You seem to have a bit of an obsession here, riking…

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Heeey! I copied the example from somewhere else. :stuck_out_tongue:

If only that were true! moving gingerly with great pain everywhere


Allow me to introduce you to a greater genie, his name is Jack Daniels.


Granted! It only works perfectly with flash.

I wish Lucas would put out a remastered digital version of the original Star Wars trilogy for DVD/Blu-Ray.



Theodore Lucas the well known, slightly eccentric, mildly deranged Star Wars fan just burnt an epic 6 hour reenactment of the trilogy using 6 week old cheese sliced up in, what he thinks are, shapes of various Star Wars characters.

The pinnacle of his creation is the Death Star, molded out of Époisses. During the re-enactment you can see Theodore dry-gagging due to the stench. You are forced to sit down and watch this, you are only allowed one toilet break.

I wish for perfect weather


Granted. You receive perfect weather … for polar bears.

I wish for a space ship with a reliable FTL drive and plenty of fuel.


Granted. Your ship is inside a black hole.

I wish for the eradication of all poverty.


Granted, you’ve just sent the world back in time to before currency was invented. THANKS O’HORRO.

I wish to discover the cure to flame wars so that I can monetize it.


I would watch that actually. All six hours.

I am allowed to laugh at it, right? Or is he staring at me with his creeepy, waiting eyes, rubbing his hands together excitedly?


Granted. You receive all your money in the form of bitcoin, which immediately crashes and becomes worthless.

I wish for a nice quiet evening out to the theatre to see a show with the original cast that closed years ago.


Granted. And as a bonus, the shambling shade of Boris Karloff looks perfectly at home reprising his role as Jonathan Brewster, though the rest of the original cast of Arsenic and Old Lace aren’t half so lively onstage anymore.

I wish to go home to San Diego for a week and reconnect with my roots.

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Granted. As you walk down a sidewalk in San Diego, an employee of San Diego Parks and Recreation, who is legally blind and exceedingly strong, mistakes you for a sapling, and plants you in a traffic island.

I wish my Christmas credit card debt was paid off.



closest you’re ever gonna get

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You pack your toys and drive to San Diego for a week… and then you fully realize that old saying that you can never go home again. Home is no longer a place, but resides in the hearts of those that love you, and that can be with anyone anywhere in the world. You never feel lost again.

Not the worst case scenario, but then I’m not fond of wandering alone any more.

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Granted. You have now triple-mortgaged your house, sold your unborn children into debt slavery and are suffering anemia from all the blood you sold.

I wish for a universal cure for tooth decay.


Granted. No more sugar or gummy products anywhere in the world. There is now a sizable bounty on your head and every child (and most adults) are actively out searching for you, armed to the TEETH.

I wish for warmer weather, at least 0 degrees Farenheit or above.


Granted. You are now living on Kepler-7b where it’s approximately 2250 degrees Farenheit and Gold even melts!

I wish for a quieter world.


In space, no one can hear you scream.
I wish that the object of society was something other than the accumulation of capital.


Granted, the object of society is now the collection of beanie babies and forcible removal of human organs.

I wish for a really proper cup of tea.

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