N-n-n-n-necro!
Granted. You find your life so saturated with layers of symbolism an meaning, even ordering a pizza becomes a discourse on the meaning on being and existence as you slowly expire from malnutrition.
https://bbs.boingboing.net/t/fuck-christmas/90794/158?u=m_m
Granted. You find yourself covered in a thin layer of glue.
I wish I’d found this thread earlier.
Me too! I was afraid I’d permanently killed it!
Err, I mean Granted! You are now, and have always been, @nimelennar. 
I wish I had a solid donut procurement plan for tomorrow morning. It’s my birthday!
Granted. This wish is incorruptible because tomorrow’s your birthday. Happy birthday! Now go get yourself some god damn donuts!
I wish I knew what to wish for.
How many kinds of ham ARE there ?
Granted. You now know exactly what to wish for. However, the answer is buried in your subconscious, and will torment you in your dreams, cause obsession in your waking hours, and will only surface to your conscious mind after years of therapy and meditation.
I wish for true love.
Granted! However your true love is marrying Prince Humperdink and you’ve been captured by the Dread Pirate Roberts.
I wish for a pony.
Granted. The pony is mean and bites you, breaking a finger.
I wish for a new winter coat!
Granted. The fur grows in beautifully.
I wish to be more photogenic.
Granted!
Sadly, nobody sees the pictures until your run for re-election. And Donald Trump’s “tiny hands” become a thing of the past almost overnight.
I wish OtherMichal had left a wish for me to corrupt as per his sacred duty!
Granted! Sadly, the wish is stuck to the end of your nose.
I wish I didn’t have to work next week.
Good news, you’ve been asked to not come into work next week! Or the week after that! In fact, just don’t come back. Happy new year!
I wish 2016 would end already.
Your wish, and the wish of many an ironic bumper sticker, is my command.
I wish this game were harder. The corrupting part, that is.
Granted! You can’t come up with any sort of negative consequences for others, because that part of brain got erased somehow. It took with it much of your ability to form short term memories, also.
I wish for puppies, kittehs, and sunshine in 2017!
Granted!
An asteroid hits the Earth, stopping it spinning and tidally locking it with the Sun. Now only one side of the Earth, centered on your current location, gets sunshine, but it gets it perpetually.
In the aftermath of the cataclysm, most large creatures die out, but, like the last major extinction event, small mammals manage to survive. The small habitable region of the Earth is now populated primarily by the smallest breeds of cat and dog.
I wish to make it through this year’s skiing season uninjured.
Granted
[It’s still better than Trump though.
I wish that Carlisle United would repeat the feat of the 1974 team (smallest town or city to have a team play in the top division of the Football League since the First World War) without spending too much money, appointing Paolo di Canio to the coaching staff, or getting relegated from the Premier League a season later.
Granted! Climate change has helpfully raised temperatures enough that no snowfall occurs this winter (and trust me, fake snow alone does not work well under those conditions) so you never get on the slopes to injure yourself.
I wish my country would come to its senses and elect a functional public servant to the Presidency, effective 20.January.2017.
Granted. Carlisle will now spend the next two years in the Premier League. They will then be cursed and spend the next two centuries no higher than Level 11.
Granted. The circumvention of the electoral system required to make this happen incites a Second Civil War, culminating in the surrender of the Bad Hombres to the Basket of Deplorables, the execution of the functional President, and the installation of Donald Trump as Emperor for Life.
I wish for Canada to soundly reject Trumpism when choosing the next Conservative and NDP leaders.
