets old fast. It’s a predator warning of sorts.
TL;DR version: it’s the old “it’s not what you say but how you say it”. But it’s the best I got.
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Well, yeah. Sounds like it to me, too. But ain’t that the point of living? Live, learn, grow, change, evolve?*
So how’s your current self working out? All good?
*Lather, Rinse Repeat.
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Nah, slow your roll. I mean basic film literacy. Like knowing what some tropes are, or three act structure, exposition, framing, folly, character arc, pacing, or Alfred Hitchcock or having seen Casablanca. All that stuff.
And once again, I’m not saying there aren’t lots of women who are that into movies, just that I’VE never seen a young one.
People seem to be missing the parts where I say this is my personal experience and not a judgment on a whole gender.
My life is outstanding except for my love life.
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Do you think you need to change anything?
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I like myself and I think trying to change my personality (which is what would be required) would make me unhappy, be very hard, have limited success and probably not last in the long term.
OK then.
Best advice I can offer is to simply make your peace with your current situation. Plenty of people live their whole life free from romantic relationships. Embrace that and enjoy it. 
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Make like Camus and embrace the absurd aye.
I’d only add to @M_M’s comment that romantic relationships (as @enso himself attests above) can happen just living your life and socially pursuing your interests and/or causes. Some people find love, others just stumble upon it. Nothing wrong with either approach.
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And you seemed to miss what I was saying, right there. It’s not about what you think you are saying, but the message that is being picked up. That “just my personal experience” line has been used as a deflection for toxic attitudes for so long that it alone sets off alarm bells. I never said you were making those generalisations. I said that women have heard them enough from other men to have learned to be wary. You’re different? Fine. But someone who doesn’t know you doesn’t know that. So that’s not what they see in those words.
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You might want to consider the fact that this is a very large site, with many thousands of regular readers, so telling us to do something as if we’ve just fallen off the turnip truck isn’t going to work very well. We’ve had many discussions on this very topic, for example, and very recently too.
Also: don’t use a term that describes people with a mental impairment as a general slur.
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We have exceptionally different personal experiences. I wasn’t taught Chekovs gun, or Play it again Sam, or all the tropes in Lawrence of Arabia, or Hitchcock framing, or coppalas use of drama by school or men. Framing the problem as, " I’m not saying there aren’t lots of women who are that into movies" is an extremely marginalizing way to address your conversation.
Doesn’t mean it’s wrong. However that kind of negative narrative–hey, talking about movies 
–is exceptionally toxic.
Perhaps take a step, and contextualize how you would prefer to interact in a romantic fashion in the mode of say, Casablanca.
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Some people find love, others just stumble upon it.
And pour out a glass for the people like me. There’s more of us than you might think.
@MalevolentPixy
There aren’t many other ways of saying “in my experience”. Inferring sinister meaning behind a basic phrase like that is unfair, a bad way to have a conversation and makes you look like you’re making a game to see how fast you can capture the moral high ground.
Personally I like taking peoples words at face value.
" I’m not saying there aren’t lots of women who are that into movies" is an extremely marginalizing way to address your conversation.
Well that seems to be what I have to do. This whole thread I’ve been very careful to say that these are instances from just my own limited experience. But I guess I was being too vague since everyone seems to have read sweeping generalizations into my past posts.
Maybe I was bit snarky but being told over and over again that honest recountings of my experiences are sexist is pretty toxic. Like I’m a bad person if I don’t pretend I’ve met people I haven’t.
And If I ever start trying to act like Humphrey Bogart irl I hope someone will hit me firmly over the head with something heavy.
Then don’t remarks about “all women under 50…”
And how old are you? How long have you been dating? Frankly, maybe “your experience” is shit?
What if it was true? Would it still be toxic or would you, maybe, reflect on how it could possibly be true? Stop a moment and think about it. The things you’ve said, some of it, do seem pretty sexist. Sorry if you find that offensive and annoying but people are calling you on what they see.
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People unwilling and uninterested in change who make generalized statements about the other gender but are unhappy with their lack of dating? Ok.
Dude, either you need to change how you do things and maybe how you approach the world and women or you need to resign yourself to your current situation. The only other possibility is that you get randomly lucky and meet the right person.
You seem to be expending a lot of energy on this thread pushing back against the advice people are giving you, usually advice that actually comes from our lives with many of us being a couple of decades older with marriage and dating experience under our belt.
BTW, saying “retarded” is offensive. People don’t use that word anymore unless they’re the kind of people that also make racial slurs. I have friends who have kids with Down’s and this comes up a lot.
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